SHULA BUBBLE TAKES KNOCK: JUWAN SIMPSON ENTERS BAMA INTO FULMER CUP
Mike Shula’s one great selling point has been his stability. Well, that and winning the genetic lottery along with causing Warrick Dunn more pain than any human on the planet during his time as OC for the Tampa Bay Bucs. His plays seemed to be designed to maim the tiny back, especially “Jets Trips WD HB Screen Sans Blockers,” and “Tango Tight High and Floaty Over The Middle To Warrick Just In Front Of The Safety.”
But besides shortening Warrick Dunn’s lifespan by two years, Shula has breathed life into the Bama program with his mayonnaise personality, ability to surround himself with savvy veteran coaching, and a nearly complete lack of serious trouble in critical offseasons. He’s building a fine bubble for the program, and this isn’t a subtle jab at him either, since Shula as a coach has pretty much been defined: a bland, competent administrator-type whose virtues lay in his steady hand and delegating ability.
Picking veteran talent like, man, that danged old Joe Kines has made all the dang difference for that there Shula, man.
(We can hear the hell coming, Bama fans. It’s okay. He’s boring. We’ve got a coach who’s trying to run a mongrel spread option with the world’s greatest flag football quarterback. And to beat you to the punch:
Taht’s a lotta smack for someone who lost to the Tide 31-3! ROLL TIDE
There. We’ve said it so you won’t have to. See you September 30th.)
The thrust of this is that Shula’s built a nice bubble around the program, and excepting a DUI arrest by John Parker Wilson, everyone’s had the common courtesy to avoid getting arrested and befouling the bubble with the fart of serious trouble. Which is what makes Juwan Simpson’s arrest over the weekend for marijuana possession, unlicensed handgun possession, and receiving stolen property so aberrant. Simpson is one of the golden boys of the Bama community, a team leader, double degree seeker (um, in financial planning and criminal justice) and the recipient of the Derrick Thomas Award for community involvement. Him getting popped for anything looks worse than a back bencher getting nailed for the same, much less for the cliched marijuana/handgun charges duo with a chaser of stolen property.
Given Simpson’s farting up the Shula bubble over the weekend, we herald the arrival of Bama in the Fulmer Cup standings with a solid three point award, one for each misdemeanor charge in Simpson’s case. Speaking of bubbles, we were watching an entirely different type of bubble last night in Centennial Park in Atlanta, one containing Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips:
Juwan Simpson got arrested. We got blasted with confetti and balloons. All in a weekend.
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1
nixforsix says:
the transition from the Gourds being onstage to De La Soul earlier in the day completely freaked me out. Just exact opposites.
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:18 am
2
RedTide says:
Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:22 am
3
Mr. Egger says:
In addition to Warrick Dunn, Shula has done a very good job aat Bama of putting players in precarious positions. Tyrone Protho was a freaky injury, but he shouldn’t have been in the game. Same for Brodie Croyle’s bad shoulder entering what was already a lost game in Athens a couple years ago before taking a hit which ended his season (I think two QBs took season ending shots that game). Shula has done a solid job. And I’d expect he has a little while longer with a program in desperate need for some stability. But I still have a lot of trouble seeing Shula there for 5-10 more years.
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:30 am
4
ness says:
What a great show last night!! I don’t know if there is anything such as as a “contact high” for liberty caps or whatever mind expanding drug the Lips are constantly on, but Wayne had us buzzing around all night-floating on a bubble of our own self realization that the news of Juwan Simpson’s arrest has now obliterated!
“Man is a rope, stretched across the abyss”….oh fuck Simpson got arrested!!
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:30 am
5
italiangator says:
Hell, at least Dee had the sense to register his weapons.
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:30 am
6
Ashamed says:
He should have fired the gun in the air to scare the cops away.
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:50 am
7
NewAZTiger says:
Oh J. Simpson, where art thou?
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:59 am
8
Orson Swindle says:
Ness, nix–
For a band to do a “Bohemian Rhapsody” sing-along for their second song with film of a naked woman covering herself in wasabi playing behind them…if their genius wasn’t a proven fact to me before, it is after that.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:05 am
9
Orson Swindle says:
That, coincidentally, is exactly what the inside of our head looks like.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:06 am
10
Todd says:
it’s my fault for leaving the state for a weekend. i knew i couldn’t trust the rest of you bastards to keep things in line while i was gone.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:08 am
11
BamaTaxMan says:
(We can hear the hell coming, Bama fans. It’s okay. He’s boring. We’ve got a coach who’s trying to run a mongrel spread option with the world’s greatest flag football quarterback. And to beat you to the punch:
Taht’s a lotta smack for someone who lost to the Tide 31-3! ROLL TIDE
There. We’ve said it so you won’t have to. See you September 30th.)
Damn, y’all just took all the fun out of it.
My first reaction. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.??
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:28 am
12
Phil K. says:
Is Wayne still doing the bit with the nun hand puppet? I saw them right after Yoshimi came out, and when they played Fight Test, I remember thinking, “Wait, are they covering Father and Son? Oooh, Yosef Islam’s people aren’t going to like this one bit.”
