TY WILLINGHAM=HIDETOSHI NAKATA
by Orson on May 22, 2006 2:11 PM EDT
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PrintPeter over at Burnt Orange Nation found this internet widget that, upon scanning an uploaded pic of your face, will tell you what celebrity you most resemble in terms of facial structure. Apparently, Peter most closely resembles Donald Trump, which is why VERY WEALTHY PEOPLE read his LUXURIOUS AND VERY WEALTHY BLOG. If he's dating an Eastern European hooker, then this would be further testimony to the software's amazing inferential powers.
We had to try us, of course. We'll omit the source photo, but this software rocks our ass just because it told us we most closely resembled...
...Laurence Fishburne, which would explain why every time we see Angela Bassett on television we smack the set to the ground while screaming. We aren't black, mind you, but we do wander around making strange prophecies while wearing a black leather trenchcoat. When Laurence does it, it's cool; when we do it, the police call it "vagrancy." Either way we're thrilled to be a virtual dead ringer for the man.
This being the Rub-Al-Khali segment of the offseason--the long, pre-preview stretch between spring ball and the debut of the preview magazines--we decided to run a few others through the program and see what else might be divined from their celebrity facial similarities.
1. Ty Willingham...
...and Hidetoshi Nakata, Japanese football hero
Possible similarities: both have difficulty speaking meaningful English. Also both never seen on the recruiting trail.
Will not vouch for Willingham's status as a gay icon in Japan, though Notre Dame fans would certainly testify to his ability to suck in front of an audience of millions.
2. Urban Meyer
...and answer one: Mark Ruffalo, but answer two will be the choice of EDSBS official other:
Possible similarities. Unrestrained, raw animal sex appeal. Stunning baritone singing voice. Both raised Catholic. Both wildly popular in Germany.
Jim Tressel...
...and another man who ruled a fractious, underdeveloped nation with an iron hand...
Tito, hand me a tissue.
Possible Similarities. Hmm...fishy financing. Iconoclastic, stand-alone politics. Have each been shooed out of Sophia Loren's kitchen by the lady herself. Willing to bet that Tito loved him some good hovercraft just like Jimmy T.
Phil Fulmer...
...and Yul Brenner
Possible similarities Difficulty breathing (Brenner due to only having one lung after cancer, Fulmer due to Fulmerdom.) Both weighed 165 pounds (Brenner at 32, Fulmer at 11.) Other than that, absolutely nothing.
[NAME REDACTED]
=Steven Seagal (54% match)
Possible similarities: Marked for Death (Seagal, film, Zook, job situation.) Both tend to spit out bad, cliched dialogue and run in a humorous fashion. Equally fond of attacking helpless targets (Seagal, hapless minions with kung fu brutality, [NAME REDACTED], Coke machines with his head.)
Mark "Manwich" Mangino...
...and Russian cosmonaut Pavel Belyayev
Possible similarities: Require thousands of pounds of thrust to get to their place of employment.
Mike Leach...
...and Errol Flynn.
Possible similarities: Both fans of pirates and rapid, easy penetration of defenses. Especially Errol.
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One major difference between Willingham and Nakata though:
Nakata’s team has actually won a trophy or two.
by Nico on May 22, 2006 2:18 PM EDT reply actions
teehee, anybody that can make fun of Texas Tech and imply a gay Robin Hood in a sentence devoid of a grammatical subject is a man amongst boys
by trot on May 22, 2006 2:30 PM EDT reply actions
Spurrier’s results were varied, some telling…
Peter Ustinov – Spurtacus (56%)
Kyle MacLachlan – Nice Hair (54%)
Reggie Miller – Grade A Trashtalker (52%)
Hugo Chavez – Evil Emperor (49%)
Jeff Bridgs – The Dude (48%)
by Flahute on May 22, 2006 2:45 PM EDT reply actions
Charlie Weis – Ann Ramsey?
If you run Weis, you get Ann Ramsey, no? She was in the Danny Devito, Billy Crystal movie, “Throw Momma From the Train”.
Here is a picture of Ms. Ramsey:
http://incolor.inebraska.com/sumaree/nebraskafilm/images/ramsey2.jpg
by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on May 22, 2006 2:47 PM EDT reply actions
I hate to break it to you, but in the first sentence of similaries between [NAME REDACTED] and Steven Segal you used [NAME REDACTED]’s name.
by Aaron on May 22, 2006 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
explain the logic that caused me to get Rupert Grint (Ron from Harry Potter), Eddie Murphy, Jon Bon Jovi, and Heath Ledger.
by adam on May 22, 2006 3:23 PM EDT reply actions
Actually, much as I like Hidetoshi Nakata (not that way though), he and Willingham are pretty similar inasmuch as early success has been followed by successive moves to lesser clubs. Sorry Washington; better hope Tyrone’s got a couple more teams to go or you’re really in trouble.
