HARRELL NAMED STARTER AT TEXAS TECH.

by Orson on Aug 28, 2006 10:35 AM EDT

Mike Leach--who in case you don't know is totally into Vikings and not pirates this season--is solidifying his pillaging crew for this season. Last weekend he named Graham Harrell this year's 4,000 yard human sprinkler, ensuring a third round NFL draft pick and a persistent case of tendonitis for the young man. This past weekend, he anointed Shannon Woods as this year's draw fiend at halfback. Despite all the place-setting going on in Lubbock, Leach called his team "mediocre" going into the season, which means we can likely expect point totals wallowing in the high thirties from the Red Raiders for the first half of the 2006 season.

This was all reported to us by Don Williams, the "longtime beat guy" for the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal, the paper that crushed your once-idyllic mountain village and buried it in a cold, heartless snowy tomb. This is Don's picture:

Don looks like:

a. A guy who set off a bomb in 1902 underneath the carriage of Nicholas II in Russia.

b. A Neal Stephenson reader.

c. Neal Stephenson.

d. "Loveless in Lubbock," frequent Savage Love contributor and ass fetishist.

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Employee of the month at the Lubbock “S-Mart” ("Shop smart….shop S-Mart!)

by sandman227 on Aug 28, 2006 10:41 AM EDT reply actions

- Stand-in for Kip during the filming of “Napoleon Dymanite”

by kancho on Aug 28, 2006 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

I’ve always thought Neal Stephenson was at least half-way familiar with all the badass swords that seem to sprout up in his books. This guy, not so much.

by History_Ant on Aug 28, 2006 10:53 AM EDT reply actions

How can you possibly be that pale living in Texas?

by ohiodawg on Aug 28, 2006 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Dead ringer for Gary Oldman’s character in “Air Force One,” which is almost certainly why you associated him with the socialist terrorists of Russia at the turn of the century (although I might have expected you to go all the way and identify him with the guys who actually did assassinate Alexander II in the 1870s).

by Michael on Aug 28, 2006 11:30 AM EDT reply actions

- West Texas’ leading LARP afficionado.

Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

by irishoutsider on Aug 28, 2006 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

Hey! You take back that Neal Stephenson joke, or he’ll… he’ll… um… he’ll have one of his characters compare you to some lame French historical figure in his next book! Yeah, that’s what he’ll do!

Seriously, though, any author who can name one of his characters Hiro Protagonist with a straight face is okay by me.

by Novus on Aug 28, 2006 11:47 AM EDT reply actions