FULMER CUP, THE HOME STRETCH: CHAMPIONS COME THROUGH

by Orson on Aug 28, 2006 7:36 AM EDT

"When the hot dog came up, and some of it came out his nose, Kobayashi sucked it back down. To me, that's the testament of a champion and great athlete."

That's the comment made by competitive eating judge and melodiously named gentleman Gersh Kuntzman regarding Kobayashi's controversial vomiting of a hot dog back into his water cup during what eaters call "a reversal of fortune" moment in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest. Why wasn't Kobayashi disqualified? "The effluvia never touched the table," said (we have trouble even typing this) Kuntzman, whose name we shit you not is really Kuntzman.

Marshall, on the brink of losing the Fulmer Cup, dug deep down and did what champions do. They almost vomited up through their nose, ate the remainder, and plowed ahead to a likely victory in the Fulmer Cup.

Like Kobayashi, Marshall's appetites have gotten them to the top.

The man who saved Marshall from second place? None other than starting wide receiver Hiram Moore, who manages to put a nasty dent in Marshall's starting lineup and secure college football's most ignoble distinction with a trifecta of an arrest for driving under the influence, leaving the scene of an accident, obstructing a police officer and driving on a suspended license. Even if you only tally up a single point for each offense--the bare minimum under Fulmer Cup scoring--Hiram's early morning arrestfest overcomes what seemed like an insurmountable lead for Purdue and puts the Thundering Herd right where their rivals have been saying they belong: first in feckless feloniousness and multifarious misdemeanortude.

The effluvia never touched the table, and Marshall never gave up. Scoring closes at midnight on Wednesday, so it's not technically over yet. But barring a human trafficking/cocaine smuggling ring shootout/season finale of Miami Vice nightmarre scenario, The Division 1 team crown should go to the Thundering Herd of Marshall. On an individual basis, though, don't forget the outstanding individual work of former San Jose State player Ellis T. Jones, who by himself has been doing the work of eleven hyped-up VHTs.

The updated board will make its appearance soon, but for the record Marshall's score should be at 15.

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Yeah Marshall! We knew you could do it!!!!!!

by Johnny on Aug 28, 2006 7:42 AM EDT reply actions

Congrats, Marshall. That will help your chances against WVU. Stupid pricks.

by dragonash on Aug 28, 2006 7:48 AM EDT reply actions

Atta-way-Coach Fulmer!! I knew you could pull our boys into a Top-5 finish!

(Orson, Tennesse is the sole-owner of 5th…no ties for that one…yet.)

by Aerobab on Aug 28, 2006 8:15 AM EDT reply actions

‘Kuntzman’ – heh heh.
Props to The Herd for putting on a burst at the wire. Good job.

by bitterhorn on Aug 28, 2006 8:20 AM EDT reply actions

I managed to find a quote asking Moore about his motivation to win the Fulmer Cup prior to his arrest- his response: “Over? Did you say ‘over’? Nothing is over til we say it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!”

by italiangator on Aug 28, 2006 8:43 AM EDT reply actions

Proving Once agai that 3 yards and a cloud of Misdameanors is the way to win the cup. Barring a Delaware or Purdue charge….Its all Marshall.

by daviehamsufferer97 on Aug 28, 2006 9:07 AM EDT reply actions

Lessons learned about how to compete for the Fulmer Cup:

(1) Keep playing into the fourth quarter: Most of the big schools rack up their arrest points during the spring or summer school. It takes a special kind of stupid to keep racking up arrests after practice starts.

(2) Have quality depth. At least three Marshall starters have been arrested this off-season. Even the SEC powers usually don’t manage that.

(3) Establish an enabling culture. It helps to have a fan base that’s quick to blame the police and parrot back “second chances” and “everybody does it.” It also helps to have a small-time, lap-dog local press that doesn’t spot trends. Finally, it helps to have a head coach who talks a good game about discipline but then takes in Phil Fulmer’s castoffs.

by DevilGrad on Aug 28, 2006 9:15 AM EDT reply actions

At Marshall, they perp for championships.

by JohnnyMac on Aug 28, 2006 9:28 AM EDT reply actions

This is the ONLY contest in which I will ever root for Marshall.

I’ll see you Saturday, bitches!!

by CouchBurnin'Girl on Aug 28, 2006 9:51 AM EDT reply actions

Even in a down year, Marshall can still pick it up when it counts.

by RedSteve on Aug 28, 2006 9:51 AM EDT reply actions

Typical Purdue choke job. Lose a close one in the last 2 minutes.