Now as for my man Pete Carroll, they seem to think that he looks like:
- Mordechai Vanunu (imprisoned for outing Israel’s nuclear capability, but you knew that)
- Johann Cruyff, purveyor of Total Football (fair enough)
- Friedrich Paulus (Field Marshal in Wehrmacht who surrendered at Stalingrad and ended up an East German Inspector of Police)
- John Carpenter, fright film director
- Bela Lugosi (eh?)
- Martin Sheen
- Tony Blair
That is a very very strange group of people…
by DC Trojan on May 22, 2006 3:40 PM EDT reply actions
I came back as Ricky Martin or Adam Ant. What a crappy way to find out I’m gay.
by d-dub on May 22, 2006 3:56 PM EDT reply actions
Finally, proof for Norm MacDonald’s time-tested theory: Germans love Urban Meyer.
Keibler: Throw Momma is a classic, but if you saw that face and your first thought was not The Goonies, you’re not one of us. Sorry pal.
by gatorjess on May 22, 2006 4:04 PM EDT reply actions
I think you guys will be interested to know that Bobby Bowden is a 58% match to J. Edgar Hoover. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination . . .
by strangebrew on May 22, 2006 4:16 PM EDT reply actions
Christian Bale, while luckily a 100% match for himself, is also a 71% match for Paula Abdul?
by The Drizzle on May 22, 2006 4:24 PM EDT reply actions
The only one I’ve been able to replicate for myself from multiple pictures is Ewan McGregor. The one I’m happiest to claim is a 70% match to Clint Eastwood in one.
On the other hand, I never really thought of myself looking much like Lionel Richie or Calista Flockhart. The synergistic possibilities there are endless though, i.e. http://imdb.com/name/nm1421588/
by The Drizzle on May 22, 2006 4:28 PM EDT reply actions
i ran one of me and it came up as britney spears
been feeling myself up all day
by fattus on May 22, 2006 5:04 PM EDT reply actions
I’m a young Frank Sinatra. If anybody is Sammy Davis Jr. please let me know and we’ll start a new Rat Pack.
by Chuck on May 22, 2006 5:19 PM EDT reply actions
wow, so i did it again with a more recent photo, and i am officially be bestest looking person ever!
in order: rob lowe, john wayne (bet you never thought those two would be paired together), jaime lee curtis (counts as a guy since she is an XY female), colin farrell, jesse metcalfe, jesse mccartney, and brad pitt(!!!).
all you ugly fuckers can fuck off.
by adam on May 22, 2006 6:11 PM EDT reply actions
Jackwraith, God bless you for getting the Jacksons reference. One of the finest tv movies ever made.
by Orson Swindle on May 22, 2006 6:13 PM EDT reply actions
You can’t fool us Adam. you know you came back as Jim J. Bullock.
Buck up soldier, it’s all good.
by Rome on May 22, 2006 6:15 PM EDT reply actions
No one’s mentioned that Nakata’s jersey has Assitalia on it yet? You all have lost some mph on the collective fastballs.
by Auburn Fan on May 22, 2006 7:46 PM EDT reply actions
Speak for them, not us—there’s a reason we picked the pic.
by Orson Swindle on May 22, 2006 8:30 PM EDT reply actions
I got Vin Diesel and Howard Dean.
Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
by Newspaper Hack on May 22, 2006 9:20 PM EDT reply actions
Oh, this ain’t right………..
I got Pervez Musharraf, Dolph Lundgren, Liberace, Paul Walker, Billy Graham, and Julio Iglesias.
I guess this hepls explain my multiple personality disorder.
by Southern Papa on May 22, 2006 10:09 PM EDT reply actions
How in god’s name does the zooker not come back as a 95% match for Gary Cole? He of Lumbergh fame, also the dad in The Brady Bunch Movies.
Gatorjess, agreed on the goonies thing.
by Wooderson on May 23, 2006 7:00 AM EDT reply actions
Frank Beamer: Mel Gibson 61%, Ozzy Osbourne 57%, Rock Hudson 53%
Jenkins: Cook Kirby 96%
by gatorjess on May 23, 2006 8:30 AM EDT reply actions
The Chosen One, Charlie Weiss came back as:
Bruce Willis, Tommy Lasorda & Ronald Reagan.
You can’t make this stuff up!
My highlinght was coming back as both Robert Palmer & Molly Ringwald.
by Go IRSH on May 23, 2006 10:25 AM EDT reply actions
I came back as Tom Selleck, Pete Sampras, Matthew Broderick, and this guy
My wife is a combo of Marilyn Monroe, Melanie Griffith, and VENUS WILLIAMS.
by bubba on May 23, 2006 12:48 PM EDT reply actions
I’m going to ignore the couple 60+ year old guys I had not heard of that were within my first few matches and just claim that I am a cross between Prince Harry and Keanu Reeves.
by COWolverine on May 23, 2006 1:42 PM EDT reply actions
LOL! at you slapping the TV when Angela B. comes on! That mess is hilarious and I could totally imagine ya’ll doing it!
“What—you tryin to help Ike!?!?”
by Moni on Nov 13, 2006 2:56 PM EST reply actions
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