ATLANTA TO GET SECOND BOWL GAME? WOOOOOO!!!

by Orson on Jul 27, 2006 8:21 AM EDT

If you've never been around it, the Peach Bowl is a surprisingly well-run, together, and pleasant bowl experience, even if your team fails to show up for the game under an interim coach. (The Chik-Fil-A snack trays peppering the place don't hurt anything save your life expectancy, either.) The news that Atlanta's seeking a second bowl game is nothing but good news, if only because it gives us an excuse to shoehorn in our list of local dream sponsors for the game, which we'll hypothetically call "The Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes Memorial" for no reason in particular.

Dream sponsors:

1. The Cheetah. Also known as the Spring Street ballet, the local strip-mall of choice for the majority of 404ers turns into a diabolical bear trap for men every Saturday during the fall, taking half the lounge and turning it into multi-screened Thunderdome of football, scantily clad waitresses, fried food, and free-flowing alcohol on tap. Sponsoring the bowl game would allow them to do this to the entire Georgia dome for the Left Eye Bowl, a formidable selling point unless you're concerned about being "family friendly." Not selling alcohol must remain the rule, however, since combining the two environments would probably end up looking something like the USO scene in Apocalypse Now minus helicopter rescue.

Probably not a good idea, actually.

2. Jermaine Dupri. It would have to be called the "So So Def" bowl if JD was involved, with JD serving up chicken, waffles, and expensive champagnes to the masses while annoying the hell out of everyone by talking over the whole game in bursts of "everybody just-everybody just bounce" and "so...so...def." Actually, this is a terrible idea, even if JD steps to the fifty yard line in between each quarter and pulls Janet Jackson's top off.

Sub Lil Jon and sponsor Crunk Energy Juice for this spot and watch the pimp cups flash in the thick, stanky haze of smoke sure to roll over the field during pregame.

3. Boss Hogg. The white-suited Hazzard county business magnate has been looking for an excuse to flaunt his wealth while promoting his new line of pork-based beauty products, and a bowl game would be an ideal venue for this. Unfortunately, despite halftime entertainment by Travis Tritt, Hogg's plans would be undermined by the incompetent management of Bowl CEO Rosco P. Coltrane and the meddling of unknown dirt track racing brothers rumored to be white supremacists.

Wanna look pretty, ladies? Boss Hogg's Pork Loin Lid Lifting Cream is for you!

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Comments

Freaknik Bowl. Come on, I believe men of all ages and races would show for that.

by Cool Hand Mike on Jul 27, 2006 8:50 AM EDT reply actions

Phil Fulmer swears by Boss’ products.

by Stranko Montana on Jul 27, 2006 8:56 AM EDT reply actions

I always thought it would be great if you hit one of those huge lottery jackpots, you could blow some of the money on sponsoring a bowl game. Come on, who wouldn’t want to watch the “Orson Swindle Bowl”

by parker91 on Jul 27, 2006 9:11 AM EDT reply actions

Cheetah droolz . . . Pony Rulz

by Jacketdan on Jul 27, 2006 9:38 AM EDT reply actions

The Varsity Bowl – The only concessions at the game are slaw dogs, burgers, onion rings and (Jack and) Coke. The mob-scene lines at the restaurant prep you for the bathrooms at the game.

by ohiodawg on Jul 27, 2006 9:43 AM EDT reply actions

Just make sure it isn’t the Dale Murphy Bowl.
As much as I love the man, his Mormon-osity would make it boring as hell.

Its just like Ryan Smith said: Mormans R teh suxorz.

by AUAlum on Jul 27, 2006 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

How about the Rainbow Bowl sponsored by Blake’s; or since it will probably be a matchup of 7-5 teams, the “Moondog’s Left Eye Bowl” including free popcorn and drunken 18-year old girls, so all the Tech fans will feel at home.

by Crazy Joe on Jul 27, 2006 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

cowtippers bowl

by matt on Jul 27, 2006 10:23 AM EDT reply actions

The Clermont Lounge ATL Bowl. Horrifying viewers from coast to coast.

by Black on Jul 27, 2006 10:27 AM EDT reply actions

I still maintain that it should be called the Swag Bowl. I mean, just walk a block away from the GA Dome and you’d find plenty of “sponsors.”

by rob on Jul 27, 2006 11:43 AM EDT reply actions

I can’t beat the Moondogs Bowl, but here’s some ideas.

“The ATL Every Day Is An Opening Day Bowl Brought to You by Zoo Atlanta, the Georgia Aquarium, the World of Coke, the Fabulous Fox Theater, and MARTA” That’s the full title of the bowl, by the way. (http://www.atlopen.com if you don’t get it)

The Delta Airlines “You Know Your Flight Will Have a Layover at Hartsfield Anyways” Bowl

Or in a big F-U to Chick-Fil-A for dropping the Peach name,
The McDonald’s Southern Style Chicken Peach Bowl

by Jeff on Jul 27, 2006 11:56 AM EDT reply actions

The Ted Turner Bowl.
Slogan: “Eat more Buffalo.”

by GamecockTony on Jul 27, 2006 12:37 PM EDT reply actions

The Magic City Wednesday Night Shoe Modeling Bowl Presented by Hennessey Cognac.

As the Ryan Stewart commercial says, “Play on, Playa.”

by LD on Jul 27, 2006 2:03 PM EDT reply actions

If I sponsored a bowl, it would be the bottom feeder bowl, pitting two 0-12 teams.

by Brian on Jul 27, 2006 2:38 PM EDT reply actions

The Jane Fonda Bowl sponsored by the Vietnam Tourism Board.

Btw, true story about The Gold Club. In my dot-com days, I turned in a receipt for $700 from ‘The G&C Grill.’ Claimed it was a client dinner. Of course, a close inspection of the receipt would have revealed our dinner taking place at 1:30am, but our financial dept wasn’t too concerned as we were on our way through blowing through our initial twenty million.

Helps to know your customers.

by dogtown gator on Jul 27, 2006 4:28 PM EDT reply actions

Definitely should be the “Claremont Lounge Bowl”. The halftime show alone would be horrifyingly hilarious. Their semi-famous big black stripper could hand out titty-crushed beer cans and copies of her comic book to the kiddies as souveniers. Would be Classic.

by WolverineinWA on Jul 27, 2006 9:34 PM EDT reply actions

Damn! That Boss Hogg is one sexy mo’ fo’. I’d walk from B’ham to Atl if he was the sponsor.

by dragonash on Jul 27, 2006 9:57 PM EDT reply actions

Ah yes, the Clermont lounge, where strippers go to die, and the only place I ever gave a woman a dollar so she would put her clothes back on. Seriously though, if you haven’t been to this place, don’t go. I thought it would be: “Ha ha, old strippers and cheap booze, this is gonna be SAWEET.” It was not, my friends, not at all. If you do end up there somehow, dont touch anyone or any thing, or I swear you’ll probably get herpes.

by Brian on Jul 27, 2006 11:20 PM EDT reply actions

As a more serious comment, however, I propose the second bowl could be, fittingly, the “Krystals Bowl.” The tie ins are endless. From “Sackfull sack of the game” to “Breakfast Scramblers QB scramble of the game” to the commentator saying something like “3rd and inches, Southern Miss stacks the line, and speaking of which, don’t forget to pickup some double stack Krystals on your way home from the game!” The most outstanding Freshman player of the game would obviously be “Krystal Pup of the game” and the MVP would no doubt be the “BA Burger MVP”

…Just throwin it out there.

by Brian on Jul 27, 2006 11:29 PM EDT reply actions