VOL-ARITY: ROCKY TOP, TOY GUN VERSE

by Orson on Jul 31, 2006 3:20 PM EDT

When you're mad and driving down Rocky Top
Better pause and count to teeeeeen...
Cause when you pull toy guns on Rocky Top
Cops gonna put you in the pennnn...

UT's players don't get arrested for Grand Guignol crimes. For the most part, they earned the attachment of their coach's name to the Cup for petty, dumb crimes of the "Hulk, Smash" variety. Shy of one piddling convenience store tussle, they've been shy of living up to their lofty rep this year, and frankly, the offseason just hasn't had the same zing with the Vol roster on behavioral lockdown.

Worry no more, though: a real lockdown of nth degree foolishness awaits Vol DB Marsalous Johnson, who in a fit of road rage pointed a toy gun at a motorist on I-40 in Putnam County, TN. Not a bright thing to do in any situation, this got hip-waders deep when the other motorist revealed his day job: law enforcement officer. (HT: Clay, Rick.) Our wine/schadenfreude reviewer chimes in:

Just sit back and roll in that a little bit. Isn't that nice? Luxuriant, like a fine wine, with hints of cherry, leather, and pepper. Light on the palate, clean finish with a little oak and a final adios of berry. It's really a light Spanish Tempranillo of a crime, no?

Our thoughts exactly dude. Aggravated Assault Points of three pending for the Vols, with an optional point bonus for stupidity beyond the call waiting in the wings.

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Comments

He’s lucky he didn’t pull the TOY gun on a fella that hangs a REAL gun in his back window.

by Cool Hand Mike on Jul 31, 2006 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

That thing carries 20 years in prison in Florida — that is, if the toy gun is suspected by the victim of being a real gun. Recently a couple guys broke into a house and brandished a BB-gun made to look like a .45, and they might as well have used a .45, since they got hit with the same penalty.

by Newspaper Hack on Jul 31, 2006 4:01 PM EDT reply actions

Rocky Top, you’ll always be a joke university…

Between the street hood players and the trailer trash fanbase, can we all agree by now that UT’s the armpit of the SEC? Is this even up for debate?

by Doreblogger on Jul 31, 2006 4:20 PM EDT reply actions

A Fulmer Cup Hail Mary!! Mr. Johnson, you are a gentleman and a scholar(-athlete). I always knew the team would pull it together and land us on the leaderboard. In my head, I see this spooling out in gauzy, Lifetime-Channel-vision slow motion with “Save the Best for Last” playing in the background. I’ve never been prouder. Go Vawls!!

by Holly on Jul 31, 2006 4:31 PM EDT reply actions

Wow! I knew that players at UT were very disgruntled by the pay cuts Fulmer imposed last year. I didn’t realize that they had cut back to the point where the players can’t afford a real heater anymore.

by John in Hsv on Jul 31, 2006 4:42 PM EDT reply actions

I was getting the same slow mo ending however, Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back in Town” was coming through like I had my ear to the amp.

by King Harvest on Jul 31, 2006 4:44 PM EDT reply actions

I think the armpit status was cemented long ago with lyrics containing “no telephone bills” were incorperated into rocky top…

by psuedosilentobserver on Jul 31, 2006 4:46 PM EDT reply actions

Looks like they finally got around to charging Avery Atkins:

http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/Sports/CollegeSports/sptFBC01073006.htm

Looks like Florida is on the board.

by Blake on Jul 31, 2006 4:47 PM EDT reply actions

Yup. It’ll get posted.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 4:48 PM EDT reply actions

“can we all agree by now that UTs the armpit of the SEC?”

Then I guess Vandy is the smegma of the SEC. Always buried under the tip of the SEC, but occasionally (like once every 20 or so years) making their smelly presence known.

by Willie on Jul 31, 2006 4:49 PM EDT reply actions

Willie Williams, is that you? Did you learn a new word in the prison library?

by Doreblogger on Jul 31, 2006 4:59 PM EDT reply actions

“smegma”

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

by King Harvest on Jul 31, 2006 5:06 PM EDT reply actions

doreblogger, i guess you cant wait until 2029 arrives, the next time i guess another whit taylor/jay cutler phenom arrives and can win yall another super bowl…pathetic

by kilroy on Jul 31, 2006 5:08 PM EDT reply actions

Between the street hood players and the trailer trash fanbase, can we all agree by now that UTs the armpit of the SEC?

I been agreein’ for more than a decade, son.

UT is the armpit of the SEC; Alabama, the heart; Vandy, the brain; LSU, the sputtering, cirrhosis-seized liver; Florida, the bicep; Kentucky, the appendix . . . I could go on and on but I think I’ve made my “point,” to the extent that I had one.

by Doug on Jul 31, 2006 5:18 PM EDT reply actions

“Vandy, the brain”

Actually, I would consider Vandy the penis. They take a regular beating by the rest of the SEC, in all sports. Well, all sports that matter. I’m sure their chess and academic teams rule!

by Willie Williams on Jul 31, 2006 5:37 PM EDT reply actions

I have long considered Kentucky football a vestigial structure, too.

by AU03 on Jul 31, 2006 5:41 PM EDT reply actions

Hilarious, a Vanderbilt fan talking shit. I wonder if he knows how much it costs to have season tickets at UT? I don’t many white trash people who can afford the $1,000 base plus parking at 6 or 7 hundred plus the minimum $2,000 “donation”. Multiply that by the roughly 50,000 out of 104,000 fans that attend games as season-ticket holders and you’ve got some incredibly high paying white trash employement opportunities in this state. Also, Doreblogger, don’t forget Rutherford and other counties surrounding Nashville. Pretty upscale aren’t they….

by Brian on Jul 31, 2006 5:51 PM EDT reply actions

The funny thing isn’t a Vandy fan talking shit, but UT fans being offended by it.

by Newspaper Hack on Jul 31, 2006 7:24 PM EDT reply actions

I’m not defending Marsalous’s actions in any way. However, I will say that I knew him well when he played at Smyrna High School in Tennessee, and this behavior is shocking to me. I honestly think good kids get corrupted when they play football in that program.

by rebelfan on Jul 31, 2006 10:12 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, I guess you got a point Hack, but answer me this. If Doreblogger actually went to Vandy, then what in hell is he doing posting on this blog? Don’t they have some kind of lawyer blog or something?

by Brian on Jul 31, 2006 10:15 PM EDT reply actions

I guess, like Kentucky fans trying to forget the school actually has a football program.

by Newspaper Hack on Jul 31, 2006 10:54 PM EDT reply actions

So, Brian, you have to be stupid/uneducated to love college football?

by Robbie on Aug 1, 2006 10:41 AM EDT reply actions

Not suprising but apparently Johnson and passenger, UT linebacker Rico McCoy, have a very different version of the story. He said, she said type of thing. Lawyers give us some law speak about this.

by rjm78 on Aug 1, 2006 11:28 AM EDT reply actions