WATER IN THE DESERT: WEEK FIVE

Ahhh, who could ever forget?

http://www.youtube.com/v/T-Kur7eyPzE

then this….

http://www.youtube.com/v/RfV0-7hjFI8

then this….

http://www.youtube.com/v/yC3hW-8Gg0Y

“Now Alabama’s devoid of speed at wideout”

I seem to remember a short slant route by Keith Brown and he just left all that “Florida Speed” looking at his ass.

Georgia Tech really got the short-end of the schedule draw… having to play at Lane stadium is tough. Having to do it twice in a row, that’s just mean.

Maybe it’s somewhat subjective, but Chan did pull off Auburn and Miami last year. He can win two big games, it just means the inevitable collapse in another game will be that much larger.

“Now Alabama’s devoid of speed at wideout, banged to scrap on the o-line, and replacing seven starters on the defense. They’re also breaking in a new starter at qb. In the Swamp.”

The first two of those are wrong, particularly the 1st one. Cool Hand Mike finally made a decent point in a somewhat unoffensive way re Keith Brown, and DJ Hall and Nikita Stover are plenty fast, as is Matt Caddell. The O-line, while nothing special, will be way better than the O-line that handled Florida last year.

Your final two points are true facts.

Well done! The “Skullnuckle” game…“I’ll kill you last”…the pic of Kansas’s coach! Classic stuff.

Regarding the UF – Bama game, here’s the image you want:

Barbarian Chieftan: “Conan, tell them what is good in life”

Conan: “To crush your enemies. To see them driven before you. And to hear the lamentation of their women.”

“Iowa usually provides Ohio State with all it can handle and occasionally more.”

As much as I wish this was true, Ohio State continually kicks our ass worse than any school ever. On the flip side, the last time they came to Iowa City, under a similarily rebuilt defense, we whipped them soundly. Hopefully, payback from last years game in Columbus will be the bitch that our mother told us it would be.

Brown’s slant was the finish to a day of defenders being completely and totally out of position all day. Credit Shula and Rader’s gameplan for turning Kyle Jackson into making him look like he was doing shuttle runs in the secondary.

And without Prothro that offense lacks a deep threat. The entirety of the season last year post-Prothro proves that.

Nile—that’s more what we’re thinking of here. Our initial phrasing might have taken that a bit far.

“The idea of them pulling out two big wins in a season under Chan Gailey is a mathematical impossibility. "

Auburn and Miami.

Miami last year was borderline special. It’s a stretch, but I’ll take it.

Didn’t Florida only prosper last year when Urban Meyer abandoned his much heralded/overrated “Spread Option” system, (which dominated such power conferences as Mountain West and the MAC) and start playing with a more reasonable playbook? Yet everywhere I look it’s “this is the year the spread option takes hold in the SEC.” I think this mixed with Urban’s balls out attitude of “I just won’t use a running back in the SEC” is a recipe for people to really start dispising the guy.

We’re having an Oktoberfest tailgate that week -

The results were actually pretty similar, as GeorgiaSports has pointed out a few times. What you’ll see this year will look much the same.

I am not sure why everyone keeps engaging in the “what if GT beats ND?” conversation.
Charlie Weis v. Chan Gailey.
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Which star will Shula leave on the field during another out-of-reach game this season? Croyle in ’04. Prothro in ’05. Bama, prepare to have the worst OC in the history of the storied Tampa Bay Bucs slam your season into a brick wall, yet again.

When Shula put that ball in the air last year, when he clearly could have gutted it and kicked a field goal, late in the 3rd, I was ready to throw the TV. Until…

Sweet, sweet justice.

No. But the what-ifs are the only thing besides the Vicodin keeping us alive until the season starts.

Weis may be a robot genius but GT is ass deep in actual robots. Arm some of those ’bots with blasters and turn em into Battledroids and the Jackets have a good chance.

“Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I lied.”

“Virginia Tech just named Sean Glennon as starter. If he does everything we expect from Virginia Tech QBs, he’ll hand off forty times, roll out and pass on the run 6-8 times, and attempt some extremely tame, safe drop back pases on short routes 10-12 times.”

Don’t you have to add: stomp on an opposing player, sexual assault an underage high school girl in Blacksburg, and get busted for possession of a firearm to that list?

