AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING A BAD DAY...
Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin has been accused in a lawsuit of... and we're not making this up.... being drunk and masturbating when he crashed into a parked car on March 30. Just drunk and masturbating, you say, doesn't fully explain crashing into a parked car. Well, perhaps he was distracted by the porn eyewitnesses said he was watching at the time.

HT: Gatorsports
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I’m guessing it wasn’t his kids who left “Debbie Does Dallas” in the on-board DVD player! Priceless
by ohiodawg on Jun 30, 2006 2:35 PM EDT reply actions
He’s usually only caught holding his junk when he’s playing defense. Does anyone know if he was on his way to the library?
by Nile Kinnick on Jun 30, 2006 2:43 PM EDT reply actions
This is my absolute favorite story of the year.
Seriously, Ed. Couldn’t wait to get home to release the hounds?
Look, most of us have had a ‘craving’ for porn at some point. But most of us understand it just isn’t appropriate at times – family dinners, bah mitzvahs, while cruising in the SUV, etc….
Unfortunately, when Mrs. Gamecock hears this story, she is never going to let me take her car anywhere now that we got the DVD player hooked up for Gamecock Junior.
by GamecockTony on Jun 30, 2006 2:45 PM EDT reply actions
multitasking at its finest, he’s a model for efficency
by BIGMIKE on Jun 30, 2006 2:56 PM EDT reply actions
Wow, and all this time I’d been thinking Griffin went to Seton Hall — who knew he was actually a Buckeye?
by Doug on Jun 30, 2006 3:22 PM EDT reply actions
The cops could have seen this carjacking cumming from a mile away.
by Joe on Jun 30, 2006 4:23 PM EDT reply actions
Why, oh why, couldn’t this guy have been a football player?
I can’t even imagine what the Fulmer Cup scoring would’ve been on this one had he been one, though it’s tainted by the fact that the police seem to have cough covered things up.
by Pat on Jun 30, 2006 4:50 PM EDT reply actions
greatest fucking news story ever. i mean ever. it’s got everything. porn. driving. crashes. drinking. jacking off. I seriously have no idea how anyone can not make this guys jersey a best seller next yr. Fucking Awesome.
by Theri Maa Bhanchod! on Jun 30, 2006 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
Doesn’t this happen daily in Gainesville with Gator fans watching recruiting videos of Tim Tebow?
by Mike on Jun 30, 2006 6:41 PM EDT reply actions
Tony — you admit setting the DVD player up in the car for “Gamecock Junior?” I mean really, at least make it difficult rather than lobbing the softball up to the plate, why doncha… ;)
by Mark on Jun 30, 2006 7:11 PM EDT reply actions
I wonder if he managed to finish rubbing it out before he got out of the car and surveyed the damage.
by NAR on Jul 1, 2006 10:09 AM EDT reply actions
If this case ever goes to court, I’m confident that Griffin will get off.
by T. Kyle King on Jul 2, 2006 12:14 AM EDT reply actions
I wonder if he was wearing his The Ohio State University sweatshirt — attire which is favored amongst newsworthy masturbators.
Although, former U of M defensive lineman Larry Harrison could not be reached for comment.
by J. Lichty on Jul 5, 2006 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

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