LOU HOLTZ BIOGRAPHY COMING OUT. YAY.

Out-fucking-standing.

Although the Fight Club bit seems a little mor Brett Easton Ellis than Chuck Palahniuk.

Yeah, I still remember the 1992 Sugar Bowl too. Good times.

As an ND fan let me put it this way – much as you love Spurrier, but understand how the rest of the world might regard him as a walking penis, I love Holtz, but understand how the rest of the world might regard him the way you guys do.

I hope there’s a section dedicated to his rambling, pointless, yet unintelligible (so you’re not really missing anything) segments on ESPN.

There are times when I wonder if the GameDay studio lineup is just a joke foist upon us by the power brokers at ESPN… between Lou’s mumbling and Mark May making an ass out of himself, there’s no content there.

Or maybe there’s a pool going to see when Rece Davis kills himself on camera. Yeah, that’s gotta be it.

Well he’s not wearing a loin cloth, but it’s pretty close. You might want to cover your keyboard to protect it from the inevitable vomit. Third picture down.

Coaches Gone Wild

I can not wait to go see ol’ Lou and get my signed copy.
He is coming to Raleigh as part of his book tour on September 6th.

I have to echo ProfKid’s sentiments. Because of what Holtz did for ND and the Gamecocks, I can’t help but love the guy. Did he maybe turn a Sammy Davis-like eye towards some things at SC? Perhaps. But it’s the FREAKING SEC – the conference logo should be crossed fingers behind a back.

I am open to suggestions as to what I should request Lou sign in my copy. I was thinking of asking for “If I had known about Davie and Ty, I never would have left.”

I’m sure there will be a section buried around page 200 about how Michael Stonebreaker’s name made his just a little aroused.

Even Lou wouldn’t fight Stonebreaker, though. He wouldn’t want to blemish the name.

you forgot about the part when he wrote a fight song when he coached the J maybe he’ll do the same for the WWL.

During a press conference about the book, Lou will talk about how overrated the book is, and about how George Chaump’s autobiography is much better than his.

Guys — Pinkins’ first name is “Dondrial,” not “Dondrell.” And Syvelle Newton was the GCK that beat up the student body president, so he and Holtz prolly scrapped a time or two.

Forgive us, NH. Corrected.

My God…this is the best article I’ve read on here in a long time. (Not downplaying the other articles; this one just stands above the rest.)

Quick question: So do you actually have to lisp-spit all over the book as you read it, or is that just recommended by the publisher for the Full Holtz Effect**?

**…which also includes:
- a “It Ain’t Cheatin’ If’n You Don’t Get Caught” t-shirt
- the book “Laying Down for Your Opponents: 100+ Years of Total Ineptitude” as written by Gamecock Football (with contributions from Eric Hyman, Andrew Sorensen, and Lenny the Bouncer from Pavlov’s)
- a trail of crumbled programs riddled with NCAA violations

Could you imagine the book-on-tape version as read by Holtz himself?

By the way Suck,
I think Lenny has moved up the chain and now works the door at Group Therapy. Good guy that Lenny.

Hilarious

Orson,

Please never link to Wally Hall ever again. Wally started hiring 10000 monkeys at 10000 typewriters a few times a week years ago…

Sincerely,
99.7% of Arkansas fans
(all forty six of us)

Good to hear about Lenny. That kid’s gotta lotta heart.

Actually orson,

I"m pretty sure that when Lou was writing Blue Lagoon he saw himself playing the Brooke Shields character.

He still has a big ass chip on his shoulder for not being allowed to pass Rockne for wins @ ND. and being only coach at said school to lose to Bama. So the hell with ya, slurring prick. Roll Tide.

Gamecock Tony, I’m absolutely going to have to steal that quote from you to have Lou sign my copy!

Can’t wait for him to sign my book
“Biggest cheater in sports”
Lou Holtz

Um, great freaking hilarious! Ah little nitpicking though, Dondrell appears again in the same paragraph 3rd line from the bottom, of course I would’ve believed that was how you spelt it

that msu coach looks like he just got raped in the ass

Baker Act: if they try to throw me into an asylum, I just shoot them (thank god for Jeb and the new Florida gun law). Even if I do get charged, I plead insanity and get sent to the asylum, which is where they would’ve sent me anyway. I can’t lose!

