CHUCK HEATER WILL GO TO HELL TO GET A RECRUIT
Like most great stories, this one’s tucked away in a whole other article about the beginning of Florida practice:
Meyer said all 26 of Florida’s incoming freshmen will begin practice next week, but DB Wondy Pierre-Louis had a difficult time becoming eligible to come to Gainesville. Pierre-Louis didn’t have to worry about the NCAA, but rather the U.S. Citizenship and Naturalization Service.
Meyer said Pierre-Louis, a Haitian citizen, was in the country illegally when he played at Naples Lely High. Pierre-Louis had to return to Haiti to get a student visa…
Meyer said Gators defensive backs coach Chuck Heater traveled to Haiti to help ensure that Pierre-Louis would get his visa.
Chuck Heater went to Haiti on a recruiting trip? Besides sounding like the worst husbandly alibi for a coke ‘n whores binge in the Caribbean to tell your wife ever, Heater earns massive points as a lightning-pulsed recruiter for that. Going down to South Florida’s one thing; braving the piss-reek of Duvalier Airport and the often flaming streets of Port-Au-Prince to argue with United States consular officials embodies recruiting madness.
Florida’s evidently got a lead on all other schools save Miami for Carib recruiting. But while we’re making our own little contract of Tordesillas, what schools would have an advantage in recruiting geopolitically? Tennessee would own Austria, or at least display pronounced interest thanks to streets crammed with tasty pastries and greasy sausages.
Leave your own geopolitical matches below.
Pictures from Chuck Heater’s vacation.
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1
Crazy Joe says:
I’d expect Texas Tech to compete in the Caribbean given Mike Leach’s love of Pirates
July 31st, 2006 at 2:02 pm
2
Cool Hand Mike says:
If voodoo is the help with the running game Coach Meyer is looking for, he’s in the right place.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:02 pm
3
Crazy Joe says:
oh, just thought of 2 more:
Stealing one from you guys, Georgia Tech and Uzbekistan, given there similar standing in world affairs/college football.
And how about Iran and BYU, since they don’t like fun (drinking/casual sex).
July 31st, 2006 at 2:09 pm
4
Phil K. says:
Pete Carroll in Rio de Janeiro. Aside from obvious comparisons between Southern Cal and Brazil (mind-bogglingly talented stars, flashy style of play in the middle a of world-renowned ghetto), Carroll’s coaching philosophy is summed up by the name of one of Rio’s Carnival parades: “‘Simpatia é Quase Amor’: One of the most popular parades in Ipanema. Translates as ‘Friendliness is almost love’.”
July 31st, 2006 at 2:13 pm
5
ohiodawg says:
Colorado State gets New Zealand, the land of more sheep than people.
I doubt the NCAA will let you count Indian nations.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:19 pm
6
NDTom says:
Notre Dame gets Italy, both for the obvious papal connection and Charlie Weis’ “connections” in Jersey
July 31st, 2006 at 2:31 pm
7
nixforsix says:
If Terry Bowden was still around I’d probably compare him to Kim Jong Il.
Maryland might have the inside track on recruiting in Israel judging by their huge Jewish student population.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:33 pm
8
nixforsix says:
http://www.hillel.org/HillelApps/JLOC/Campus.aspx?AgencyId=17863
July 31st, 2006 at 2:33 pm
9
PeteJayhawk says:
I think we’ve got the Pontic steppe pretty well wrapped up.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:33 pm
10
PeteJayhawk says:
And politically, I think Kansas matches well with that Asscrazyland to which Orson referred earlier.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:36 pm
11
ohiodawg says:
Maybe Fulmer can go back in time and recruit from the United States of the William Howard Taft era.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:44 pm
12
MP says:
Well then Cal gets China, The People’s Republic of Berkeley finally becomes a useful pejorative
July 31st, 2006 at 2:49 pm
13
the programme says:
Gven their records of success in competition, Virginia and France.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:50 pm
14
Neil says:
ND also gets an edge in Poland, with so many players lacking the proper number of vowels in their names: Zbikowski, Samardzija, etc.
Also, the obvious Ireland pipeline…
July 31st, 2006 at 2:59 pm
15
John in Hsv says:
Auburn gets Turkey. Both places smell like crap and all the male inhabitants have a preference for asspipe.
July 31st, 2006 at 3:23 pm
16
Notre Dan says:
Miami – Australia
“Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals” – as is “the U”. A perfect recruiting match.
Penn State – Japan
In Japan they have great respect for their elders. So their outstanding football players will naturally gravitate toward JoePa.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:14 pm
17
GamecockTony says:
The Wondy Pierre-Louis is fantastic when paired with pecan-encrusted salmon and baby squash.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:19 pm
18
Orson Swindle says:
Nice.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:21 pm
19
Doreblogger says:
Orgeron would fight every single warlord in Haiti to get a recruit…
July 31st, 2006 at 4:27 pm
20
AU03 says:
Auburn may smell like crap (in some places), but it’s of the bovine variety.
In Tuscaloosa, it smells of the human kind, probably because it floods the floors of the bars- I’ve seen it firsthand and actually was there when an LSU fan was paid $100 to drink a cup of it.
That being said, BAMA is a lot like France- it’s inhabitants are whiney, are constantly are burdens on the state, and immediately surrender whenever they are invaded by their rivals to the east, whom they have never defeated on their own soil. In addition, neither has been significant in a long time. The difference between the two is that one isn’t a shithole.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:51 pm
21
AU03 says:
Orgeron would not only fight the warlords, he would kill them and grind their remnants into an etouffee that would put Chef Paul Prudhomme to shame, and feed it to the thousands of starving inhabitants of Haiti.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:56 pm
22
bubba says:
Egypt would also be a pipeline to GaTech. You know, pyramids and engineers and stuff.
