PLEASE, DON’T MAKE THE ORGERON ANGRY
The Orgeron still awaits the arrival of prized recruit and expected starter Brent Schaeffer. The hold up is that Schaeffer is trying to finish up his course work at the Harvard of the west, College of the Sequoias. If this doesn’t happen soon, we expect The Orgeron will be angry; and nobody wants that to happen. So, for the love of all that is good about humanity, please pass that class Brent. I’d hate to see all the other innocent students, faculty and staff at the College of the Sequoias end up suffering the wrath of the beast.
The Orgeron is seen here warning California that an apocalypse is near if Schaeffer doesn’t report soon.
Loading ...
1
Cool Hand Mike says:
He will personally break the San Andreas fault apart and you bitches will be swimming in the Pacific. Give him his QB. NOW!
July 28th, 2006 at 10:01 am
2
Phil K. says:
At my company’s annual dinner cruise on Lake Michigan last night, I discovered that many of our (mostly female) sales reps for the southern region are rabid college football fans with allegiances to various SEC teams. One of them related to me an encounter with the Orgeron. She was one of only 3 women out of 75 attendees at an Ole Miss Rebels Booster Club dinner in Memphis. Orgeron reportedly came over to her table, slapped her on the back so hard she almost “fell out of [her] chair”, shook her hand and said, “Hi, I’m Ed Orgeron.” The handshake left her with “bruises on [her] wrists for two weeks”. In SEC football, fear is the heart of love.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:10 am
3
matt says:
the orgerons beast hands probably extended all the way up to her elbows
July 28th, 2006 at 10:13 am
4
Chris says:
What Phil doesn’t mention is that the bruise left on the lady eventually turned into an image of the Virgin Mary
July 28th, 2006 at 10:21 am
5
Lawtool says:
Orgeron’s tears cure cancer; too bad he’s never cried.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:32 am
6
Robbie says:
Well done, CHM.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:34 am
7
Tarpon says:
Orgeron won the long drive contest at his local golf club using only his penis and a bowling ball
July 28th, 2006 at 10:41 am
8
Rome says:
Please let me know if this kid fails to make it by 5:00 p.m. central time. If he does not, I will climb the highest hill (within a 5 mile radius of course) and then procede to sacrafice a virgin, or a lamb, or to just stay out of trouble I might set some old baseball cards on fire.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:42 am
9
GamecockTony says:
I would imagine they have a hell of a Forestry program at College of the Sequoias.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:45 am
10
Mike says:
“Orgeron is the father of every kid in this town!”
“Orgeron once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!”
“One time I was with Orgeron in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Orgeron goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Ed Orgeron! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, ‘Orgeron’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!’”
“He’d eat a homeless person if you dared him!”
“His poop is used as currency in Argentina.”
“He sweats Gatorade”
“He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.”
“He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! …….And he hated irony!”
“I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.”
“He sheds his skin once a year.”
“He did 3 tours in ‘Nam…… I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it’s Ho Tran Orgeron!”
“I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.”
“He sleeps eight hours a night! …….. well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.”
“Orgeron was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!”
“Orgeron had a four day heart attack…a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a football filled with riccotta cheese.”
“He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.”
“He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.”
“They found $60 in change in his stomach.”
“He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.”
“Orgeron drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, ‘All in all, I prefer gin.’”
“They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Orgeron talk in his sleep.”
“He date raped David Bowie.”
“He once inhaled a seagull.”
“The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.”
“It was the sight of Orgeron’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.”
“He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.”
“He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.”
“He once ate the Bible while water skiing.”
“He drives a Hummer covered in human skulls.”
“You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!”
“He has dandruff the size of mice!”
“He jogged with a fridge on his back!”
“Orgeron was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!”
“He’s a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.”
“He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen.”
“He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.”
“Did I ever tell you about the time Orgeron went hunting? Orgeron decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives…except Fleagle.”
“We once had a bachelor party for Orgeron. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.”
“Orgeron once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart.”
“He has a toenail on the end of his penis.”
“Orgeron once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.”
“Orgeron’s family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.”
“Orgeron ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool.”
“Did I ever tell you about the time Orgeron was in a production of, ‘The King & I?’ On opening night, Orgeron chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.”
“He breastfeeds John Madden.”
“Orgeron named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.”
“If you drop a phonograph needle on Orgeron’s nipple, it plays the Beach Boys’ ‘Pet Sounds.’”
“They use Orgeron’s foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium.”
“All the ‘Yes’ album covers are Orgeron family photos.”
“He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.”
“Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Orgeron said it would’ve happened sometime.”
