AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING A BAD DAY...

by Stranko on Jun 30, 2006 2:25 PM EDT

Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin has been accused in a lawsuit of... and we're not making this up.... being drunk and masturbating when he crashed into a parked car on March 30. Just drunk and masturbating, you say, doesn't fully explain crashing into a parked car. Well, perhaps he was distracted by the porn eyewitnesses said he was watching at the time.

HT: Gatorsports

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I’m guessing it wasn’t his kids who left “Debbie Does Dallas” in the on-board DVD player! Priceless

by ohiodawg on Jun 30, 2006 2:35 PM EDT reply actions

He’s usually only caught holding his junk when he’s playing defense. Does anyone know if he was on his way to the library?

by Nile Kinnick on Jun 30, 2006 2:43 PM EDT reply actions

This is my absolute favorite story of the year.

Seriously, Ed. Couldn’t wait to get home to release the hounds?

Look, most of us have had a ‘craving’ for porn at some point. But most of us understand it just isn’t appropriate at times – family dinners, bah mitzvahs, while cruising in the SUV, etc….

Unfortunately, when Mrs. Gamecock hears this story, she is never going to let me take her car anywhere now that we got the DVD player hooked up for Gamecock Junior.

by GamecockTony on Jun 30, 2006 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

What? This hasn’t happened to you guys?

by Odell 51 on Jun 30, 2006 2:55 PM EDT reply actions

Bad joke alert

So, was he driving a stick-shift?

by bubba on Jun 30, 2006 2:55 PM EDT reply actions

multitasking at its finest, he’s a model for efficency

by BIGMIKE on Jun 30, 2006 2:56 PM EDT reply actions

Wow, and all this time I’d been thinking Griffin went to Seton Hall — who knew he was actually a Buckeye?

by Doug on Jun 30, 2006 3:22 PM EDT reply actions

The cops could have seen this carjacking cumming from a mile away.

by Joe on Jun 30, 2006 4:23 PM EDT reply actions

Why, oh why, couldn’t this guy have been a football player?

I can’t even imagine what the Fulmer Cup scoring would’ve been on this one had he been one, though it’s tainted by the fact that the police seem to have cough covered things up.

by Pat on Jun 30, 2006 4:50 PM EDT reply actions

greatest fucking news story ever. i mean ever. it’s got everything. porn. driving. crashes. drinking. jacking off. I seriously have no idea how anyone can not make this guys jersey a best seller next yr. Fucking Awesome.

by Theri Maa Bhanchod! on Jun 30, 2006 4:57 PM EDT reply actions

you misspelled masturbating….

by THE OHIO STATE FAN on Jun 30, 2006 5:28 PM EDT reply actions

Heavy golfclap. Well played Joe.

by Meethinks on Jun 30, 2006 5:52 PM EDT reply actions

Doesn’t this happen daily in Gainesville with Gator fans watching recruiting videos of Tim Tebow?

by Mike on Jun 30, 2006 6:41 PM EDT reply actions

Tony — you admit setting the DVD player up in the car for “Gamecock Junior?” I mean really, at least make it difficult rather than lobbing the softball up to the plate, why doncha… ;)

by Mark on Jun 30, 2006 7:11 PM EDT reply actions