CHRIS RIX QB SCHOOL: AIM HIGH, PARK IN THE HANDICAPPED SPACE

That’s a sweet watch he’s wearing, most CHAMPION caliber QB’s wear watches.

They DO, Mike. His arms look JACKED as always, mostly because they stole all the muscle MASS from his legs.

Maybe he can have a sign that the players slap on their way out of the locker room to the Champion training fields that says, “Play like a Tool today!”

The CRCTA got an endorsement from a meteorologist (with the last name “Raines”)- so you KNOW it’s good.

Please note his signature; Chris is apparently a man of God, as evidenced by the cross he uses to dot his ‘i’ with. The glory goes to the true champion Mr. Rix – the champion of your soul.

Perhaps we should start writing our signature like this:

That is soooo metal.

This is SOOOOOOO a tax shelter!

all champion-caliber QBs wear junior class rings ON THEIR FOREFINGER also!

My favorite part are the laces he draws in the “C” of Chris. You know, in case you forgot this had something to do with football.

This has made my morning.

EZ-
It’s cause he didn’t actually win a real ring.

god I’m so funny sometimes. or not. But I still remember ND demolishing them in tally-town, that was a fun year…er, 8 game stretch

I can’t explain why, but I’m getting a totally “Napoleon Dynamite” vibe off of this.

At Champion Training Academy, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!

As I stood in hurricane remnants on September 26th of 2002, I thought to myself that if the #4 or 7 ranked Seminoles just handed the ball to Greg Jones that they would destroy my Cardinals. As we all found out, if you put the ball into the hands of a “CHAMPION” you get INT after Int. Some of which requires the “CHAMPIONS” teammates to be no where within 15 yards of were you threw it. Is that what he ment by reading your opponant? That is a champion. I loved RIX for gifting me the greatest win in Card history.

Apparently, his “dotting” the i is not his only guidepost:

http://www.chrisrix.com/

He has a “Spiritual Playbook” tab. Classic.

“Austin not only learned about the quarterback position but about life’s lessons as well.”

Like how to pick up the pieces after not getting drafted.

AHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! MY EYES! MY FRONTAL LOBE! MY DEITY OF THE WEEK!

(I have committment issues)

At Champion Training Academy, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!

I guess you’d call it RIX-kwondo.

Austin, bow to your sensei.

CHRIS RIX will teach you to BE A LEADER. How to SLEEP IN and MISS FINALS. To SUPPORT the CONTINENTAL CONGREff and SONf OF LIBERTY.

Nice use of the sibilant German F, Rob.

Oh my. Chris is also using his hotmail account for business purposes… classy and professional!

This guy just reached douchebag level 1.

Even FSU alumni couldn’t get Rixy a job after his stellar career at FSU. But then again, I don’t think there is a career in overthrowing receivers, throwing tight spirals into CB’s hands and being tan.

Sweet fade though. I wish I had hair like his….

Brain reminded me of one of my greatest ESPN-watching moments ever. I was living with my parents at the time, sitting around on a Thursday night with nothing better to do than watch Louisville-FSU on a Thursday night, and in the midst of a frigging monsoon the Cards are giving FSU an OMG-are-you-believing-this?-close game. Finally Louisville scores the TD — I can’t remember specifically but I’ll bet $20 it came off a Rix turnover — that puts them ahead for the first time in the game, the Papa John’s crowd is going apeshit, and Tirico, Herbstreit, and Corso are up in the booth marveling at what a turn of events this is. And right in the middle of Herbstreit making some salient point, I guess a crazed UL student got real close to one of the field mikes, because Herbstreit’s comment gets drowned out by a clear-as-day, unbleeped “FUCK YEAH! LOUISVILLE ON ESPN!!!!”

I laughed my silly ass off as Herbstreit, ever the consummate professional, continued as if nothing untoward had happened. And to this day, when my friends and I are sitting around and watching football and there’s a long lull in the conversation, one of us will usually break it by shouting the “Fuck yeah Louisville” comment as loud as we can. I guess, in a weird way, I have Chris Rix to thank for that.

I think I’m going to vomit/throw-up.

Isn’t this the same clown that was wasted in the street and calling himself God?

For all the youngsters out there. If you want to be a good QB here are two suggestions.

1. Whatever happens, do not listen to Chris Rix. You’ll have a better chance of your dog teaching you Chinese.

2. When all else fails, read rule 1.

named our mighty Bloodsport-themed metal band if Tweezer-Boy up there hadn’t already stolen it and made it moldy lame by association. (We’re still going to do a band just to perform “Fight to Survive.” Do not invite us to your party, because that is our only song, and our shows will be three hours long because that is what real bands do.)

Kumate….Kumate…Kumate

No Rome that was Wyatt Sexton, he was stricken with “Lyme Disease” at the time aka massive amounts of drugs.

Doug, it broke down like this, end of regulation. ‘Noles get the ball first in OT. I look at my buddy and say…"if Bowden puts this thing in the hands of Rix. We’re in pretty good shape." They break huddle and run a running play. No gain. Bowden the younger draws up a “You’re the bottle cap, he’s the piece of glass” play and Rix throws the thing to the 10 yard line. Do I need to mention that NONE of his teammates were within 10 – 15 yards of the thing. INT. We run a counter tre to the left on our first play and score. Ballgame. CHAMPION football, catch the fever!!! May I also say I hate mixing my sports and my religion. If you are part of the GOD fearing group that is great, but don’t push it on others, subtle or not. Rix and Kurt Warner are always pushing their agendas on folks. Which bring up the question… if 2 competitors both have faith in the same GOD, who does GOD decide to let win a contest? To say that you win a game because you pray is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

Brian,

Don’t forget Jon Kitna and his silly hats and wrist bands.

BTW – apparently he’s also an Independent VíaVienté Distribution Agent which appears to have been designed by the same guy who loves CAPITAL AND BOLD leTTErs.

http://chrisrix.myviaoffice.com/

Brain/Odell…let’s not leave out Andy Pettite, Aaron Baddeley (Aussie pro golfer) and nearly every single NFLer, except for Randy Moss.

…if 2 competitors both have faith in the same GOD, who does GOD decide to let win a contest?

Answer: Danny Wuerffel

http://www.petitiononline.com/varoommm/petition.html

Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are.

ORSON – Having reviewed your signature above, I have determined that you are the Zodiac killer.

http://www.zodiackiller.com/ZLetter1.html

As a ND fan, I’m terrified that Jimmy Clausen is taking hair-care tips from Chris Rix.

red root and brain;

God does not have a favorite football team, but his Mother does.

All that comes to mind with Rix and his Champions camp is “the blind leading the blind”. His mantra should be “Do as I say, not as I do (or did)”.

You’re welcome Orson

Your play diagram above is spot-on. I swear that really is the Jeff Bowden philosophy. I was convinced Rix could simply lob the ball into the endzone and jog to the sidelines while it’s in mid-air. If it’s caught for a TD or intercepted, you’re still coming off the field.

Check out the Rix farks on Gatorcountry.com.

The one of Chris’ body with the AFLAC duck head superimposed on top is an all-timer.

They’ve also got some real intimate shots of Rix and Burt Reynolds … hey wait a minute! Those aren’t farks!!!

Thanks Orson. Now I have kumite.. kumite.. kumitee.. running through my head.

Chris Rix was our Ron Zook…only we didn’t pay him $1 million a year to wreck our program.

And somehow his gawd-awful mechanics, freakish hair, and laser-beam-like focus on the primary receiver still won in Gainesville. That’s gotta suck…