Damn you, Brock Spack.

by boilerpete on Aug 28, 2006 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

CBG, going to the game I assume?

by Wooderson on Aug 28, 2006 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

I don’t know guys. Purdue looks like one DUI shit storm hell raising arrest away from at least tying this bad boy up.

Come on Boiler Makers. Finish the drill.

(who’s kidding who. This trophy ain’t leaving Huntington)

pwd

by paulwesterdawg on Aug 28, 2006 11:38 AM EDT reply actions

I’m looking forward to see how they defend their “championship” next year!!

by Bash Riprock on Aug 28, 2006 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

What about Central Michigan’s points for murder?

by George Jones on Aug 28, 2006 1:15 PM EDT reply actions

Another favored euphemism on the competitive eating circuit is “an urge contrary to swallowing”. Seriously.

by Phil K. on Aug 28, 2006 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

You gotta give Tennessee credit for making a late-season push. I wouldn’t put it past them to have a Mississippi State-style cop beatdown or something this weekend. That’s how Fulmer’s boys roll.

by fresh on Aug 28, 2006 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

What about Central Michigan’s points for murder?

That occurred during the 2005 off-season, and the obstruction of justice charges stemming therefrom were filed during the 2005 season.

by DevilGrad on Aug 28, 2006 2:03 PM EDT reply actions

Helps to have lawyers as readers.

by Orson Swindle on Aug 28, 2006 2:13 PM EDT reply actions

we knew we could be the scum of college football and lived up to it.
Way to go guys. Marshall is proud. We want the title of scum of the year athletic program every year. MARSHALL LOVES THAT DISTINCTION

by Ernist W Milligan on Aug 28, 2006 3:35 PM EDT reply actions

Go HERD

by herd0ne on Aug 28, 2006 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

Who stabbed Michael Larkin?

by Little Miami on Aug 28, 2006 3:59 PM EDT reply actions

rotflmao!!! Great stuff.

by EERS 2 Ya on Aug 28, 2006 4:02 PM EDT reply actions

Wow, didnt Marshall cheat all those years when they won 1-aa and MAC championships? How dirty is this program really!

by OleKentuckyHome on Aug 28, 2006 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

No love for Delaware? C’mon on, as Rob Corddry says. Marshall, Tennessee, and Purdue have a much larger squad size. The more the merrier. Or at least the more opportunities for points.

Delaware has the smaller roster yet no mention of the Blue Hens’ effort against the bigger programs? Tough crowd.

By the way, former first round NFL bust and lifelong problem child Ryan Leaf is now a member of the coaching staff at West Texas A&M in Canyon. How long before WT, a D2 school, gets on the board?

by milevin on Aug 28, 2006 4:15 PM EDT reply actions

you have an apostrophe in your last “it’s.”

by Tolbert1906 on Aug 28, 2006 4:21 PM EDT reply actions

Re #23: Orson decided a while ago that the Fulmer Cup was a I-A only competition, but Delaware’s exploits are noted on the scoreboard in honor of their sheer craptacularity.

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=1830

by DevilGrad on Aug 28, 2006 4:26 PM EDT reply actions

Charges against Geremy Rodamer (Marshall) have been dismissed.

http://www.herald-dispatch.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060828/SPORTS0301/60828011

by Herd Fan on Aug 28, 2006 4:49 PM EDT reply actions

Wooderson – why yes, I will be in Morgantown for the Friends of Coal Bowl (Dumbest. Name. Ever.) this weekend. Can’t miss opening weekend.

by CouchBurnin'Girl on Aug 28, 2006 5:05 PM EDT reply actions

I still want to know if that Smith kids points transferred from UT to Marshall. A gross injustice if it did. That teacher humped that boy under the assumption taht he was going to Knoxville. If she knew he was going to Marshall, she would have let his relatives do the pole greasin’.

by John in Hsv on Aug 28, 2006 5:48 PM EDT reply actions

- Surprise, Surprise! Charges dropped by the Huntington Keystone Kops! Probably cost the school a new gun rack for the pickup!

Who’s got a HERDON!!!

by RebelYell on Aug 28, 2006 7:18 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t think anyone is surprized that the charges against Geremy Rodamer were dropped. HE PLAYS FOOTBALL AT MARSHALL. Therefore, he was not obstructing an officer or being disorderly. The cops must have been out to get him. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Kids do stupid things sometimes. Everyone needs a second chance. One more incident and someone will be running laps! -LMAO

by Kegs-R-Us on Aug 28, 2006 7:22 PM EDT reply actions