Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin has been accused in a lawsuit of… and we’re not making this up…. being drunk and masturbating when he crashed into a parked car on March 30. Just drunk and masturbating, you say, doesn’t fully explain crashing into a parked car. Well, perhaps he was distracted by the porn eyewitnesses said he was watching at the time.
HT: Gatorsports
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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1
ohiodawg says:
I’m guessing it wasn’t his kids who left “Debbie Does Dallas” in the on-board DVD player! Priceless
June 30th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
2
Nile Kinnick says:
He’s usually only caught holding his junk when he’s playing defense. Does anyone know if he was on his way to the library?
June 30th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
3
GamecockTony says:
This is my absolute favorite story of the year.
Seriously, Ed. Couldn’t wait to get home to release the hounds?
Look, most of us have had a ‘craving’ for porn at some point. But most of us understand it just isn’t appropriate at times – family dinners, bah mitzvahs, while cruising in the SUV, etc….
Unfortunately, when Mrs. Gamecock hears this story, she is never going to let me take her car anywhere now that we got the DVD player hooked up for Gamecock Junior.
June 30th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
4
Odell 51 says:
What? This hasn’t happened to you guys?
June 30th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
5
bubba says:
**Bad joke alert**
So, was he driving a stick-shift?
June 30th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
6
BIGMIKE says:
multitasking at its finest, he’s a model for efficency
June 30th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
7
Doug says:
Wow, and all this time I’d been thinking Griffin went to Seton Hall — who knew he was actually a Buckeye?
June 30th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
8
Joe says:
The cops could have seen this carjacking cumming from a mile away.
June 30th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
9
Pat says:
Why, oh why, couldn’t this guy have been a football player?
I can’t even imagine what the Fulmer Cup scoring would’ve been on this one had he been one, though it’s tainted by the fact that the police seem to have *cough* covered things up.
June 30th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
10
Theri Maa Bhanchod! says:
greatest fucking news story ever. i mean ever. it’s got everything. porn. driving. crashes. drinking. jacking off. I seriously have no idea how anyone can not make this guys jersey a best seller next yr. Fucking Awesome.
June 30th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
11
THE OHIO STATE FAN says:
you misspelled masturbating….
June 30th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
12
Meethinks says:
Heavy golfclap. Well played Joe.
June 30th, 2006 at 5:52 pm
13
Mike says:
Doesn’t this happen daily in Gainesville with Gator fans watching recruiting videos of Tim Tebow?
June 30th, 2006 at 6:41 pm
14
Mark says:
Tony — you admit setting the DVD player up in the car for “Gamecock Junior?” I mean really, at least make it difficult rather than lobbing the softball up to the plate, why doncha…
June 30th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
15
Jim says:
Wow…this is whack.
June 30th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
16
NAR says:
I wonder if he managed to finish rubbing it out before he got out of the car and surveyed the damage.
July 1st, 2006 at 10:09 am
17
T. Kyle King says:
If this case ever goes to court, I’m confident that Griffin will get off.
July 2nd, 2006 at 12:14 am
18
J. Lichty says:
I wonder if he was wearing his The Ohio State University sweatshirt — attire which is favored amongst newsworthy masturbators.
Although, former U of M defensive lineman Larry Harrison could not be reached for comment.
July 5th, 2006 at 2:46 pm