NCAA TO SLOW DOWN TEXTING. URBAN TYPES "NFW OMG SUXXX!
by Orson on Jun 20, 2006 10:46 AM EDT
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PrintThe NCAA's Academics/Eligibility/Compliance Cabinet (doesn't the name just suggest "eh, cluttered kitchen drawer full of crap we don't care about"?) has recommended limiting text message contact between coaches and recruits. (Maybe they should just throw a few more things on there, like Academics/Eligibility/Compliance/Office Holiday Party Committee/Sensitivity Training/International Outreach/Guy Who Knows How to Make ITunes Work On Your Office PC Through Firewalls Cabinet.)
Should the NCAA follow through and enact the legislation into something kind of like a law, a new spectator sport will be watching Urban Meyer twitch at the Starbucks at 3:59 while waiting for his grande holding his Blackberry like the steering wheel of a F1 car, thumbs vibrating and poised above the keys waiting for 4 p.m. to roll around.
Alternatives to text messaging are already being sought. We propose:
1. Graffiti. Cheap, inexpensive, and could lead to the sight of master recruiters like Trooper Taylor and Eric Bienemy covering each others tags and then settling disputes in tightly-orchestrated dance-fights.
Imagine Doc Holliday in the Whodini hat. Yeah, we're totally on board with this.
2. Carrier Pigeon. Another cheap alternative, though may be ineffective in West Virginia, Tennessee, and other big hunting states. Problems may arise as result of 23mm anti-aircraft guns being purchased and deployed to kill incoming pigeons carrying rival schools' recruiting materials.
3. "The Truman Show" strategy. Schools put entire towns on the payroll to subtly convince recruit that his destiny is to sign with [INSERT SCHOOL HERE.] Would be tipped off by wistful, obviously scripted speech by high school janitor where he divulges that he, too, was once a promising young VHT...before he committed to [OPPOSITE SCHOOL OF DUBIOUS VIRTUE AND INTEGRITY], where armed thugs broke his knees and cut his scholarship, leaving him in the desert without food or water to die. The weepy strings playing in the back would be a dead giveaway, too.
It worked with Tebow--never saw the cameras.
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If the graffiti is used look for Turbo to be the new recruiting coordinator at USC. Carrol love’s Hollywood.
“Dim dow down numb numb numb . Dim dow down numb numb.”
This is when Turbo starts break dancing on the ceiling. Recruits will wake up in their beds with a “Go to USC” tag staring them in the face.
by Odell 51 on Jun 20, 2006 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
Why not just say what is legal contact methods and leave it at that. Any other contact would then be a violation. My guess is since texting can’t be done recruits will be sent numeric messages that can only be decoded with a special de-coder. That they have to send in for and wait 6 weeks for. Unfortunatly the only secret message to be found will be asking 17 year olds to keep drink their ovaltine.
by Nile Kinnick on Jun 20, 2006 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
This may be a stupid question but how the hell would limited text messaging be enforced?
by BamaHamr on Jun 20, 2006 12:27 PM EDT reply actions
That’s irrelevant, BamaHamr. What matters is that they pass a regulation, issue a press release, and let the world know they care. And don’t fund enforcement, either.
by Orson Swindle on Jun 20, 2006 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
Orson,
Next time the missus gets pissed at me for killing a fifth of Evan Williams during a SC/UF game, that is exactly what I am doing. Creating a new “house rule” and issuing her a press release.
You know, just to show that I care. Genius!
You may have found your true calling in life – marriage counselor.
by GamecockTony on Jun 20, 2006 12:40 PM EDT reply actions
Can we get on with calling this the “Shula Rule” since he spent a whole day with Tebow only to be jilted.
I bet Urban was Texting Tebow all day with stuff like “B4m3r Suxx0rz” and “M1k3Y 41n7 d0n”
by NewAZTiger on Jun 20, 2006 12:45 PM EDT reply actions
Isn’t the Truman Show strategy already in widespread use across much of Ohio?
by irishoutsider on Jun 20, 2006 1:25 PM EDT reply actions
Yes it is, Irishoutsider. For years Tressel’s paid the entire state [mmmmphhh! arggh gaaa sounds of struggle…]
No. Not at all, reader.
by Orson Swindle on Jun 20, 2006 1:28 PM EDT reply actions
by dogtown gator on Jun 20, 2006 1:56 PM EDT reply actions
Dogtown Gator-
I am at the office late and pumping the volume loud!!! Thank you!!!! I am Turbo in the office. I think I am going to do a back spin on my VP’s desk!!!
You have made my day!!!!
by Odell 51 on Jun 20, 2006 6:04 PM EDT reply actions
Dogtown—
That rules like Cameo. Thanks.
-O.
by Orson Swindle on Jun 20, 2006 6:05 PM EDT reply actions
This is now officially the best blog in the universe!!!!
by Odell 51 on Jun 20, 2006 6:06 PM EDT reply actions
It’s a joy for joy trade, Orson. You help keep me sane in the office, and occasionally, vice-versa.
I’ve gone all music bloggy, too.
Just hit the link for musical goodness. Full mix cd about 3 posts in.
by dogtown gator on Jun 20, 2006 6:23 PM EDT reply actions
Great, now Bob Ley will be insufferable for the next two weeks while he and ESPN take credit for limiting this latest Shocking Abuse™.
by Chris Lawrence on Jun 20, 2006 9:01 PM EDT reply actions
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