SJSU MAY HAVE TAKEN FULMER CUP LEAD

by Orson on Aug 1, 2006 2:29 PM EDT

San Jose State advertises itself as "in the core of Silicon Valley." So when it finally breaks the seal and enters the Fulmer Cup in guffaw-inducing fashion, it would stand to reason that they would put their own distinct, high-tech spin on nefarious behavior.

Enter aspiring Craigslist seller/alleged armed robber and San Jose State WR Ellis T. Jones III, who may have pulled off the single biggest free-standing Fulmer Cup score in the brief history of competition by luring potential internet shoppers off Craigslist with promises of deals and into an apartment complex where Jones allegedly robbed them, tasered them, and in one instance even "trunked" a victim. The robberies, which took place between June 27th and June 30th, involve such a flurry of activity as to suggest not only a rapacious criminal instinct, but an outstanding work ethic, as well:

Jones was charged Thursday with 13 felony counts including five counts of robbery, four counts of assault for using a Taser gun on some of his victims and one count of kidnapping to commit robbery for allegedly locking one victim in the trunk of a car. He faces up life in prison with the possibility of parole, according to Leonard James, a deputy district attorney with Santa Clara County.

Being tasered is no laughing matter. Especially when you thought you were getting a sweet deal on a papasan chair.

Five counts robbery: 3 x 5=15 points.

Four counts of assault with taser: 3 x 4 points=12 points.

One count kidnapping: 4 points. Honestly, we hadn't come up with an award for kidnapping, but damn, kidnapping isn't your average everyday crime. 4 seems right.

This means a shocking, one-man campaign on the part of Ellis Jones III has turned the Fulmer Cup on its head. If this story holds, San Jose State certainly locks down the crown with an unprecedented, heretofore unparalleled THIRTY-ONE POINT ENTRANCE into the Fulmer Cup.

Frankly, we're speechless.

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Comments

Go Big Or Go Home!

by Cool Hand Mike on Aug 1, 2006 2:32 PM EDT reply actions

Wow! That is a grand entrance indeed.

by TigerDave on Aug 1, 2006 2:33 PM EDT reply actions

how does 4 counts of assualt equal 15 points? I don’t see what the three is, or the 5 to get to 15. is assualt 3 points?
I was going to post this link with glee that the U suspened 4 players for the FSU game, but damn… SJSU took my thunder.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/ncaa/08/01/miami.suspensions.ap/index.html

I gleefully stole this link from SI. Hope they don’t sue my ass. Or taser it.

by psuedosilentobserver on Aug 1, 2006 2:33 PM EDT reply actions

Bad math, sir. That’s how. It’s corrected now.

by Orson Swindle on Aug 1, 2006 2:37 PM EDT reply actions

five counts of robbery still shouldn’t be represented by 3×4=12. that one was correct, me thinks. Yeah, I’m an asshole. sorry.
i’m thinking along the lines of 31 points. Still a slam-dunk case. guess SJSU had to win in SOMETHING related to football, huh?

by psuedosilentobserver on Aug 1, 2006 2:43 PM EDT reply actions

Craigslist is the greatest. Like everyone else out here, I found my apartment and job on there and have used it for buying/selling tickets, and even had a date with a girl who turned out to be a CFB fan who attended the OSU/Miami Fiesta Bowl.

But I never thought to utilize it to lure people into my Taser Den for fun & profit. Strong. Fucking strong.

by Kanu on Aug 1, 2006 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

That is truly remarkable. If only he could harness those talents for something productive, but no, he had to play football at San Jose State…

by DC Trojan on Aug 1, 2006 2:51 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t believe the “trunking” definition on wikipedia is correct.

by CouchBurnin'Girl on Aug 1, 2006 2:51 PM EDT reply actions

How’s this for disturbing synergy? My beloved pater, a diehard Gator fan lo these many years, got his masters at UF… and his BA at San Jose State. Freaky, eh?

by peachy on Aug 1, 2006 2:57 PM EDT reply actions

I need a baseline for this… numbers too large… contemplating avogadro’s number (and don’t think my nacho-addled brain wasn’t about to try sneaking avacado’s number through the fingers).

by way of comparison, what would Rae Carruth have earned, in total, for his team?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rae_Carruth

by dogtown gator on Aug 1, 2006 3:05 PM EDT reply actions

I think the Spartans are calling the Thundering Herd out on this one. Your move Marshall

by tim on Aug 1, 2006 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

See what happens when you dont trade pic for pic? You get F-ing TASERED, that’s what!

by irishoutsider on Aug 1, 2006 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

Was the caption under the late, great Lewis Grizzard intentional foreshadowing of this, is he a prophet from beyond the grave, or is this mere coincidence?

by AU03 on Aug 1, 2006 3:21 PM EDT reply actions

That guy is a stud. Wow! He pulled a Double-Double.

by Erik on Aug 1, 2006 3:23 PM EDT reply actions

Lewis was just wondering how to put a fresh angle on the tired, stale, year-in year-out preseason article about a 31 point debut in the Fulmer Cup standings.

by mike on Aug 1, 2006 3:28 PM EDT reply actions

This guy basically just took himself from a former nobody to a Fulmer Cup Hall of Famer. Wow is about all that can be said. How many games do you get suspended for a potential life sentence? I would think an offense like this may have even warranted a one game suspension from Bobby Bowden, and that’s saying something.

by rebel84 on Aug 1, 2006 3:34 PM EDT reply actions

Ellis Jones III sounds like an attorney.
I think that is some kind of irony or something.