Alabama/Auburn – Iran/Iraq – Very religious constituency. Outsiders have a hard time telling the two apart.
July 31st, 2006 at 5:02 pm
23
AU03 says:
John, you must have been in a Turkish Prison, which undeniably means you’ve seen a grown man naked. Perhaps you like movies about gladiators?
July 31st, 2006 at 5:55 pm
24
Orson Swindle says:
“Orgeron would not only fight the warlords, he would kill them and grind their remnants into an etouffee that would put Chef Paul Prudhomme to shame, and feed it to the thousands of starving inhabitants of Haiti.”
And then kill them all to remind them that he giveth, and he taketh away.
July 31st, 2006 at 5:56 pm
25
OUDave says:
West Virginia would own Somalia, they’d be used to things burning in the streets.
July 31st, 2006 at 11:12 pm
26
Nate says:
I’d say that Hawaii would have the recruiting edge in Japan, but Hawaii’s a territory of Japan already…right?
July 31st, 2006 at 11:17 pm
27
E-Man says:
I thought ND already had the Eastern European market sewn up. Darius Walker is getting his name changed to Dimitri Wazikinizci just so he can fit in.
August 1st, 2006 at 12:16 am
28
John in Hsv says:
Nice try AU03.
Comparing Bama to France is a real long reach, and frankly, you didn’t make it.
Enjoy your brief opp to make inane historical statements on four years worth of datapoints. You must have taken statistics as a directed study course at Auburn.
And oh, by the way, the next time you want to talk smack about another SEC team being “whiny” and without bravado remember my words to you now.
At perhaps its lowest moment in modern SEC history Auburn had the opportunity to make a statement. After firing little Terry Bowden it could have faced Diddy and said to the world “We are Auburn, and we are scared of no team”. Instead, it plunked down its money like the schoolyard twist, tucked its tail between its legs, and wandered off like the scared pansy it was. Just like the French.
Pussies.
August 1st, 2006 at 1:37 am
29
AU03 says:
2002- “We only lost because coach Fran was leaving.”
2003- “We only lost because we weren’t any good.”
2004- “We only lost because Brodie was hurt.”
2005- “We only lost beause our line was hurt.”
Keep the whining and excuses coming, John. You are in denial. Oh, wait, I didn’t even mention probation. “We were on probation.” Last time we were on probation, we beat you when you were defending national champs.
I see you were referring to the FSU incident (wow, a BAMA fan bringing up something that happened last century- I didn’t see that coming). Bobby Bowden didn’t want to play us after we fired his son, either, so the agreement to nix the series was mutual. We took the blame, and we paid up, because we (read, Bobby Lowder) fired his son.
Keep spinning shit to make yourself feel better, John. If that’s what you have to do at 1:30 AM while you drown yourself in whiskey, (sic) go right ahead. I stand behind my comparison, which I feel is spot-on, having attended every Iron Bowl in T-town since they started playing there again. You have not shown one reason why it wasn’t- you just tried to turn it back on us, and like the last 4 Iron Bowls, you failed miserably.
Another thing- learn to take a fucking joke. If you are going to sit there and compare Auburn to Turkey, because, “all the male inhabitants have a preference for asspipe,” you need to learn to take comparisons that actually have some basis to them.
August 1st, 2006 at 8:00 am
30
John in Hsv says:
AU03,
The truth still stings doesn’t it? In the eyes of those who love college football Auburn will always be the suit that folded cheaply. It’s one of the reasons that people associate your lone undefeated season with hometown tractor parades that declare you the king of nothing.
I haven’t made excuse one for Bama’s performance over the last 4 years. I’ve been going to the Iron Bowl since 1966, so I take a somewhat broader view than someone who likely took statistics as a directed reading course at Auburn.
August 1st, 2006 at 11:42 am
31
AU03 says:
I took Business statistics, as required for my major, as well as a graduate-level Forecasting class, which involved use of the SAS system.
No directed studies classes and no sociology.
Speaking of stats, the only one in the post in which you are referring is the $100 the LSU fan got paid for drinking sewage from the floor of Galette’s (sp?), so I harldy see grounds in attacking my statistical education, which has nothing to hide in terms of vaildity.
But if you want stats, here’s one:
In a sample of 30 of your comments, the mean is, your an asshole, whith a standard deviation of 0.
August 1st, 2006 at 12:02 pm
32
Patrick says:
Boston College gets Canada. Our #2 receiver, Kevin Challenger, and our former longsnapper Francois Brochu (sic?) are both have igloos up there. Don’t forget BC’s hockey ties either, although I’m sure most of the mullet-sporters are local New England products.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:21 pm
33
Meethinks says:
U BICH (Univ. of Boston in Chestnut Hill) gets Stalinist Russia, just as Stalin turned on FDR & Churchill, they turned on their ‘comrades’ of the Big East.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:44 pm
34
John in Hsv says:
“In a sample of 30 of your comments, the mean is, your an asshole, whith a standard deviation of 0. ”
You appear to be long on analysis that produces meaningless statistics and very short on skills in language composition. Congratulations on your Business Statistics degree from Auburn.
Maybe after you finish your graduate work in forecasting they can teach you the difference between a possessive pronoun and a contraction.
August 1st, 2006 at 3:46 pm