Rutgers vs. USF
I’m probably the only one who will probably watch this game (that is, if it is even televised in New Jersey), but the Garden State and Sunshine State do have a connection through Greg Schiano, who was an assistant at Miami and who recruits a fair number of players up I-95 to Piscataway. Fifth-year workhorse RB Brian Leonard was impressive yesterday in pratice and was lauded by the Newark Star-Ledger as ‘blooked to be in midseason form’.

Rutgers also has Jabu Lovelace, who wants to freak you all night long.

Notre Dan,

That is the best quote in movie history.

Orson,
Vicodin, what-if’s, EDSBS, Scotch, and the constant stroking ND gets in the media.

The Iowa game has scared me since I saw the schedule. A tough september ends w/ this game. People around OSU had the same confidence in ‘04 that led to me at a $6 all you can drink pissed off haze that ended in me getting in a fight with my burrito which i thought was an octopus. For OSU and my health, I hope that doesn’t happen again.

Chan beating Charlie could only happen in the wake of an Infinite Improbibility Engine, sometime after the universe collapses into a fluffy pink bunny, but before a 30ft statue of Mike Adams is erected outside Sanford Stadium.

mic-

you are a dead man.

You forgot

Inegoya Montoya

“Which star will Shula leave on the field during another out-of-reach game this season? Croyle in ‘04. Prothro in ‘05. Bama, prepare to have the worst OC in the history of the storied Tampa Bay Bucs slam your season into a brick wall, yet again.

When Shula put that ball in the air last year, when he clearly could have gutted it and kicked a field goal, late in the 3rd, I was ready to throw the TV. Until…

Sweet, sweet justice."

Wow.

I guess that losing streak to Bama really has gotten to you. At the risk of jamming salt in the wounds, the first two came at the hands of Mike DuBose, who couldn’tve beat himself in a Porno Theatre otherwise.

Ouch.

I mean, how classy is it to be happy that a young man had a devastating injury, all because you were getting your asses handed to you on a plate on national TV. Seems to me your anger’s a bit misplaced.

And this complaint of “running it up” from a guy whose fanbase worships the Visored One who took pride in the fact he’s still “be Chunkin’ it Deep” even if he was up by 50 points.

Guess you’re diappointed that Prothro’s Tibia didn’t puncture his eye and drive into his skull and kill him, huh?

Class-ee.

Perhaps we should state that Mic’s comments are his and his alone, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of this site.

This, however, was:

“O is for opera, which the game gave us in spades thanks to Prothro’s injury. It’s straight Edam-quality cheese, but we choked up at the display Bama fans and players put on for Tyrone Prothro as he lay on the turf, thanks in no small part to our being about seventy-five feet from the scene with an elevated angle on the whole thing reminiscent of a slow crane shot at the end of a movie. Prothro–who at that point could have had a broken neck for all we knew–got his name cheered by a rampaging crowd for two minutes straight, and as he exited it was like watching Black Rudy: every fan on their feet, his name echoing around the walls of the stadium, the teeny red cart sailing off across the lurid green of the field as his twenty-year old teammates pointed at his receding, reclined form holding out the thumbs-up. We really shouldn’t have gotten emotional, but that was the transcendent moment of the game for us. You forget that these are just teenagers in hypertrophied bodies, for the most part, save for the moments when all of your fresh cynicism evaporates in the presence of such raw emotion. Proth-ro, Prothro, indeed.”

Inigo Montoya, actually.

In the scene where the goons are clearing the forest of thieves, he throws in a Spanish swearword, too.

Goon: (to a drunken Inigo): Ho, there!

Inigo: Keep your joder.

joder=to fuck, more or less.

Clever, eh?

Well done, Mr. Swindle. We all know it is not representative; in fact, after the game last year, drank with a lot of Gator fans on the Strip. The overwhelming majority seemed to be very good fans. Looking forward to the trip to Gainesville. I’ve never been, but it’s an SEC school. It has to be fun.

Also, in reference to mic: Sweet justice would have been the Florida fan (just one) in the upper deck cheering while Prothro lay on the field, having to actually walk out of the stadium, past the rapidly forming mob, instead of being carted out by security.

While we’re exchanging compliments: Alabama fans ate barbecue on their nachos.

That is demented genius right there.

