STILL SMOKIN': RAMONCE TAYLOR WANTS TO GET YOU HIIIIIIGGGGH.
No lead in here: Ramonce Taylor of the University of Texas is arrested with FIVE POUNDS OF MARIJUANA. You may not know much about marijuana, but living in the Sunshine State for six and a half years gives you a kind of honorary associate's degree in pharmacology. Given those credentials, we'll tell you that five pounds of marijuana would keep Matthew McConoughey red-eyed and playing naked bongos for a long, long time, and take an average smoker light-years of concentrated lung-scorching to come close to consuming.

Ramonce Taylor on a mountain vacation, or Indonesia's Mount Merapi? You decide.
The story, like Taylor's Mystikal-sized bag of chiba, takes on Texas-sized proportions. First, the fight sparking the phone call attracting police came as a result of a fight involving one hundred people. We would not call that a "fight"; the more accurate word would be "insurrection," "riot," or "revolution," and when it happens overseas you're usually plucked from the scene by a squad of marines and a Black Hawk.
Second, Taylor--who gets impressive moron points for calling the police in the first place with five pounds of marijuana on his person--wasn't a second team scrub. Taylor scored fifteen touchdowns for the 'Horns last season, a multi-talented back with speed and power as comfortable taking the pitch from Vince Young as he was catching the ball on swing passes. Texas only has fifteen running backs capable of replacing him, sure, but chemistry's a tricky thing, and Taylor played a large role in Texas running ramshod over their slate in 2005.
(Positives: EDSBS fave and Drax the Destroyer double 6-3, 270 lb Henry Melton gets one step closer to the starting spot with the arrest. Henry smash!)
Fulmer Cup points for this one will be tricky, but we think we've got it. We award Texas the following:
1 point for marijuana possession
1 point for possessing "Nate Newton-esque" amounts of weed
1 point for being associated with a one hundred person insurrection
1 point for "imperial hubris" points. (Awarded to standing national champions for all major violations in year following championship.)
Texas totals four Fulmer Cup points. Fine work, gentlemen--now who's gonna get Austin high with the Longhorn's own Sir Smoke-A-Lot behind the wall?
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How I Spent My Spring Vacation by Ramonce Taylor.
by bitterhorn on May 15, 2006 8:22 AM EDT reply actions
Ruben Houston just called. He said, “Five pounds? Nigga, please.”
by Doug on May 15, 2006 8:31 AM EDT reply actions
This all took place on a pecan farm, right? Not at a prison or some sort of raging kegger in Austin. Has anyone confirmed that this wasn’t really Ricky Williams incognito and trying to get a few more eligible snaps at the D-1 level since that whole NFL and smoking pot thing isn’t working out?
by Toledo Brian on May 15, 2006 8:33 AM EDT reply actions
I heard on the radio this morning if if turns out to be more than five pounds it will be bumped up to a second degree felony which could get him 20 years. If that happens there might have to be a recalculation of points. Come on he plays ball in Austin. This is the place where they pull you over entering the city limits. If they don’t find pot on you when you are searched you are issued a dime bag on the spot.
by TideInTx on May 15, 2006 8:46 AM EDT reply actions
Does the description of that make anyone else think of the scene in WHite Men Can’t Jump, “I’m going to my car, get my gun, come back and kill EVERYBODY!”
And since someone has to say it, I guess things are just bigger in Texas. 100 person ‘fight’, and a five pound bag in the backseat? Does Taylor not earn a couple extra Fulmer Cup points for just his sheer stupidity in bringing this all on himself?
by Mr. Egger on May 15, 2006 8:48 AM EDT reply actions
When I see the terms “Doug” and “five pounds of marijuana,” I think of this classic quote from “The State”:
“That sure is a lot of oregano, Doug.”
