VOL-ARITY: ROCKY TOP, TOY GUN VERSE
When you’re mad and driving down Rocky Top
Better pause and count to teeeeeen…
Cause when you pull toy guns on Rocky Top
Cops gonna put you in the pennnn…
UT’s players don’t get arrested for Grand Guignol crimes. For the most part, they earned the attachment of their coach’s name to the Cup for petty, dumb crimes of the “Hulk, Smash” variety. Shy of one piddling convenience store tussle, they’ve been shy of living up to their lofty rep this year, and frankly, the offseason just hasn’t had the same zing with the Vol roster on behavioral lockdown.
Worry no more, though: a real lockdown of nth degree foolishness awaits Vol DB Marsalous Johnson, who in a fit of road rage pointed a toy gun at a motorist on I-40 in Putnam County, TN. Not a bright thing to do in any situation, this got hip-waders deep when the other motorist revealed his day job: law enforcement officer. (HT: Clay, Rick.) Our wine/schadenfreude reviewer chimes in:
Just sit back and roll in that a little bit. Isn’t that nice? Luxuriant, like a fine wine, with hints of cherry, leather, and pepper. Light on the palate, clean finish with a little oak and a final adios of berry. It’s really a light Spanish Tempranillo of a crime, no?
Our thoughts exactly dude. Aggravated Assault Points of three pending for the Vols, with an optional point bonus for stupidity beyond the call waiting in the wings.
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1
Cool Hand Mike says:
He’s lucky he didn’t pull the TOY gun on a fella that hangs a REAL gun in his back window.
July 31st, 2006 at 3:24 pm
2
Newspaper Hack says:
That thing carries 20 years in prison in Florida — that is, if the toy gun is suspected by the victim of being a real gun. Recently a couple guys broke into a house and brandished a BB-gun made to look like a .45, and they might as well have used a .45, since they got hit with the same penalty.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:01 pm
3
Doreblogger says:
Rocky Top, you’ll always be a joke university…
Between the street hood players and the trailer trash fanbase, can we all agree by now that UT’s the armpit of the SEC? Is this even up for debate?
July 31st, 2006 at 4:20 pm
4
Holly says:
A Fulmer Cup Hail Mary!! Mr. Johnson, you are a gentleman and a scholar(-athlete). I always knew the team would pull it together and land us on the leaderboard. In my head, I see this spooling out in gauzy, Lifetime-Channel-vision slow motion with “Save the Best for Last” playing in the background. I’ve never been prouder. Go Vawls!!
July 31st, 2006 at 4:31 pm
5
John in Hsv says:
Wow! I knew that players at UT were very disgruntled by the pay cuts Fulmer imposed last year. I didn’t realize that they had cut back to the point where the players can’t afford a real heater anymore.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:42 pm
6
King Harvest says:
I was getting the same slow mo ending however, Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back in Town” was coming through like I had my ear to the amp.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:44 pm
7
psuedosilentobserver says:
I think the armpit status was cemented long ago with lyrics containing “no telephone bills” were incorperated into rocky top…
July 31st, 2006 at 4:46 pm
8
Blake says:
Looks like they finally got around to charging Avery Atkins:
http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/Sports/CollegeSports/sptFBC01073006.htm
Looks like Florida is on the board.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:47 pm
9
Orson Swindle says:
Yup. It’ll get posted.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:48 pm
10
Willie says:
“can we all agree by now that UT’s the armpit of the SEC?”
Then I guess Vandy is the smegma of the SEC. Always buried under the tip of the SEC, but occasionally (like once every 20 or so years) making their smelly presence known.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:49 pm
11
Doreblogger says:
Willie Williams, is that you? Did you learn a new word in the prison library?
July 31st, 2006 at 4:59 pm
12
King Harvest says:
“smegma”
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit
July 31st, 2006 at 5:06 pm
13
kilroy says:
doreblogger, i guess you cant wait until 2029 arrives, the next time i guess another whit taylor/jay cutler phenom arrives and can win yall another super bowl…pathetic
July 31st, 2006 at 5:08 pm
14
Doug says:
Between the street hood players and the trailer trash fanbase, can we all agree by now that UT’s the armpit of the SEC?
I been agreein’ for more than a decade, son.
UT is the armpit of the SEC; Alabama, the heart; Vandy, the brain; LSU, the sputtering, cirrhosis-seized liver; Florida, the bicep; Kentucky, the appendix . . . I could go on and on but I think I’ve made my “point,” to the extent that I had one.
July 31st, 2006 at 5:18 pm
15
Willie Williams says:
“Vandy, the brain”
Actually, I would consider Vandy the penis. They take a regular beating by the rest of the SEC, in all sports. Well, all sports that matter. I’m sure their chess and academic teams rule!
July 31st, 2006 at 5:37 pm
16
AU03 says:
I have long considered Kentucky football a vestigial structure, too.
July 31st, 2006 at 5:41 pm
17
Brian says:
Hilarious, a Vanderbilt fan talking shit. I wonder if he knows how much it costs to have season tickets at UT? I don’t many white trash people who can afford the $1,000 base plus parking at 6 or 7 hundred plus the minimum $2,000 “donation”. Multiply that by the roughly 50,000 out of 104,000 fans that attend games as season-ticket holders and you’ve got some incredibly high paying white trash employement opportunities in this state. Also, Doreblogger, don’t forget Rutherford and other counties surrounding Nashville. Pretty upscale aren’t they….
July 31st, 2006 at 5:51 pm
18
Newspaper Hack says:
The funny thing isn’t a Vandy fan talking shit, but UT fans being offended by it.
July 31st, 2006 at 7:24 pm
19
rebelfan says:
I’m not defending Marsalous’s actions in any way. However, I will say that I knew him well when he played at Smyrna High School in Tennessee, and this behavior is shocking to me. I honestly think good kids get corrupted when they play football in that program.
July 31st, 2006 at 10:12 pm
20
Brian says:
Yeah, I guess you got a point Hack, but answer me this. If Doreblogger actually went to Vandy, then what in hell is he doing posting on this blog? Don’t they have some kind of lawyer blog or something?
July 31st, 2006 at 10:15 pm
21
Newspaper Hack says:
I guess, like Kentucky fans trying to forget the school actually has a football program.
July 31st, 2006 at 10:54 pm
22
Robbie says:
So, Brian, you have to be stupid/uneducated to love college football?
August 1st, 2006 at 10:41 am
23
rjm78 says:
Not suprising but apparently Johnson and passenger, UT linebacker Rico McCoy, have a very different version of the story. He said, she said type of thing. Lawyers give us some law speak about this.
August 1st, 2006 at 11:28 am
24
cocane says:
“you have to be stupid/uneducated to love college football?”
No, just to be a Gator fan.
August 1st, 2006 at 11:46 am
25
Johnny Houston says:
Hey, yall I just wanted to say that you can suck my cock…you all are just mad because Tennessee is the best team ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
March 12th, 2007 at 9:41 am
26
UT Springing Into Action: Defensive Backs | 3rd Saturday in Blogtober says:
[...] Ah yes, he who is most famous for carrying a toy gun in his car for protection. Thank you for the Fulmer Cup points, Marsalous, but we would rather see you focus on winning trophies on the football field. [...]
March 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am