Tarpon, I believe a team that used a version of the spread won the mythical national championship last year. So with the right players I think Meyer’s game will work in the SEC. It kind of reminds me of when “The Ol Ball Coach” came to the SEC, it was said his style of play would never work. Last time I checked it did work and continues to work.

“unholy demon ass whipping” I love that! Orson you are a literary genius. We felt the wrath of the demon ourselves…twice. Funny though, they killed you guys and you won it all the next year, they killed us and we did the same. Maybe an unholy demon ass whipping is the next step to greatness.

Vince Young won the National Championship bra. Each play could have been designed by Wil E. Coyote

Actually, texas ran a WCO scheme with the Dart series as their breand-and-butter. They used the TE way too much (can’t blame them, David Thomas was a beast) to be a true spread team.

“…most notably because Iowa usually provides Ohio State with all it can handle and occasionally more”. I wish that were more true than it really is. Other than the pasting we gave tOSU in ’04, we typically come into this game with high expectations and leave with rational ones.

I think you have tOSU-Iowa confused with Mich-Iowa.

Oh, and I forgot about this:

 "Now Texas Tech had a 39-point lead over A.&M. and the ball and was moving forward as rapidly as ever. To minimize its humiliation, the A.&M. offense had been running plays meant to use up time and get the team out of Lubbock. The governor of Texas slipped away early and was on his way back to Austin. The guys dressed up as soldiers in the Aggie end zone had run out of military drills to perform. Up in the sky boxes, the wife of an Aggie assistant coach insulted every female Red Raider in earshot by saying that at least she lived in College Station instead of Lubbock. (”First of all, we just beat them, 56-17,” Leach says when told of the incident. “By rights she should now be a Red Raider slave.”) For everyone but Mike Leach, the game was over, but he jumped onto the field and called a timeout. The referees did not notice: they were too busy throwing yellow flags at the extra Texas Tech players who had tried to get into the game. Tech was penalized, and in the subsequent confusion, Leach let the clock run out. “There was 23 seconds on the clock,” he told me later. “That’s more than enough time. I think we all had a level of disappointment we didn’t score one more touchdown.”

Yarr, Sir. Yarrr indeed. Watch just to see if Coach Fran doesn’t attack Mike Leach at the concluding handshake. "

 Wait til you see Fran now; he’s put on at least 30 lbs this offseason. The stress is getting to him.
 I disagree on the flag football game comment, though. The game is at Kyle Field; I think Tech has only won their twice in the last 25 years. Add in the fact that A&M returns 4 of 5 starters on the OL and their whole offensive backfield intact, and I think they will be able to run the ball well enough (Tech’s run defense is notoriously horrible against the run) to at least keep the game close, if not outright pound Tech into submission.

 I do hope that stupid bitch coach’s wife in the pressbox was our fired defensive coordinator(Carl Torbush)‘s spouse. We’re getting our asses kicked, and she’s trying to run homestead smack. Puhleeze. At least do the Texan thing, and point out that he husband is making more money than all of the Tech offensive and defensive staff, combined.

If The longhorn uses a form of the spread it is new to me. But, IF they do the they had VY and he has some speed. Now Leak is about as fast as tree sap on a cold day. If you can take anything from “THE BEATING” handed out last year it’s this. UF doesn’t have the personel that UT had last year on either side of the ball.

Next UA has at least three recievers that run 4.3 forties. That may not be real fast, if your comparing them to Reggie Bush.

Gator the other white meat.

Nah, the best movie quote ever is, “I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I’m all out of bubblegum.”

that’s right, keep riling up the bammers, the more fanatical they are, the funnier it gets.

don’t worry, whether or not the gaytors get ’bama, the thumb will.

Be careful or that thumb may get put where it belongs.

AW-Barn is sad the greatest thing they have ever done is produce Bo and beat UA four times in a row. While we were on probation no less.

And don’t start the Cheaters thing Either. The Barn has been there as many times as anyone.(probably)

WAR EAGLE? GO TIGERS Or what ever it is this week.
The #1 academic program in the SEC.
LOL

Hate to step into yet another burgeoning Auburn-Alabama thread hijacking, but how did Mike create those You Tube full screen links in #1?

I’ve C&P’d the URL’s for the two that work and their original YouTube URL. I can’t figure out the last part.