May 22nd, 2006 at 11:06 am
13
Harvey Wireman says:
Mr. Blogmeister:
Should Notre Dame get any honorary Fulmer Cup points for having VITO SPATAFORE of the Sopranos wear a ND cap on yesterday’s episode, before he got whacked by Phil Leotardo and his Gang of Guidos & Goombas?
(FYI: Vito plays the Brokeback Mountain character in the series.)
May 22nd, 2006 at 11:08 am
14
Orson Swindle says:
Yes, Phil. The Nun led a singalong last night.
Harvey, we award no points, but do want that noted in the record.
May 22nd, 2006 at 11:19 am
15
Nico says:
I’m certainly not going to give anyone hell for this statement. Considering the three-ring cirucs that’s been going on around here for the better part of a decade, bland is what we want and I’m sure that’s a large part of the reason he was chosen.
He may actually be the first post-Bear Bryant hire that was chosen for long-term reasons instead of the instant panacea that is usually sought. I think he was hired with the intention of getting someone low key, who understands the dynamic pressure of the job and who loves the place and can quietly restore some dignity to what used to be a destination coaching job.
His progression from (4-9) to (6-6) to (10-2) has been nothing short of miraculous given the circumstances. I doubt he will replicate his ‘05 success more than once (if at all), but if he can win 8 games a year a few more times and keep the program respectable, Alabama will be able to attract top level coaching again.
May 22nd, 2006 at 11:53 am
16
Orson Swindle says:
Nico, what we thought was a disastrous pick actually has worked out beautifully for the Tide. He’s been better than anyone envisioned.
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:03 pm
17
NewAZTiger says:
Nico, you’re probably one of the few that thinks that way about Bama’s coaching job.
Most still think it is a destination job, but most Bama coaches seem to find jobs elsewhere after Bama, scandal or no.
I’d personally love to hear why Wallace Wade left Bama after a MNC to go to Duke. Duke obviously really loved him – they named their stadium after him.
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:30 pm
18
tigereyes109 says:
As an Auburn fan, I think Shula was a great hire. Bama fans can spin it however they want. Bill Curry got fired because he couldnt beat Auburn. Mike Shula cant beat Auburn and he gets an extension. things have changed at the capstone……
May 22nd, 2006 at 1:47 pm
19
RedTide says:
Wade left for the same reasons coaches leave today… the administration and alumni got too involved. Seriously, look it up.
May 22nd, 2006 at 1:49 pm
20
Stacey Keibler Luvs Me says:
Harvey Wireman:
I would suggest you skip the Manichewitz for breakfast every once in a while.
I, of course, am not a Domer fan at all. But, a Hollywood-type gone soft, wearing a Notre Dame cap does not make for Fulmer Cup pointage.
Fulmer Cup points are for lawbreakers, not for bad actors.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
21
CHARLIE MURPHEY says:
The firearm was the stolen property.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:04 pm
22
Nico says:
I think the Shula extension was premature, but you can’t be serious in comparing Curry’s situation to Shula’s situation.
Curry wasn’t handed the task of rescuing the program from Clusterfuckistan like Shula was.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:14 pm
23
kublajoint says:
Since the gun was the stolen property, does this mean Bama is only awarded 2 points towards the Fulmer Cup?
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:35 pm
24
CHARLIE MURPHEY says:
That’s a good point. 1 point for weed and 1 for gun.
-2 points because there was a girl in the car.
He was just trying to get laid.
Who hasn’t purchased some weed and got a gun for that.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:56 pm
25
Newspaper Hack says:
Look — as ANY Bama fan knows, Wade left Bama because of the pressure. That’s right. The fucking pressure to win. Remember, he had to live up to Frank Thomas, and it was already too much. So, he left for a place where football wasn’t taken so seriously.
BTW — I invite everyone to The Capstone this fall and worship at the life-size statues of Frank Thomas, Wallace Wade, Bear Bryant and Gene Stallings. Try not to faint from the 12 national championships repped by the four men.
May 22nd, 2006 at 4:21 pm
26
Auburn Fan says:
As to #25, pardon us while we puke. There’s been no homo sapien on the face of the earth that cheated more than the aforementioned, except for those scumbags in the black hats in a Spaghetti Western.
May 22nd, 2006 at 4:32 pm
27
dragonash says:
Y’all ought to be in B’ham today and be listening to the local talking heads tell us “to be careful and not rush to judgement on these charges”. Huh? I understand homerism, shading or spinning but this is ridiuculous. There are even Bama geeks talking conspiracy by the police to get Mr. Simpson. One lawyer, on a talk show Mr. Swindel was on at the 3:00 CDT hour, spoke of a judge who might get the case being an Auburn fan and Mr. Simpson better hope he does not get that judge!! Insanity is the rule not the exception when it comes to these thirdworld Bamma-ites. If this was a Vol, Tiger, Gator, Blazer, Miner, Hog, etc., the accused would have been hung by his heels and justice would have been served. Pricks.
