TEN THINGS WE'D LIKE TO HEAR BRENT MUSBERGER SAY

by Orson on Jun 1, 2006 11:27 AM EDT

Following up on a conversation we had with Stranko last night--soon to be encased in the upcoming podcast, should the hamsters powering the MP3 encoder ever finish their work--we present the ten things we'd like to hear Brent Musberger say.

Ten Things We'd Like To Hear Brent Musberger Say.

10. "You're looking live...at my fat white ass! (shaking exposed buttocks) Jiggledy jiggledy doo, America!"

9. Gary Danielson: That's just the kind of linebacker he is, Brent. Hits 'em hard, and likes to hit'em from all sides, but especially from behind.

Brent: "My kind of man, Gary. My kind of man."

8. "He's hit, and he's on his back like Phyllis George!!!"

7. "There's that man again. The one with the sweet, sweet cheeks."

6. "And if he's not gone for a touchdown, I'm buying a round of Hamm's Ice for the house tonight."

Brent, we toast you. Now say these things on air and we'll love you forever.

5. "Down to my buddy JACKARROOOOOO!!! Who is totally homosexual, everyone."

4. "Bukkake!"

3. "And back to the studio to talk to our old buddy, Terry Bowden. Terry...Are we off? Great. Help me unhook this bro...jesus, good to let the old bags breathe. That mike's not off, is it? (Plunges over rail to death.)

2. "I haven't seen a display of scoring like this since Irv Cross and I went through a stable of hookers before a preseason game in Miami in '81. A fine city, Miami."

1. "The Florida guys are cranking out the pushups after the touchdown, their cut muscles gleaming in the sun. And 15,000 red-blooded gay men just sent their applications in to the University of Florida, pardner."

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I actually did hear Lee Corso during some Thursday-night MAC showdown a while back describe an offensive lineman’s ideal blocking technique as “squat, drop your butt, and explode out of the hole.” I guess he made his OLs eat a lot of Mexican when he was at State . . .

by Doug on Jun 1, 2006 11:34 AM EDT reply actions

didn’t you guys determine musberger believes gay men have green blood?

by BIGMIKE on Jun 1, 2006 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

mmm…bukkake

by alanon on Jun 1, 2006 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

“Help me unhook this brojesus, good to let the old bags breathe.”

Amazing, you’re on fire today

by John on Jun 1, 2006 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

While Brent was in Lincoln last year he got totally shitfaced (I can’t only assume that it wasn’t a unique occurance) and actually got a DUI while driving in downtown Lincoln.

Musberger and bukkake…two words that should never be in the same sentence. Herbstreit maybe, but never Musberger.

by Chuck on Jun 1, 2006 12:10 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, you left out Brent’s unhealthy fixation with Laura Quinn: “Can’t wait to see the fruit of Caveman Linebacker’s loins with this young filly, Jackaroo.”

by Phil K. on Jun 1, 2006 12:18 PM EDT reply actions

Chuck, I think Musberger got nailed for an open container, not a DUI (he wasn’t the driver). But if you had to listen to Brent Musberger all day, every day, wouldn’t you start drinking heavily too?

by Harry Hasselhoff on Jun 1, 2006 12:24 PM EDT reply actions

Actually, I think Musberger just got an open-container charge in Lincoln, I don’t believe he was driving at the time…

by Husker du on Jun 1, 2006 12:31 PM EDT reply actions

In defense of Brent’s open container, folks:

If any of you actually watched that Nebraska-Pitt game last year then you would have been driven to drink as well. More likely you would have been driven to inject heroin directly into your eyeballs. It was definitively the worst played game I have ever watched, and I was forced to devote continued attention to it in the sportsbar because I had a bet on it, which of course lost in the very, very end.

by Kanu on Jun 1, 2006 1:59 PM EDT reply actions

Correct, Kanu. Musburger deserves credit for surviving that game and not placing a pencil up his nose and slamming his head forward onto the table.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 1, 2006 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

If any of you actually watched that Nebraska-Pitt game last year… It was definitively the worst played game I have ever watched…

Worse than Miami-FSU last year? I went to that one- it was visual diarrhea.

The FSU chicks everywhere wearing next to nothing as their gameday attire served as heavy dose of the pink stuff, however.

by AU03 on Jun 1, 2006 2:32 PM EDT reply actions

7-6 was brutal, but it was worth it watching the Wannstache blow it at the end. Always a good day when Pitt loses.

by parker91 on Jun 1, 2006 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

AU03-

10 times worse. Made Miami-FSU look like the Rose Bowl. Anyone who actually saw it will confirm this. It really should be shown on Classic as the worst game ever.

The funny thing about it was that there were a group of 5 Nebraska fans watching it intensely in this sportsbar in SF, and after Pitt fucked up for the 83rd time and Nebraska pulled it out at the end to win, these people went crazy cheering and hugging each other. We just thought how sad it was that they had fallen so far that they were getting all excited at barely beating a terrible Pitt team at home thanks to 837 complete fuckups by said Pitt team that lost at home to an average MAC team. It was hilarious and embarrassing all at the same time.

by Kanu on Jun 1, 2006 2:49 PM EDT reply actions

Wannstache. The Isiah Thomas of the football world. Give the guy a job, he’ll fuck it up.

by Rome on Jun 1, 2006 3:00 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, my bad on the open container deal.

Blame must be placed on Solich, not Callahan. Everyone here in Nebraska is still wondering why Ohio (and the rest of the nation for that matter) was so psyched to get Solich. Good God you can take him Ohio.

by Chuck on Jun 1, 2006 10:14 PM EDT reply actions