“Orgeron’s semen can form into a liquid human – like the guy from ‘Terminator 2′”
“Orgeron still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.”
“The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Orgeron – except for the apple tree planting and not raping men.”
“He gave a handjob to a manta ray.”
July 28th, 2006 at 11:42 am
11
Cool Hand Mike says:
Hilarious.
July 28th, 2006 at 11:53 am
12
Erik says:
So i guess that puts an end to this thread. Strong Work, Mike…
However, I think Orgeron has been going to some sensitivity training. Check out his most recent interview at media days. He’s all smiles, polite and friendly with the media. Maybe it’s a crafty trap!
Click on Orgeron’s “video” after doing the link
July 28th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
13
S says:
maybe he can borrow tulane’s qb
July 28th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
14
socalirish says:
Harvard of the west… heh, heh, heh that’s good stuff…
July 28th, 2006 at 1:26 pm
15
adam says:
well, mike, i’m okay with most of that stuff. but date raping david bowie? that is NOT cool.
July 28th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
16
Lawtool says:
orgeron is a clown; he makes chuck amato look like vince lombardi.
and vince lombardi always gets laid on the first date. always.
July 28th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
17
Phil K. says:
Run for your lives. The Orgeron’s comin’, and hell’s comin’ with him.
July 28th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
18
paulwesterdawg says:
The Orgeron built Disney World Memphis from the ground up with only a rock hammer, a used condom, and a 3 gallon jar of mayonnaise.
pwd
July 28th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
19
Rome says:
Mike, you should put that into book form. You’d make a killing.
Punching the cow and Ho Tran Orgeron have to be the best.
July 28th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
20
Todd says:
When rain threatened to disrupt the Orgeron’s first practice at Ole Miss, he leaped into the clouds, causing them to completely disappear. It hasn’t rained in Mississippi since.
July 28th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
21
Erik says:
Ed Orgeron Had Sex With My Wife On Our Wedding Night.
July 28th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
22
paulwesterdawg says:
When The Orgeron was in the CIA, he lead “Operation Price is Right” It was a plot to overthrow the Chinese government through reverse engineering of cheaply manufactured goods dumped on US soil.
Unfortunately, The Orgeron’s partner went rogue. The partner was actually a double agent working against US interests in Southeast Asia. That partner later took his intel and entered into a joint venture with the Chinese Government to create Wal-Mart. That man’s name was Sam Walton.
And Ole Miss has hated the Arkansas Razorbacks to this day.
pwd
July 28th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
23
Robbie says:
Rome, considering he ripped them either straight from SNL or another website in which people offered their original Bill Brasky stories, I don’t think he’d make a dime.
July 28th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
24
Erik says:
Geez, Robbie. You didn’t have to go all Debbie Downer on us…
July 28th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
25
Robbie says:
Just an advocate of the truth…
July 28th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
26
Lawtool says:
You can’t handle the truth.
July 28th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
27
BamaHamr says:
Ed comes to my house every 3rd Tuesday and has his way with my wife, saint bernard, and yes…..me.
he films it all and shows it to his players
p.s. my wife has enrolled at Ole Miss for the Fall
July 28th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
28
Willy Mac says:
Orgerons meals consist of babies and live wolverines
July 28th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
29
Mark says:
I haven’t watched SNL in a decade, since every time I’ve stumbled across it I’m mostly just like “what the hell is this, this isn’t funny!” Can someone fill me in on the source of Mike’s stuff?
July 28th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
30
Robbie says:
Hey Mark…it originated as part of a series of skits about a fictitious character named Bill Brasky. A group of guys (seems like maybe they were salesmen that got together at conferences, etc.) would be together drinking beers and trading stories about how big of a badass Bill Brasky is/was.
The Brasky skit ostensibly inspired the Chuck Norris email, etc.
Hope that gives the necessary context.
July 28th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
31
Phil K. says:
Piss off, sister, and get us some peanuts.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:07 pm
32
Todd says:
When the French heard that Orgeron was planning his honeymoon in Europe, they went ahead and surrendered just to be on the safe side.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
33
Rome says:
How about this.
The Orgeron came to my house and kicked my dog over the fence and into the neighbors yard. When my dog came back, it apologized to the Orgeron for getting in his way.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
34
Long says:
There is no theory of evolution, Just a list of creatures that THE ORGERON has allowed to live.
Orgeron does not get frost bite. Orgeron bites frost bite.