C,mon Lou. For me, one more time, say “Suffering Succatash”.

Final post on this subject. I swear, Mark May will strangle the shit outta that man before October 1.

From Blue Gray Sky: "While most remember the on-field juggernaut Lou Holtz built at Notre Dame, many seem to have forgotten that only a handful of programs matched the academic performance of Holtz’s Irish squads. Given that performance, the following quote from the promotional materials for Holtz’s upcoming book is unexceptionable:

A standout is Holtz’s long-term position at Notre Dame, of special importance not just because of his devout Catholicism but also his refreshing devotion to strict academic standards for the players. In fact, what stands out is his modesty and adamant belief that football is ultimately less important than education.
Thus I was surprised to see the following reaction from the normally astute guys at EDSBS:

Stop laughing. Really, stop laughing. Your boss is getting suspicious.
I can’t speak to the academic performance of Holtz’s players at other universities, but the empirical data regarding his charges at Notre Dame speaks for itself. Since 1981, the CFA and AFCA have presented their Academic Achievement Award to the I-A institution with the highest graduation rate among members of its football team. In Holtz’s eleven years at Notre Dame, the Irish won the award twice (1988 and 1991) and received honorable mention recognition every other year. Since the award is given out in the spring, the award years corresponding to Holtz’s tenure at Notre Dame are 1987-1997. During this period, the only other schools to receive recognition each year are Duke, Vanderbilt, and Virginia. Yet the snark regarding the above excerpt has not emanated from Charlottesville, Nashville, or Durham. In case you were wondering, neither Florida nor Michigan has ever won the award. Florida has garnered honorable mention recognition three times (1992, 1998, 2002), and Michigan has been recognized twice (2001, 2003)." Stats speak for themselves, EDSBS. Perhaps you should reconsider your position

Ahhh, nevah. The fact that Lou only did this at a relatively small private school is better testimony to ND’s academic support system than Lou’s acumen as an “academic motivator.” We think he’s crooked. They don’t. Simple as that.

If you think he is so crooked, let me point out that the coach that you soooo admire (and gracing your banner) is best of friends with this evil man who took it to your Florida Gators. Why would Spurrier choose to hang out with such a crooked, wrongful person? Dare I say that they are birds of the same feather? Sweet Irony.

Hey I remember the ’92 Sugar Bowl too

This about Lou: he won the Academic award twice at ND – Florida has NEVER won it

And this about Stevie S.: just played the Ocean Course at Kiawah last week. Asked my caddy about his best loop. While chewing on that one, he easily came up with the worst one he’s ever heard of. His buddy caddied for Stevie a few years back. Being a huge Gator fan, he asked Steve to sign a football he brought along. Steve signed it, then told him “Your tip is on that football.”

Class. Enjoy him Gamecocks, when he’s not ripping your team every other week.

You know, in this day and age, it’s so nice to see young men defending the honor of a little old lady.

I love you.

What would you say is nicer: defending a little old lady, or having a little old lady spank your team in the cheerios bowl?

The spanking. We’re naughty like that.

Orson,
I would be happy to p/u a copy for you at the Raleigh signing.
How would you like it signed?

Seriously? I’d like this:

To Anita Spitschield,

Never stop winning!

-Lou

If you got that to happen…wow. We’ll ruminate on that.

Only true geniuses can cheat and still have shit for talent. That’s the Lou Holtz way.

maybe he’ll sign my book with his saliva when he talks………….SUFFERING SUCCATASH!!!!

Been on vaca. Am delightfully tan. And am currently playing EDSBS catch-up.

Shut the fuck up… I didn’t know Holtz was from WV.
I feel dirty and confused in a “how could someone come from WV, become an false idol for ND, and still life w/ themselves???” sort of way.

Arkansas Fans in the know:
Lou, in his book, said he was fired at Arkansas and was never told by F. Broyles why. What say you in the know? Did it have to do with the way Holtz handled the suspension of players prior to the Oklahoma orange bowl Arkansas victory?
Bob F