NITTANY LINE GIVES US JOEPA, BRAIN BREAD LOVER
JoePa, erstwhile zombie and coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions, thinks that Atkins Diet is just a buncha crap. It’s brains you want–and failing that, a little Milano bread will do. Somewhere there’s a television ad featuring Joe shilling for Milano bread, and that we haven’t found it yet is one of life’s little cruelties. In the meantime, Nittany Line’s got photographic evidence that JoePa did indeed at one point stand in a studio, hold a loaf of bread, and ask “What the hell you want me to do now, eh?”
The caption is breathless prose:
“Mama always told us…The greatest Italian names end in ‘O’!”
That’s right. Fuck you and your pussy-ass bomb, Enrico Fermi!
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paulwesterdawg says:
Joe Pa: How do you make this “bread” stuff?
Milano Exec: We use an oven.
Joe Pa: What sort of new contraption is an oven? I swear, these kids with their loud cars and new fangled ovens and internet porn. I don’t trust any of ‘em. I need a nap.
July 24th, 2006 at 11:38 am
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Nick says:
Hey, don’t badmouth the man that still holds the single season interception record at Brown
July 24th, 2006 at 11:47 am
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PeteJayhawk says:
And their Dan Fogelberg and Atari videogames…
July 24th, 2006 at 11:56 am
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irishoutsider says:
This was a natural fit for JoePa. He was the original spokesman for bread.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
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SCarGamecocksSuck says:
Sliced bread….the greatest invention since JoePa
July 24th, 2006 at 12:07 pm
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Geaux Irish says:
JoePa invented the wheel too.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:16 pm
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GamecockTony says:
Please tell me that they weren’t trying to imply ‘Wholesome’ instead of ‘Holsum”.
That has to be a brand name or something, right?
July 24th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
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socalirish says:
You are correct, Tony. Holsum is a brand. Being from Chicago originally, Holsum bread was the bread of choice when growing up on the South Side, even bigger than Wonder…
July 24th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
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PSUMike says:
Yep. That’s the add. There was a time you couldn’t drive five miles in PA without seeing Paterno on a billboard. He also did a bunch of adds for Conestoga Wireless.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
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Orson Swindle says:
That’s a pre-existing contract from his work for Conestoga Wagons back in the 1850s. You have just died of dysentery.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
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parker91 says:
Are you sure that Joe, and not a cardboard cutout of him?
July 24th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
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Hokie Andrew says:
In addition Chuck Norris has made it to Oregon before you.
July 24th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
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PSUMike says:
Orson you crack me up!
July 24th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
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GamecockTony says:
SoCalIrish,
What part of the South Side are you from?
The only bread I remember from my early days in Lansing, IL was Gonnella.
July 24th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
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Alex says:
BRAINS!!!!! BRAINS!!!!!!!!!
July 24th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
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Maize n Brew Dave says:
I understand cancer did not kill Fermi. In fact JoePa devoured his delicious brain, along with Bob Oppenheimer’s. Feeding on their knowledge he now controls the WMD programs for twenty six rouge nations from his secret compound in Happy Valley. The logic, more brains for consumption if everyone is too weak from radiation poisoning to fight back.
BTW, splitting the atom is nothing, turning Curtis Enis into a first round draft pick is mankind’s greatest achievement.
Who can forget Enis’ braces and bibles for hookers campaign?
July 24th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
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andrew says:
At least tOSU can rest assured that, with JoePa still roaming the countryside, they will never have to worry about the undead coach prying open their players’ skulls.
July 24th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
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Fesser says:
“Fuck you and your pussy-ass bomb, Enrico Fermi!”
Fun fact:
They built that bomb under the stands at Stagg Field, where the University of Chicago played football before they pulled the plug on the program in the 30s. As a relic of the football program, Chicago had the world’s largest drum, which they sold to U. Texas, not bothering to mention that it was radioactive.
July 24th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
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Nick says:
Rouge nations? Sounds a little gay. Don’t let Rene Portland know thats going on in Happy Valley
July 24th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
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socalirish says:
Tony -
City proper, just inside 55 and Harlem. Holsum had a place in Glen Ellyn and I think one over on the deep South Side past Western around 63rd…
July 24th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
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peachy says:
But the best part is that when the football program was canned (we play D-III now), the football stadium was torn down and replaced by a truly enormous library. (We’re geeks, hooray!) And around the corner, there’s also a surreal sculpture marking the spot of the first self-sustained reaction… Fortunately, I was born at Shands, so I can cheer for a real football team AND revel in the hardcore geekiness of the nuclear library.
July 24th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
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psu17osu10 says:
JoePa: a better coach as a zombie than Jim Tressel is as a mannequin
July 25th, 2006 at 10:12 am