“It better be. I paid $180 for it.”
by Ian on May 15, 2006 8:49 AM EDT reply actions
Even as a Texas fan, I am suspect to believe his story. But, you have to think for a moment that maybe, just maybe the back pack is truly not his. He called the cops to report the fight,and that his car windows had been broke. He left the “fight,” and met the cops at a convenience store. After getting a report that Taylor was, “coming back with a gun,” they asked if he had a gun, he says no and even gives permission for a search. He would have said no if he knew there was 5 lbs of weed in the car. He never resisted or became hostile says the sherriff’s office.
The dude is a thug though, and has been involved with two other “close calls.” Think about that, we could have close to 10 points by now if allegations were persued,a nd they’d all be due to Ramonce.
by The Stos on May 15, 2006 9:48 AM EDT reply actions
Rumors are circulating that the 100 person rumble, was really just Henry Melton versus a parking lot. RT came in with three Pringle Can sized, brown-butcher paper wrapped blunts to try and put BigBoy into a slump sleeper. You would do it too, if your team mate and hommie, was wrestling Civics in the alley behind Amazon.
by TBone Stallone on May 15, 2006 9:52 AM EDT reply actions
i believe, in white men can’t jump, the guy actually says “get my OTHER gun,” because he has just sold the first after trying to rob the convenience store.
by adam on May 15, 2006 9:53 AM EDT reply actions
I’m now imagining Mack Brown busting into the hospital to jack the emergency helicopter so he can swoop in and make the save.
“I don’t care if there’s a near fatality on MoPac. Romance is the best second team, change of pace back in the cu’ntry.”
by NoleinTexas on May 15, 2006 9:55 AM EDT reply actions
Lynn McGruder will see your five pounds and raise you a postal scale, a box of small plastic bags and a shoe box with a bag of seeds. In. His. Dorm. Room.
by Oren Incandenza on May 15, 2006 10:11 AM EDT reply actions
Five pounds and a gun? Just five pounds and just one gun? Come on, things are bigger in Texas.
by dragonash on May 15, 2006 10:17 AM EDT reply actions
That picture/caption had me laughing my ass off! Funny stuff.
by Yost on May 15, 2006 10:58 AM EDT reply actions
I’m sure that Sherman Williams will be glad to share a cell with him…. anyone know when the next parole meeting is for Sherman “the shake” Williams??
by BamaHamr on May 15, 2006 11:03 AM EDT reply actions
Maui Wowi!! Does anyone recall seeing Marcus Vick there?
by Nupe in Va on May 15, 2006 11:39 AM EDT reply actions
I think he should get an additional Fulmer Cup point for calling the cops, if he actually did that as you say in your story. That is grade-A stupidity right there.
by fresh on May 15, 2006 11:59 AM EDT reply actions
Orson, what about a few more points for being the ONE WHO CALLED THE POLICE ON THEMSELVES?!?! Btw, I used one of your pics for this exact post.
by The Tarheel on May 15, 2006 12:36 PM EDT reply actions
Bam Morris called he would like his backpack back.
by rjm on May 15, 2006 12:44 PM EDT reply actions
Oh Romance, so not worth it.
A buddy of mine is from the Austin area, knows RT and his best friend Myron Hardy. Taylor had an assault charge that went away and was pretty much un-reported earlier this season. My friend basically told me that it was just a matter of time before Taylor had something like this happen.
by PLACTIrish on May 15, 2006 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
Upon a closer reading of available news articles and a review of the Texas team roster, it appears that R. T. was dismissed from the Texas football team in February, 2006 before or at the time spring practice began. That said, does Texas still “get” the points awarded to someone no longer on the team?
