GIVE US MONEY, OR GOD WILL TAKE US HOME

by Orson on Jul 31, 2006 4:54 PM EDT

See new content below--tons of it. And big hugs and thanks for the 450 bucks already poured into the PayPal account by readers.

August 4th last year was a big day for us, visitor-wise. Our server tells us so:

8/4/05: 3322 direct visits.

Big numbers for then. In comparison, we had a typically slow Friday this past week.

7/28/06: 12185

In fact, here's the overall trend for traffic on the site since our piddly little 36 reader a day debut.

More people are stopping by the site, which is good, because it means there's far more people out there with an appreciation for cheap jokes and Prince Wimbley references than you thought. However, it's got us in hot water with our host, who's been more than patient as EDSBS grows, swells, and ultimately has placed its fat adolescent ass all over the performance of the sites it shares hosting with on our shared server.

What we're saying is: we need a dedicated or semi-dedicated host, or EDSBS shall die in the onrush of oncoming traffic that will likely increase as the season nears. Or if not die exactly, then it'll be living in some kind of oft-suspended account vegetative state, since we've been suspended numerous times already for sucking up resources well beyond what we pay for on our host.

Therefore: let the EDSBS telethon begin! We'll hope to spare you the sights and sounds of Orson singing "Send In The Clowns" in a disheveled tuxedo, but we will be begging most of the week with a message at the top of the site pointing you to our "Make a Donation" button, which goes directly to our PayPal account. The money will go for:

--Securing dedicated hosting for EDSBS for the next year.

--Paying something to the IT and Design people who are working on the site redo and t-shirts (yes, we swear they're coming.)

--Getting a digital camera with video capability to capture road trips.

--Buying a sweet-ass Volkswagen Thing, outfitting it with a Hemi, and seeing if it doesn't tear the axles off the body.

Okay, the last one's strictly optional. But donations will help keep us posting fast and furious throughout the coming season with the inaccuracy, mild snark, extreme profanity, and complete enthusiasm you've come to expect from us. We do this out of love, and thus far have made the equivalent of a robust monthly cell phone bill from the combined ad revenue off the site. (Having a whole other job makes this strictly recreation.)

So please! (Taking knees, threatening to sing.) Donate now! Our levels of giving follow:

--Ten dollars: Thanks! People's feelings get hurt when they figure out what you're worth.

--Twenty dollars: Got money like WHOA.

--One hundred dollars: You earn your own standard simile used monthly at EDSBS. Example:

"Threading passes through tight zone coverage, Brady Quinn showed he has honeydew-sized balls--almost as big as EDSBS Platinum member Paul Westerdawg's gargantuan pair."

--One hundred thousand dollars: well, we'll meet you on the corner in fishnets.

So donate now using the "MAKE A DONATION" button. All sums and total are appreciated! We're giving this thing two weeks with constant, annoying reminders to drive the point home in between your normal doses of outstanding perverse college football humor content. But don't do it for us, or even yourself. Do it for our dog, dammit:

She doesn't know PHP. But she does know how to beg, so she's helping out. Give now.

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Comments

Don’t let the numbers go to your head and start going diva on our asses.

by Cool Hand Mike on Jul 31, 2006 10:36 AM EDT reply actions

We’re more likely to go Devo on you that Diva

by Stranko Montana on Jul 31, 2006 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

Hell no. We just want a dedicated server. 12K does not a diva make.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

Fundraising idea: Old people have lots of nice stuff and they aren’t very strong.

by Austin Dave on Jul 31, 2006 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

Are we not men? Well, that’s debatable.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 10:41 AM EDT reply actions

Orson should build an EDSBS robot to llot from the elderly because robots are strong, and robots are made of metal. They use old people’s medicines for fuel.

by irishoutsider on Jul 31, 2006 10:53 AM EDT reply actions

if i donate, can you reserve a size small t-shirt for me? i don’t want ya’ll’s groupie chicks to take all the little sizes and leave me with an XXL.

by adam on Jul 31, 2006 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

fuck feed the children, little pablo can starve…ill gladly give my 19.99 to help preserve and propogate this daily entertainment

by matt on Jul 31, 2006 10:57 AM EDT reply actions

Can your host site do bandwidth throttling and tokens?

