However you’re doing it, you’re not doing it right. See, there’s a 33-year old LSU college student. That student gets very, very drunk during the Oregon State game. Old college student then strips off all clothes and runs onto field during game. Old college student then eludes several tackles by security while showing all of Tiger Stadium his andouille. (HT: Warren.)
Total cost: $1,624.75
Total number of people who saw old college student his li’l Huey Long: 80,000–90,000 people.
If that’s not a cost effective dating strategy, nothing is. In terms of labor and time spent emailing and putting just the right song to your picture, it might be cheaper than MySpace, actually. And all you have to risk is a little pepper spray and a dog bite, which if you’re one of our readers has already likely become a regular feature of your dating life.
And the guy? Not your Frank the Tank type. He’s actually a Ph.D student, according to LSU fans, and one who evidently hits the gym more than most.
Crazy. Drunk. And teaching your morning physical anthropology class.
Tell ‘em about it, Joe-Joe: Ed loves his Hummer, and you need a Hummer. Watch this or face certain doom, for it is the Ed Orgeron Hummer Ad:
We dug this out of the archives since several readers had sent it to us last fall, but frankly waiting this long has only made the ad sweeter. A few notes on why this ad has it all:
–The Casio Cletus soundtrack. There’s synthtar. There’s a hillbilly piano roll. There’s snare 1 and the high hat clanking along like the soundtrack to Nintendo’s 1985 classic “WHOREHOUSE CHAMPION OF GAMBLERS”(Japan only.) There’s fifteen dollars of sonic gold rolling through your ears–you’re welcome.
–Coach O. Not only can you stare directly at him without being turned to stone or bursting into flame (note that Joe-Joe does NOT appear in the same frame with him for safety reasons), but you can watch as Coach O turns out to be a pretty solid and enthusiastic pitchman. He’s just impressive to watch, since he even points like he’s about to hit someone. (Why do we suddenly think we need a hummer…) The sped-up shots of the Orgeron driving over bumps (undoubtedly the writhing, nearly dead bodies of his foes) are great, especially at the end when he lets out just a little maniacal laugh as the Hummer effortlessly crushes the skull of an effigy of Sly Croom.
–”Big, tough, aggressive, and it represents everything we want at Ole Miss.” He wants an impressive machine that runs out of gas at the worst times? There’s already a program working on that model, and it’s located in Blacksburg, Virginia.
****P.S. IF YOU KNOW ABOUT ANY OTHER COACHING COMMERCIALS IN ANY VIDEO MEDIUM, PLEASE EMAIL US. Seriously, we’ll drive to your house and get the grotty VHS tape out of your hands to get them. In particular, if anyone out there has an Urban Meyer commercial we’ll beg for them. His line reading is just a degree south of Bob Hope’s at 97. He looks like a hostage reading a confession: “I’m so happy to be working with Simpson Jewelers…and am also an agent of the Mossad.” Oh, and any Tommy Tuberville commercial involving Kroger. We’ve heard legends told about these that need visual verification.
Who better to officially call crap on a rumor than someone who lives on crappy rumor? Answer: a professional. But when you can’t get them, you get us. Brady Quinn’s ineligibility rumor as floated by ProFootballTalk.com is officially crap, since it attempts to connect the NCAA’s provision barring the hiring of agents during amateur competition with Weis’ suggestion that Notre Dame players shop around a little bit before it gets too late in their collegiate career to take a proper, thorough look around for representation. This makes perfect sense since half of college athletes, otherwise carefully trained, fed, and maintained physical properties, saunter into the NFL draft under the flag of their brother/uncle/homeboy/Master P and get screwed by contract provisions later in their career as a result.
Make ‘em say ugh, why the hell did I sign with you?
As great as this rumor would be–ballyhooed college power rising from the ashes gets shocking comeuppance!!!–there’s very little to it. The rule forbids agreements of any kind between players and agents, which means that as long as someone hasn’t caught Brady Quinn’s signature on a piece of paper or video of him saying “I’m signing with Drew Rosenhaus, because I want an insufferable crapbag as my agent,” there’s nothing here. =Emoticon inserted for benefit of USC, Boston College, and Purdue fans.
We say all of this because recently we were told that in order to write about something as fact, there had to be something called e-vi-dence to support your assertion. We’re attempting to work with this substance, though it’s an entirely new thing for us. Does one handle it with tongs? Can it be purchased in bulk? And is it relevant when writing about SEC football? (Judging from experience, we think not.)
Metro as hell, but still eligible to play college football.
Steve Levy, the converted fullback who went from third-string, confused with Sportscenter anchor no-name to bowl game starter, probably got a little fightin’ drunk at a Kells Irish Pub and Restaurant on Saturday night. We say that because sober people don’t often hurl pint glasses at bouncers’ heads as Levy did early Sunday morning. As funny-ha-ha as that sounds, it looks a little different when you consider the nasty charge it earned Levy: suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm, which could earn him anything from a fine to jail time.
The bouncer suffered a cut to his forehead but was treated and is fine. Cal earns two Fulmer Cup points for a potential felony assault charge. Though Levy is 22 and perfectly within his rights to go out and have a beer legally, Tedford may want to consider allowing only Joe Ayoob to go out, since there’s no way Ayoob would have been as accurate as Levy when throwing something. There’s no telling where that glass would have ended up.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
Lake The Posts Northwestern football, which is purple and smarter than you and no thank you would NOT like a ten win season at the cost of academic integrity, thank you very much.
Maize ‘n Brew And still yet another strong, funny, and literate Michigan blogger. Embarrassment of riches over there, really.
MGoBlog The horribly, admirably partisan Kodiak Bear of UM Blogs
=Emoticon inserted for benefit of USC, Boston College, and Purdue fans. 
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