Ed Orgeron can believe its not butter
July 28th, 2006 at 4:21 pm
35
Todd says:
Ed Orgeron briefly considered quitting drinking, but then decided gas prices hadn’t risen THAT much.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
36
GamecockTony says:
Ed Orgeron once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
37
Todd says:
Ed Orgeron was once listed on the periodic table by mistake when scientists took the old Navajo saying “Ed Orgeron is comprised of only one molecule…PAIN” literally.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
38
Ronald Reagans Ghost says:
The Origin of Famous Quotes from Snopes.com
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall.” ~ Ed Orgeron
July 28th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
39
Rome says:
Hiroshima, Nagasaki, atom bomb. Bullshit, Ed Orgeron when his American Outfitters catalogue was a day late.
July 28th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
40
charlie says:
I’m an Ole Miss fan and I got to tell you – That there’s funny – I don’t care who you are!!
July 28th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
41
paulwesterdawg says:
Did I ever tell you guys about the time Orgeron took me to a lesbian bar?
Well, it was a misty summer night and Orgeron tells me that the only way he was gonna drink any scotch was if a dyke handed it to him. So we end up in some dank downtown bistro filled with man-cuts and pubic hair. Out of the blue, Orgeron stands tall on top of the bar and rips off his pants! Well, wouldn’t you know it, ever woman in that bar at that moment gave birth to a litter of twins! Orgeron screams out, “If you wont accept my seed I will force it upon you!”
And I’ll be damned if at least three of those babies didn’t grow up to become the cast of Golden Girls!
(shamlessly ripped from eBaum)
pwd
July 30th, 2006 at 12:44 am
42
S says:
has anyone ever heard lou holtz attempt to say ”
mississippi”. or “statsitical physics”
July 30th, 2006 at 12:49 am
43
Bill says:
WAIT A SECOND.
YOU MEAN SYLVESTER STALLONE ISN’T THE HEAD COACH OF OLE MISS?!?!?!
MOTHER F***ER!!!!
July 30th, 2006 at 8:00 am
44
Ole Piss says:
Orgeron is an assclown, and Ole Miss is the Vanderbilt (without the smart people) of the SEC West.
July 30th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
45
paulwesterdawg says:
The only team in the SEC that takes shots at Ole Miss is MSU fans.
And them making fun of Ole Miss’ academics is like Enron execs making fun of WorldCom.
July 31st, 2006 at 1:02 am
46
Erik says:
You’d be surprised, Paul. Ole Miss had many enemies!
July 31st, 2006 at 10:23 am
47
Robbie says:
All I’ll say about Ole Miss is that they have the single most delusional fans in the SEC. Hands down.
July 31st, 2006 at 10:49 am
48
Mike says:
yes, that is from SNL Bill Brasky skit but I thought it was appropriate…by the way, Bill Brasky died because he cut off Ed Oregron in traffic….Orgeron got out of his Hummer ate Brasky and his Dodge Stratus in 3 bites along with a nice chianti and fava beans….
Here’s a few more:
The south didn’t actually lose the Civil war. They traded away their certain victory for the right to be the future home of Orgeron.
When Orgeron was born he came out of his mother’s womb in a perfect three point stance.
Orgeron never has to peel an orange he simply compelles his oranges to peel themselves. This rarely happened because Orgeron is a meat and potatoes man.
Orgeron doesn’t pay hookers. Hookers pay Orgeron.
Orgeron drank Wild Turkey and peed domesticated chicken.
When the people of the future resurected Orgeron to defeat the invading hordes of alien cyborgs he did so with perfect blocking, tackling, and ball protection.
Orgeron has no tear ducts, nor does he need them.
Orgeron’s guns are acknowledged by Southern Baptists as their only official miracle.
Since Orgeron was busy when the Beatles recorded Sgt. Pepper he was unavailable for their album cover. They attempted to approximate his greatness by adding over 90 other famous people. They failed.
Orgeron’s face has not yet appeared on any currency. This is only because the world doesn’t have enough wealth yet to equal a single Orgeronillion.
Ed Orgeron doesn’t mumble, he speaks in all languages at once.
July 31st, 2006 at 10:51 am
49
andrew says:
Record heat in Cali . . . methinks the Orgeron has deployed Stewie’s weather machine.
July 31st, 2006 at 1:59 pm
50
Willy Mac says:
Whoa whoa whoa… if you think they are delusional, you’ve never met a South Carolina diehard.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:59 am
51
ga_dawg says:
Way to totally rip every one of Bill Brasky’s lines mike!
August 10th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
52
gramsey712 says:
Some guys walk up and stick it in
The Orgeron sticks it in and walks up
August 10th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
53
chatsig0954 says:
As a teen, Orgeron had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
August 11th, 2006 at 12:22 pm