SIGNS OF FOOTBALL ADVENT: INELIGIBILTY BREAKS OUT

by Orson on Jul 31, 2006 1:20 PM EDT

Ineligibility and concerns thereof...soak in just one of the heralds of football sitting just one shimmering month in the distance.

--Oregon State already lost the most underrated wide receiver in recent history, Mike Hass, to graduation; they may lose more to academic ineligibility before the season. Wideouts Marcel Love and Ruben Jackson may both be declared academically ineligible, leaving Oregon State in a position of "forced offensive diversity." But with all that throwing to the tight ends and running backs, they'll surely win a national championship, right? OSU's got a good stock of JUCO talent to supplant the losses, but even then they'll be wafer thin at wideout going into fall if neither Love nor Jackson qualifies.

--Florida DT Steven Harris, who's only a potentially vital piece of the Gators' vaunted D-line, ain't with the team right now due to "personal issues." Initially the reporting centered around injuries that might hamper Harris' participation in fall practice. Now he's got undisclosed personal problems. No worries, though. D-lineman grow on trees. You can go right up and pick one for yourself sometime next time you're in Asscrazyland.

--Brent Schaeffer, the starting quarterback at Ole Miss not actually enrolled at Ole Miss yet, is sitting somewhere feverishly working on an American History Crossword puzzle for his correspondence courses, yelling out things like "Who the fuck is Big Bill Heywood! And 54' 40 or fight? What the flying fuck does that mean?" If he manages to complete the puzzle and get back in time for the very beginning of classes, look for some downright unruly play by the Ole Miss offense for those first weeks of the season.

54' 40" or fight, motherfucker!

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USC Losing Players Dept. or

Here Comes the USC Brain Surgeons Dept:

In Los Angeles, some people call USC football players “the brain surgeons”, not in a nice way. Sort of like calling a bald man “curly”. Well, two its football playes may become brain surgeons after all. Here is the report from the LA Daily News:

Tings Quit

USC safeties Brandon and Ryan Ting decided to quit playing football, ``so that they can focus on the demands of their medical school ambitions now that they graduated this past spring,’’ according to a school spokesperson.

by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on Jul 31, 2006 1:31 PM EDT reply actions

Left coasters. We have our priorities straight down here. Med school or football? Please. Any one of our head coaches would talk that kid out of all that hard “book learning” in a heartbeat.

by Cool Hand Mike on Jul 31, 2006 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

Why exactly did the US want the Oregon Country (or the OC as I like to call it) all the way up to 54’40" again? Doesn’t seem all that desirable to me, what with all the snow and the Canadians there.

by PeteJayhawk on Jul 31, 2006 1:43 PM EDT reply actions

Further, why would a notorious former strike-breaker like Ed Orgeron let his QB learn about Big Bill Haywood from a crossword puzzle undoubtedly written by Noam Chomsky?

by Phil K. on Jul 31, 2006 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

Vancouver, Jayhawk, Vancouver.

by AU03 on Jul 31, 2006 3:03 PM EDT reply actions

Pete, 2 reasons. 1)“54 40 or Fight” sounds much better as a campaign slogan than “Hey, Let’s Just Compromise With the Brits.” and 2) Because it’s there.

Personally I’m just waiting for the EDSBS Brain Trust to drop a Nikephoros II/Mike Price reference.

by rob on Jul 31, 2006 4:43 PM EDT reply actions