Most places charge you by your 95 percentile, and there are readily available tools to keep your bandwidth under those limits by throttling the speed it sends out to others.

It will make the site load a bit slower, but it won’t get you in the dog-house with your provider.

by NewAZTiger on Jul 31, 2006 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Before I donate, I need to know one crucial piece of info:

Is that lil lady a blue weim?

by Aerobab on Jul 31, 2006 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

Great Dane.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

Oh, one other thing. You will find that the only real solution to this is ads. Subscription models don’t work very well on the IntarWeb because any void created by your site going private will be rapidly filled by someone elses web-site.

Slashdot.org has an interesting subscription model – where you can see stories early – so you might want to check out how they do it. They do use ads, however.

by NewAZTiger on Jul 31, 2006 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

Will do. Keep the suggestions coming.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, has AOL been in contact with you about being part of their blog network? I’ve seen them posting on Blue Gray Sky and House That Rock Built regarding some kind of paid blogging gig, and I can’t imagine they would have neglected you guys. Get all Drew Rosenhaus on their asses and tell them that if they want the best, they’re going to have to pay for the best, dammit. I wouldn’t sign for anything less than your own server and a cherry ’64 Impala.

Also, I will happily pony up as long as Stranko promises to keep posting gratuitous T ’n A on a regular basis.

by Phil K. on Jul 31, 2006 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

They did contact us, Phil. They want to do a running CFB blog independent of EDSBS. The money’s not bad, but it’s not enough to justify leaving the editorial freedom of your own space. We like to curse occasionally—beware!

Also: we could not stop Stranko from posting t’n a if we tried. He’s a desperate man.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 11:29 AM EDT reply actions

Do I at least get a tote bag?

O and S,
I work for an internet marketing firm. Not sure if we could help you raise some $$$ via the affiliate marketing route, but I would be happy to talk it over with you – let me know. (I know you guys aren’t in this for the money, but at least it would help you pay the bills.)

by GamecockTony on Jul 31, 2006 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

That would be nice. Email us at harumphharumph of the yahoo variety.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 11:34 AM EDT reply actions

I wish I had a house TnA poster on my site. It kinda gets me introuble with the lady friend…

“It wasn’t me, baby! It was my TnA guy! I know…it’s soo degrading!”

by Erik on Jul 31, 2006 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, I suggest you open up some sort of “EDSBS Insider” program and put all your best content their, causing us to curse you and create “100 Reasons EDSBS Sucks” or create an Original Programming division to make your magnum opus on Spurrier and his tenure at UF that would make the “Junction Boys” piss themselves. Seriously, please don’t go vegetative, you’re in Florida and they can kill you for doing that.

by Nick on Jul 31, 2006 11:40 AM EDT reply actions

The TnA guy… I like that.

by Stranko Montana on Jul 31, 2006 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

I’ll throw in a lil somethin, you know, for the effort.

Gungagalunga.

by PSUrob on Jul 31, 2006 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

Hey, I know that y’all are of the legal ilk – but, have you considered the tax consequences of this?

Are you a non-profit organization? Is my donation tax deductible?

Is EDSBS a pass through entity? Will you pick this up as ordinary income?

Just wondering.

by PSUgirl on Jul 31, 2006 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

Mmm — Prince Wimbley. The man who put Siran Stacy’s name to shame.

Speaking of names, I hear Pooh Bear Wiliams coaches a junior high football team near where I work. Maybe I can go down there and get some candids of the Pooh working his magic. I’d send them to you, but you know, I’d need to get paid. This freelance don’t come free, but can be bought off with cash money, booze, or football tickets.

by Newspaper Hack on Jul 31, 2006 12:08 PM EDT reply actions

piddling grad-student donation submitted.

keep up the good work, gents.

by ESMjr. on Jul 31, 2006 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

I already gave last month’s salary to saving Screech’s house and a $1000 Vow of Faith to Bob Tilton. Maybe I can dig up some more funds.

by Jeff on Jul 31, 2006 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

A Great Dane??? Orson, how did you manage to escape the fate of the Retriever?