May 22nd, 2006 at 5:07 pm
28
Orson Swindle says:
That’s sort of what we said when we were on Finebaum’s show earlier today–if he was caught with a stolen gun and weed, well, he was probably caught with a stolen gun and weed.
May 22nd, 2006 at 5:14 pm
29
Misinformed says:
As it turns out, the gun was in the process of being registered and it’s possible the that the search of the vehicle was illegal —— Dat makes da weed da fruit of da poisonous twee.
May 22nd, 2006 at 5:45 pm
30
dragonash says:
I heard you on Fine@@@@. (I won’t spell his name out-sort of like Beetlejuice-except Fine@@@@’s worse) On a local morning show, the topic was breached for maybe two minutes. Maybe ex-Bama players on the radio aren’t honest when it comes to reporting on Bama players’ alleged offenses, but, they sure are when it comes to the Vols or the Tigers.
May 22nd, 2006 at 5:48 pm
31
NewAZTiger says:
That 20th place AP finish MNC is sure impressive.
May 22nd, 2006 at 7:00 pm
32
CHARLIE Murphy says:
We get it Auburn fans you don’t think all of the MNC’s are legit. But tell the truth if any major Football ranking system would have ever decided to honor the Tigers,War eagle,Cum guzzlers a MNC you would take it but that hasn’t happend. So STFU.
May 22nd, 2006 at 7:22 pm
33
RIP Logan Young says:
Auburn Fan,
Seriously, coming from you? What are y’all, something like 2nd all-time in time spent on NCAA probation?
As for Wade, Newspaper Hack, he preceded Frank Thomas.
But the Wade example is hardly relevant, anyway — college football was a much different animal in the 1920s/30s than it is today.
May 22nd, 2006 at 7:58 pm
34
Newspaper Hack says:
Sorry — I hadn’t slept in 36 hours, so my fact-checking was off. Wade coached from 1923-1930, winning the conference in ‘24, ‘25, ‘26 and ‘30 along with national championships in ‘25, ‘26 and ‘30 for a 61-13-3 record at Bama. Thomas followed with four conference titles and two national championships between ‘31 and ‘46 with a 115-24-7 record. BTW — I still don’t know how you can go 10-0 and beat Southern Cal in the Rose Bowl (’45) and not be declared national champs, but with the exception of the National Championship Foundation, everybody else voted for Army.
Hooray for media guides.
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:02 pm
35
VOLPIMP says:
I heard the gun was used by Logan Young to beat himself to death with, any merit to these allegations?
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:52 pm
36
Will Collier says:
Shula was an interim hire, not unlike Terry Bowden and Mike DuBose, who were signed for cheap and meant all along to be replaced with a “real coach” as soon as the then-current trouble passed. Like both of the above, he’s managed to win enough games to get an extension (getting to play the worst Tennessee and Florida teams of the last 15 years helped SHula, er, a lot), but also like both of the above, he doesn’t have the chops to hold on to the job long-term.
May 23rd, 2006 at 9:03 am
37
AU03 says:
I consider the New York Times (1983), the Billingsley Report (1913) and the National Championship Foundation(1993) as being more prevalent than the Football Thesaurus, who awarded a NC to BAMA in 1941 after being shut out twice by SEC teams.
May 23rd, 2006 at 9:45 am
38
AU03 says:
Oh, and the AP in 1957- I consider that major. Yes, we were on Probation, but the reason we were on Probation was one of teh most underhanded things the NCAA has ever done, and that’s saying a lot.
May 23rd, 2006 at 10:20 am
39
CHARLIE MURPHEY says:
CONGRADULATIONS…….NOW STFU……BIIIIAAAAATCH
May 23rd, 2006 at 11:24 am
40
John in Hsv says:
From Will the Collie Lover,
“Shula was an interim hire, not unlike Terry Bowden and Mike DuBose, who were signed for cheap and meant all along to be replaced with a “real coach” as soon as the then-current trouble passed. Like both of the above, he’s managed to win enough games to get an extension (getting to play the worst Tennessee and Florida teams of the last 15 years helped SHula, er, a lot), but also like both of the above, he doesn’t have the chops to hold on to the job long-term.”
What a laugh. Nobody down at the Cow Palace thought of Tater Bowden as an “interim hire” when he went undefeated. (Granted he accomplished this with the best talent that money can buy but paid players don’t guarantee wins. Just ask Phil Fulmer or Mike DuBose). You idiots were ready to give up your Klan robes and pile a kilo of coke under Terry’s snootholes if he would sign a long-term contract. Unfortunately only one thing went wrong. Pat Dye was actually still running the team, and once the payola stopped the players quit coming. Ooooops!
The only reason you’ve had the success you have in the last few years is because Lowder’s ego is so huge that he managed to botch the firing of Jug’Ears. With the exception of that retard Irons the last of your hired talent graduated last year. It looks like a return to mediocrity for the Barn.
As far as Shula goes he just piled up a 10-2 record WITHOUT AN OFFENSIVE LINE! Not bad at all.
May 24th, 2006 at 10:54 am
41
Will Collier says:
John, what you have just said is the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it.
I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
May 25th, 2006 at 2:29 pm