Mike,

Please tell Coach Tuberville that his appointment in the proctology lab is still on for November 19, and we’ll have the thumb removal equipment ready. We expect it’ll be deep, but probably won’t require surgery., since it won’t be the first time we’ve had to remove soemthing from Tommy’s rectum.

Also, let him know that if Kenny Irons writes a report on the procedure, he’ll get 12 Medical School credits.

Sincerely,

Dr. Assman
Official proctologist to Auburn University
Home of more sick a-holes than any other place on Earth.

Wait what? A bama fan who’s going by the moniker Pat Dye’s Liver is talking about being classy?

I believe our wideouts are not quite as devoid of speed as the Gator secondary.

Uuuuhhhhhhhh Orson,

Tyrone was not the fastest wideout we had last year. Not even the second fastest.

I’m not trying to diminish the fact that he was our best playmaker, but speed abounds on The Tide.

Also, our O-line will likely be much better than last year; not thath we needed it against the Florida defense.

My favorite movie line is:
“You know what Jack Burton says in a time like this?”
“Who?”
“JACK BURTON… ME”

I’m pretty sure that most of these pronostigations will be found to be false —except for SMU of course.

“The contrarian is the investor that senses an inappropriate shift towards one opinion on the market, and picks the opposite opinion to his profit.

Actually, and this is legitimate commentary by the way (not looking to participate in more inane smack running), I heard UF’s O-line has serious issues. Not that I’ve heard hard evidence, mind you, but significant rumors.

If you consider the starting right guard’s broken ankle a “serious issue,” then yes, you would be correct.

Until the bullets fly in Neyland Stadium, no one knows a damn thing about Florida’s line — Urban Meyer included.

http://www.moviewavs.com/php/sounds/?id=gog&media=WAVS&type=Movies&movie=Full_Metal_Jacket&quote=pukes.txt&file=pukes.wav

This says it all.

Sweet Jesus…just realized my Buckeyes play the following games in SEPTEMBER…

@ Texas
@ Iowa
vs. Penn State

Brutal first month…

as for Alabama’s wide receivers…they might be fast but speed doesn’t matter when you can’t catch – (dj hall being the one exception)…I hope I’m wrong, but Im not looking forward to 9/30

How about the Ron Franklin, “It’s 49-21, sweetheart” game between ND-Purdue (in response to a female sideline reporter trying to justify Purdue calling 3 TOs in the final 4 minutes)

“Wait what? A bama fan who’s going by the moniker Pat Dye’s Liver is talking about being classy? "

Wow. As usual, someone put two and two together and comes up with five.

Must’ve gone to “Directed Reading” math Class at Auburn, I suppose.

Never said I was a Bama fan….you did.

PDL

Nix:

Hate to break it to you, but Bama fans don’t hve a monopoly on having no respect for Auburn.

It’s kinda expected from, well, everyone.

Sorry to burst your bubble.

Hate to agree with a Bammer and a Dawg, but it’s true…Auburn’s a joke with a bad punchline.

Beergut-

“I disagree on the flag football game comment, though. The game is at Kyle Field; I think Tech has only won their twice in the last 25 years.”

That might be true but largely irrelevant. In recent history, IE: in the past 5 years, Tech has outscored TAMU 200-124 and gone 4-1. Since Tech had better recruiting than TAMU (for the first time in that same stretch) we might wonder which franchise is headed for the dumps and which one is on the rise.

“Add in the fact that A&M returns 4 of 5 starters on the OL and their whole offensive backfield intact, and I think they will be able to run the ball well enough (Tech’s run defense is notoriously horrible against the run) to at least keep the game close, if not outright pound Tech into submission.”

You’ll need 300 yards on the ground to come close to competing with the Tech offense, and you won’t get it.

“At least do the Texan thing, and point out that he husband is making more money than all of the Tech offensive and defensive staff, combined.”

As far as I can tell Leach makes 2 million per year to Franchione’s 1.7 million (that is unless they restructured his contract just in time for a 5-6 season).

So uhh… right.

The Dome deitiies are, indeed, smiling on the hunchback 11 this year as they enjoy relative sanctuary until teeing it up in the last frame against their tormentors of yorn…

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/teamsched?teamId=87

One good game w / all the marble(head)s in the circle and its finger poppin’ time in the BCS dance-off…