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=1758

This is still one of my all-time favorites posts from EDSBS.

by Geaux Irish on Jul 31, 2006 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

You guys seem to like music and reference it in posts, why don’t you become an iTunes music store affiliate, through linkshare.com. You can link to specific songs from time to tim or encourage all of your readers to click on the iTunes link on your page, when they are going to buy something anyways. It will only net you 5% commission but along with some Adsense ads, instead of the BlogAds, you could probably bring in a decent amount.

by nixforsix on Jul 31, 2006 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

By having a very dog-literate wife with a researcher’s soul. She knew how brainless all retrievers are. Great Danes, OTOH, rarely move and require only affection and two soft spaces in the home to sleep on.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

Plus if you need any stumps removed from your yard they’re big enough for that too.

by Cool Hand Mike on Jul 31, 2006 1:36 PM EDT reply actions

Would it help if your links opened in a new window? That way I wouldn’t have to go back to your page so often.

by Squishy on Jul 31, 2006 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t see the address. I don’t have a creit card but I can mail you $25,00. How do I do that I need an address . I’ll just sen cash. Your sight is the first thing I read.

by Jim masterson on Jul 31, 2006 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

I’ll have a PO Box set up shortly for that, Jim.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

Does my donation come with a guarantee that your next five posts about OSU will all be flattering?

by Tom on Jul 31, 2006 2:17 PM EDT reply actions

Fuck that, I’ll donate twice what I’m intending to give if the next five posts eviscrate tOSU even more.

by psuedosilentobserver on Jul 31, 2006 2:21 PM EDT reply actions

I just dropped $20 bucks on your blog, which indicates either:

A) You guys provide interesting, worthwhile content.

B) I am hopelessly addicted to College Football

C) My job is reeeeeeallly boring.

D) All of the above.

Looks like I’ll take D, and another shot of Four Roses. Best of luck fellas!

by Sam on Jul 31, 2006 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

Fuck that, Ill donate twice what Im intending to give if the next five posts eviscrate tOSU even more.

As a Penn State fan, I assume that donation will be in the form of some sort of tapioca product.

by Tom on Jul 31, 2006 2:33 PM EDT reply actions

Another pathetic graduate student donation registered. I assume this link will be up indefinitely so that I may send along something more substantial (OK, given my paychecks, “substantial” may not be the word) when I am paid, post-Labor Day?

by ACC_Expat on Jul 31, 2006 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

You guys should have never posted Carl Monday. Ye brought it upon ye selves.

by Evil CliffX on Jul 31, 2006 3:04 PM EDT reply actions

Done and done. Who loves you baby…

by Notre Dan on Jul 31, 2006 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

You do, and it’s greatly appreciated.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 31, 2006 4:02 PM EDT reply actions

Hi boys, Just helped out a little.

Please set a post where the Orgebeast, Les Miles, and Mack Brown gang up somehow on Coach Fran.

by Southern Papa on Jul 31, 2006 7:13 PM EDT reply actions

Crap. If I pay for what I think this site is worth … well, I’ll be the one on the corner.

Yikes.

by heath on Jul 31, 2006 7:18 PM EDT reply actions

Give me a P.O. box, and in 10 sec I’ll be off to the nearest mailbox. As long as you can assure me none of this money will end up going to the Soveriegn Republic of Dee’s military budget.

by Andrew on Jul 31, 2006 7:52 PM EDT reply actions

I’m willing to kick in a little, but, first, I need your ironclad assurances that my donation will not be used for the purpose of putting up some asinine billboard in Los Angeles or Baton Rouge.

by T. Kyle King on Jul 31, 2006 8:05 PM EDT reply actions