Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin has been accused in a lawsuit of… and we’re not making this up…. being drunk and masturbating when he crashed into a parked car on March 30. Just drunk and masturbating, you say, doesn’t fully explain crashing into a parked car. Well, perhaps he was distracted by the porn eyewitnesses said he was watching at the time.
HT: Gatorsports
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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1
I’m guessing it wasn’t his kids who left “Debbie Does Dallas” in the on-board DVD player! Priceless
Comment by ohiodawg — June 30, 2006 @ 2:35 pm
2
He’s usually only caught holding his junk when he’s playing defense. Does anyone know if he was on his way to the library?
Comment by Nile Kinnick — June 30, 2006 @ 2:43 pm
3
This is my absolute favorite story of the year.
Seriously, Ed. Couldn’t wait to get home to release the hounds?
Look, most of us have had a ‘craving’ for porn at some point. But most of us understand it just isn’t appropriate at times - family dinners, bah mitzvahs, while cruising in the SUV, etc….
Unfortunately, when Mrs. Gamecock hears this story, she is never going to let me take her car anywhere now that we got the DVD player hooked up for Gamecock Junior.
Comment by GamecockTony — June 30, 2006 @ 2:45 pm
4
What? This hasn’t happened to you guys?
Comment by Odell 51 — June 30, 2006 @ 2:55 pm
5
**Bad joke alert**
So, was he driving a stick-shift?
Comment by bubba — June 30, 2006 @ 2:55 pm
6
multitasking at its finest, he’s a model for efficency
Comment by BIGMIKE — June 30, 2006 @ 2:56 pm
7
Wow, and all this time I’d been thinking Griffin went to Seton Hall — who knew he was actually a Buckeye?
Comment by Doug — June 30, 2006 @ 3:22 pm
8
The cops could have seen this carjacking cumming from a mile away.
Comment by Joe — June 30, 2006 @ 4:23 pm
9
Why, oh why, couldn’t this guy have been a football player?
I can’t even imagine what the Fulmer Cup scoring would’ve been on this one had he been one, though it’s tainted by the fact that the police seem to have *cough* covered things up.
Comment by Pat — June 30, 2006 @ 4:50 pm
10
greatest fucking news story ever. i mean ever. it’s got everything. porn. driving. crashes. drinking. jacking off. I seriously have no idea how anyone can not make this guys jersey a best seller next yr. Fucking Awesome.
Comment by Theri Maa Bhanchod! — June 30, 2006 @ 4:57 pm
11
you misspelled masturbating….
Comment by THE OHIO STATE FAN — June 30, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
12
Heavy golfclap. Well played Joe.
Comment by Meethinks — June 30, 2006 @ 5:52 pm
13
Doesn’t this happen daily in Gainesville with Gator fans watching recruiting videos of Tim Tebow?
Comment by Mike — June 30, 2006 @ 6:41 pm
14
Tony — you admit setting the DVD player up in the car for “Gamecock Junior?” I mean really, at least make it difficult rather than lobbing the softball up to the plate, why doncha…
Comment by Mark — June 30, 2006 @ 7:11 pm
15
Wow…this is whack.
Comment by Jim — June 30, 2006 @ 8:47 pm
16
I wonder if he managed to finish rubbing it out before he got out of the car and surveyed the damage.
Comment by NAR — July 1, 2006 @ 10:09 am
17
If this case ever goes to court, I’m confident that Griffin will get off.
Comment by T. Kyle King — July 2, 2006 @ 12:14 am
18
I wonder if he was wearing his The Ohio State University sweatshirt — attire which is favored amongst newsworthy masturbators.
Although, former U of M defensive lineman Larry Harrison could not be reached for comment.
Comment by J. Lichty — July 5, 2006 @ 2:46 pm