This is the single greatest story I have ever read.
Today, we salute you Mr. Armed-robbery, trunking guy!

by GamecockTony on Aug 1, 2006 3:37 PM EDT reply actions

Avogadro? Great, I love guacamole!

by The_Mole_Man on Aug 1, 2006 3:47 PM EDT reply actions

The players at FSU have tasers, but the coaches lock them up. I really don’t know how they go about checking on them…

by irishoutsider on Aug 1, 2006 3:53 PM EDT reply actions

Looks like we have a side-award to be named in Ellis’ honor for best individual performance in a Fulmer Cup race.

by Geaux Irish on Aug 1, 2006 4:03 PM EDT reply actions

31 all by hisself has to be comparable to wilt scoring 100, or (as this IS a cfb blog) AD putting up 6 td’s on the irish, yet there are 3 ADDITIONAL felonies, which, being felonies, would probably garner another td’s worth of points! (i didn’t see them listed anywhere)
yoda was right….do or do not, there is no try.

by yz on Aug 1, 2006 4:04 PM EDT reply actions

Effort like this should be rewarded for its individual achievement, much like golf or track and field scoring, one category should give team credit and their should also be ‘medalist’ scoring for those truly great individual efforts that rise above

by Mark on Aug 1, 2006 4:07 PM EDT reply actions

The Ellis Jones III Taser Trophy: For a “stunning” individual effort in crime.

by DisplacedTexan on Aug 1, 2006 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

Spanktacular!!!

Being an AU fan, I’m required by law to come up with a bumper sticker…

“Honk if you were tasered by Ellis Jones III”

“Fear the Taser”

“Fear the Trunk”

by NewAZTiger on Aug 1, 2006 4:25 PM EDT reply actions

“If you’re not outraged, you’re either not paying attention or you’ve been tasered by Ellis Jones III.”

by Doug on Aug 1, 2006 5:30 PM EDT reply actions

“My parents went to San Jose St. and all they got was tasered by Ellis Jones III”

by nixforsix on Aug 1, 2006 5:35 PM EDT reply actions

31 points!?! 31 f’in points?!? Oh this Ellis Jones III was no football player turned criminal, but rather a criminal who just happened to play football. No one could could commit those crimes with that kind of alacrity without already being in “the life”.

by socalirish on Aug 1, 2006 5:35 PM EDT reply actions

Somewhere, Philip Fulmer is spilling out a 40 in memory of the one that got away…

by Doreblogger on Aug 1, 2006 5:53 PM EDT reply actions

This is great too:

“Jones is currently in custody in Tulare County on unrelated charges.”

That 31 point total might still go up

by tim on Aug 1, 2006 6:38 PM EDT reply actions

is there any chance these guys might read some of our chatter? i mean, stability would not be a word which pops to mind….

by yz on Aug 1, 2006 7:52 PM EDT reply actions

is there any chance these guys might read some of our chatter? i mean, stability would not be a word which pops to mind….

by yz on Aug 1, 2006 7:52 PM EDT reply actions

Vol signee just got picked up this morning for DUI

Lee Smith

Fulmer will not go down quietly

by HotlantaBill on Aug 2, 2006 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

USF Trying To Pick Up The Slack…

The Fulmer Cup — especially with the recent one-man, taser fueled surge from San Jose St. to throw the contest into complete disarray — as noted by MountainLair is lacking real presence from the Big East.
That’s not fair. The Bulls ar…

by Pitt Blather -- The Rantings Continue on Aug 2, 2006 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

Frankly, I’m shocked.

by John in Hsv on Aug 2, 2006 12:18 PM EDT reply actions

Actually, the 31 points should go up.

“Jones had already been suspended from the football team after his July 10 arrest on charges he robbed a pizzeria and occupants of a home in Visalia in Tulare County.”

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2536635

by gamecockfan on Aug 2, 2006 2:55 PM EDT reply actions

Doug (#25) wins.

by Brad on Aug 2, 2006 8:22 PM EDT reply actions

Whoops, I meant Displaced Texan at #23. Sorry Doug!

by Brad on Aug 2, 2006 8:25 PM EDT reply actions

The scoreboard should read:
1. Elias Jones III (SJSU)

“SJSU School of Business; One tough SOB!”

by Kane on Aug 2, 2006 9:19 PM EDT reply actions

And I thought my migraines were painful.
A One man come from behind Fulmer cup sweep.
I thnk he not only tasered his victims, but every Fulmer cup team ahead of him on the list.

Locally in the tristate (Indi/Ohio/Kentucky) they have a young man running around macing folks as he robs them. He’s described as young and athletic and brash…wonder if he plays for a local team?

If he does, he’ll be in the running for the fulmer cup individual award by himself (22-30 robberies being associated with that kid macing folks)

Dick Evans

by Dick Evans on Aug 12, 2006 7:58 PM EDT reply actions