Please advise.
by Gordon on May 15, 2006 3:13 PM EDT reply actions
Taylor is still on athletic scholarship, I believe he was suspended from participating in team activities until his tutors he could get his grades up.
by rjm on May 15, 2006 4:24 PM EDT reply actions
“Smoke all night
Sleep all day
That’s to me the American Way”
We’re sure we got a pronoun wrong in there somewhere, but we’ll plead whiteness when caught.
by Orson Swindle on May 15, 2006 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
Call me a skeptic, but I somehow suspect this will roll off Ramonce & someone else will take the fall. We’ll see.
by Kevin @ Fanblogs on May 15, 2006 5:59 PM EDT reply actions
And yet I still wonder, how does USC still only have 3 points in the Fulmer Cup? Public urination, rent-free home from a marketing agent, rent-free apartment from Mr. Leinart, alleged rape, dating Paris Hilton… Or is it that players with expiring eligibility don’t count? I’d swear they should have more than 3 points by now. I read you guys religiously and know that you aren’t drinking the Carroll Kool-Aid like a lot of people. Shouldn’t a dynasty win more than one?
by Aaron on May 15, 2006 8:15 PM EDT reply actions
Let me talk to Sampson (or Ramonce). Take me to the moon.
by FreeShoesU on May 15, 2006 10:50 PM EDT reply actions
When asked why Ramonce called the police, he replied.
“Because I got high, because I got high, bc I got h-ighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
by Greg on May 15, 2006 11:29 PM EDT reply actions
Quick poiont, Nate Newton was found with approx. 300 lbs in his car, perhaps the comparison is not apt. That said, apparently Texas rb’s love to rock the gange…
by Jon (Austin) on May 16, 2006 12:22 AM EDT reply actions
Merapi blew early this morning, per BBC. lava floes running down the mountain, but not too heavy on ash and ejected debris.
by Wooderson on May 16, 2006 6:59 AM EDT reply actions
Nate Newton may apply on equal stupidity. Taylor calls the cops on himself, and lets them search his car with a large quantity of marijuana in it. Not the brightest of the bunch from the police report. Newton got caught with 200+ pounds or so, was out on bond, and got caught with another 100+ pounds in the trunk. Again, not exactly a guy who’s trying to avoid trouble.
by Mr. Egger on May 16, 2006 9:31 AM EDT reply actions
RT knows….as Ricky and Bam know’s…It’s all about the weed friend in the Lone Star state….Peace out my brothers
by devilweed on May 16, 2006 3:12 PM EDT reply actions
Taylor didn’t have five pounds of weed. Police reports state that he had all of his weed in a Big 12 backpack.
you CANNOT fit five pounds of marijuana into a backpack.
Plus, all that has been released about the story is that Taylor had BETWEEN a QP and five pounds. If he did have five pounds, there’d already be reports of Taylor going to prison for 20 years on felony marijuana possession. Do not assume that he had five pounds on him just because that’s the maximum amount between 4 zips and five pounds.
Plus, five pounds isn’t exactly cheap. If it’s quality shit, then he probably had to shell out around 15-16K, money even a solid NCAA running back couldn’t get in CASH. If it was shwaggy, then I guess it’d all be believable. The weed’s just too dank in California. No wonder USC lost… they smoke better reefer. They were probably all high during the Rose Bowl. Higher than Ramonce Taylor on the Mexican Brick.
In short, Ramonce Taylor is a little bitch because he lost a lot of weed, and won’t be able to get high for a long time. Sucks for him. Oh yeah… that and his whole failing in life thing.
by Ramonce Taylor on May 17, 2006 3:15 AM EDT reply actions
so to clear up everyones confussion…i was with ramonce the night this all went down he is a dumbass him and one of his buddys jumped some dude in austin and jacked the weed his broke ass couldnt afford it then he brought it to his friends house in temple off of airport road and yes it was in a big 12 back pack and yes it was his. we all went to a party which was basically like going to a kkk rally so that might explain the 100 people versuse him and his few friends. i am not a friend of his just wrong place wrong time he is a piece of shit he called the cops and told them his window got busted and then once they found the weed in his car the arrested me along with 2 other people and began questioning us ramonce kept asking us to take it for him but there is no way in hell any of us was gonna do that and for the record there were 4 gallon size ziploc bags full and yes it was ramonce taylors
by joe schmo on Mar 11, 2008 3:06 PM EDT reply actions

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