FULMER CUP, AW GEE MISTER IOWA EDITION

by Orson on Jun 19, 2006 8:05 AM EDT

Anyone ever driven through Iowa? Sober? Are there roadside dacquiri stands offering two for one specials? How you get a 277 pound guy so drunk that he actually gets...drunk, we'll never know, since there's been some disastrous nights here when attempting to even keep half the pace of a former football player.

(These would be hangovers of the "biblical smiting" variety, where you wake up convinced that rather than overimbibing, you actually angered an Old Testament God by breaking some taboo of the tribes of Israel. If you got drunk and lucky enough, this may have actually happened. Oryou could have gotten a bacon cheeseburger at the Wendy's drive-through. Either way, biblical smiting hangovers and nights out with ex-football players=pain, pain.)

Austin Postler , sophomore offensive lineman for the Hawkeyes, earns the attention of blotter watchers for his formidable commitment to getting drunk and still maintaining his independence by driving despite being very, very drunk in Iowa City. One point for Iowa in the Fulmer Cup, a race that could change drastically before its conclusion in August. (Come on, Tennessee! We believe!)

See the full Fulmer Cup scoreboard here, where Mike's kept the scores fresh and up-to-date, with USC falling completely off the charts with the dismissal of Mark Sanchez's sexual assault charges.

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This was a protest against the ncaa after the drew tate golfing fiasco, the alcohol binge is the new hunger strike.

by Nick on Jun 19, 2006 8:27 AM EDT reply actions

I really hope this thing heats up soon. The capitalist in me doesn’t like to see so much parity in the rankings.

Oh yes, and driving through Iowa will drive one to drink. Unfortunately, however, there are no roadside daiquiri stands to speak of (at least along I-35/I-80 on the Kansas City-to-Chicago corridor). One only encounters truck stops and moribund towns that time forgot. And Des Moines, which appears to be a combination of the two.

by PeteJayhawk on Jun 19, 2006 8:48 AM EDT reply actions

Unfortunately it looks like Marshall can now take the lead, SO WR Ridge Corbin (disorderly conduct) was arrested in Huntington over the weekend along with alum Dionte Wilson (public intoxication, disorderly conduct and obstructing a police officer.)
http://www.hdonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060619/SPORTS0301/606190337

by k00laid4tehHerd on Jun 19, 2006 9:06 AM EDT reply actions

Santonion Holmes in (more) legal trouble: http://www.postgazette.com/pg/06170/699466-100.stm

Seeing as he doesnt graduate until sometime in the first week of July, does this (and his South Beach incident) warrant Fulmer Cup Points?

The buckstache strikes again…

by Cock D on Jun 19, 2006 9:27 AM EDT reply actions

Nice job by Marshall. And Iowa breaks out of that clusterfuck on four pointers. I’ll update it later when I get home from work.

by BIGMIKE on Jun 19, 2006 9:30 AM EDT reply actions

I think that’s just a 1-pointer for Marshall, as the current player (Corbin) was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge. Maybe a 2-pointer as it seems like group fighting to me.

Wilson was arrested on the trifecta, but Wilson’s an alum.

by Pat on Jun 19, 2006 10:06 AM EDT reply actions

Seeing as he doesnt graduate until sometime in the first week of July, does this (and his South Beach incident) warrant Fulmer Cup Points?

First week of June. Graduation’s well and over here. He’s not an OSU student anymore (probably why he got arrested).

by Pat on Jun 19, 2006 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, I believe you are referring to what Kingsley Amis described as a “metaphysical hangover”:

When that ineffable compound of depression, sadness (these two are not the same), anxiety, self-hatred, sense of failure and fear for the future begins to steal over you, start telling yourself that what you have is a hangover. You are not sickening for anything, you have not suffered a minor brain lesion, you are not all that bad at your job, your family and friends are not leagued in a conspiracy of barely maintained silence about what a shit you are, you have not come at last to see life as it really is.

by Phil K. on Jun 19, 2006 10:12 AM EDT reply actions

Exceptional excerpting there, Phil. Kingsley’s a fave.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2006 10:24 AM EDT reply actions

I am not so sure about this one. The kid isn’t even on scholorship, and has never seen a down of football. Maybe only a half point?

by Nile Kinnick on Jun 19, 2006 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

On the team. Point. Don’t fret, though—there’s no way Iowa’s winning things with Marshall around.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2006 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

I hear from the local constabulary that the Florida Gators might be making an appearance in the Fulmer Cup thanks to a certain starting Cornerback who lives locally here in Daytona Beach.

by Blake on Jun 19, 2006 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

You would likely be referring to Avery Atkins. And there’s nothing yet in the way of substance, and having been burnededed by getting wayyyyy too gossipy lately, we’ll back off that for the moment.

But yeah, we’ve heard that.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2006 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

So where would one, if curious to know the latest conjecture/rumor/half-truth, go to find out what Avery ~~did~~ ~~was in the vicinity of~~ oh screw it, you know what I am trying to ask.

by Jonathan on Jun 19, 2006 1:48 PM EDT reply actions