FULMER CUP UPDATE: IS HARVARD GONNA HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?

by Orson on Jul 10, 2006 7:06 AM EDT

Hahhvaad, which we're told is a small private college in Boston, enters the Fulmer Cup Sweepstakes this past weekend. (See the updated board, sans Harvard points, here.) The team captain, senior linebacker Matthew C. Thomas, faces charges of assault and battery domestic abuse and breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony at a campus dorm, all stemming from mixing alcohol with ex-girlfriend.(HT: Bill) See:

The alleged victim told police she went to her room despite receiving a call warning her to stay away because Thomas was there. Police said she discovered Thomas passed out on the floor.

``She woke him to confront him about a relationship that he was involved in with another woman," the report said. ``She stated she poked him and yelling ensued between the two. He then jumped up and began to strike her about the body."

Don't poke Harvard! Because they will allegedly choke you, lift you off the ground, and knee you in the stomach, which is what the young woman in question says Thomas did to her. Thomas has been indefinitely suspended from the team, which we're sure will prompt Dan Shaughnessy's one and only column of the year on Harvard football where he announces the end of modern civilization as evidenced by the incident which he saw coming a long, long time before anyone else did. And though we're sure they're used to getting As--you don't pay that much to get Cs unless your last name is Kennedy--they will pick up a mere blip of 2 points for assault/drankin'/girlfriend stuff.

Harvard alum Franklin Sherman is so appalled he's singing.

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Dollars to donuts this kid has a lawyer in the fam who will plead him down to 100 hours of community service and a written apology.

by PSUrob on Jul 10, 2006 7:12 AM EDT reply actions

I think Fresno State will blow all of em outta the water here shortly.

by Coolhand Mike on Jul 10, 2006 8:26 AM EDT reply actions

Jumped the gun, that’s Fresno City In San Fran. Major points regardless.

by Coolhand Mike on Jul 10, 2006 8:32 AM EDT reply actions

Georgia is #7 and falling. That’s quite an improvement over last year. But don’t worry, there’s DMV opportunities akimbo for the next 7 weekends.

pwd

by paulwesterdawg on Jul 10, 2006 9:44 AM EDT reply actions

“I know the name of a man that could help you…a man they call ”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Critic#Franklin_Sherman">El Kabong…"

Wouldn’t the scoring be 3 non-negotiable points for hitting the girl?

by irishoutsider on Jul 10, 2006 9:56 AM EDT reply actions

Does France get Fulmer Cup points for Zidane’s headbutt?

by Devin McCullen on Jul 10, 2006 9:57 AM EDT reply actions

Penguins can’t fly . . . PENGUINS CAN’T FLY!

by Jacketdan on Jul 10, 2006 9:58 AM EDT reply actions

No FC points yet for Avery Atkins? Hmmmmmmm.

It’s killing me to see that the only thing my dawgs are beating Florida in is FC points. If it breaks against him are you looking at 4 additional points for the Gators?

by ohiodawg on Jul 10, 2006 10:29 AM EDT reply actions

Holy crap, Orson… The Critic. Nice.

by JRy on Jul 10, 2006 11:08 AM EDT reply actions

Wouldnt the scoring be 3 non-negotiable points for hitting the girl?

He didn’t hit her with the white part of the glove. No points given. Who knew the Fulmer Cup went by Olympic rules?

“Rosebud frozen peas. Full of fresh country goodness and green pea-ness.”

by tony on Jul 10, 2006 12:22 PM EDT reply actions

Wasn’t Matthew C. Thamas in a horrible movie that wasn’t off “color” towards African Americans, Native Americans or Latino’s? I think it was in the middle of the 80’s. Didn’t he get a minority scholly and bang Rae Dong Chog? James Earl Jones was in it wasn’t he? Oh, that was C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man.

by brain on Jul 10, 2006 1:14 PM EDT reply actions

Soul Man

by Cool Hand Mike on Jul 10, 2006 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

Harvard Needs More Fulmer Cup Points!!! Dept.:

Besides Matt Thomas, here are other recent Harvard Clowns involved in Fulmereties:

- Danny P. Lane ‘07 and James R. Velissaris ’07 were suspended for the Holy Cross game on Sept. 16 after their involvement in an Apr. 29 altercation with a shuttle driver in front of Currier House after the team’s annual spring barbeque. (The shuttle driver was fired due to his role in instigating the event.)

- Offensive lineman Thomas Rodger ’08 was also arrested in the spring after being accused of stealing gloves from an ambulance, but the charges were eventually dropped.

- Russ Schober ’08 was suspended before the 2005 season after being arrested for public intoxication, eventually missing eight games, along with…

- Desmond Bryant ’08 who suffered the same punishment for an unidentified offense.

Monsieurs Stranko and Orson, I say give Harvard and even 10 Fullmer Cup points, even though we all know that Ivy League football is more comparable with Pop Warner than the kind of NCAA football seen regularly on TV.

In the spirit of the recent plagiarism scandals at Harvard, which include such noted cheaters as Kaavya Viswanathan, Alan Dershowitz, Lawrence Tribe, Doris Kearns and Charles Ogletree…good ol’SKLM lifted his material for this post from the following source:

http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=513872

by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on Jul 10, 2006 6:08 PM EDT reply actions

KABONG!

by El Kabong on Jul 10, 2006 7:11 PM EDT reply actions

I tacked on 2 more points for the 2 other drunken Harvard players. Nice showing from Harvard so far.

Still waiting to hear something on Atkins, Daytona Beach Police Dept taking it’s time…otherwise the board is updated

by BIGMIKE on Jul 10, 2006 7:22 PM EDT reply actions

Do teams get points for coaches getting DUIs? If so, you’re missing Syracuse. C’mon! Give us a point! It’s the only way we’ll ever be on the “Also Receiving Votes” list.

by zibby on Jul 10, 2006 9:54 PM EDT reply actions