Iowa scores a single Fulmer Cup point for freshman Ryan Bain’s alcohol possession citation early Saturday morning in Iowa City. (HT: Twinshawk.) Though no breathalyzer was administered, we’re guessing that because he’s a Hawkeye his BAC was just over the line…
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Before you view the latest awe-inspiring infographic from EDSBS Labs (”Where FORTRAN is still king!”,) you’ll need the key to make sure you understand the complexities of what your stunned eyes are looking at. The following is a graphic representation of fan unhappiness in the 2006 offseason as indexed for several prominent teams around the nation. None come from the West Coast, because you’re all just too blissed out there at the moment to worry too much about football. Also, no one’s really flailing too badly out there at the moment, though we’ll give Ty Willingham the benefit of the doubt in the long run–he could appear on this list quite early next season with a few embarrassing losses followed by long, luxurious weekday afternoons spent coping on the links.
EDSBS Labs: We leave Muppet Labs in the dust.
The key:
Harvey Korman as Hedley Lamarr= Dennis Franchione. Not only for the physical resemblance, but for the all-too-often self-proclaimed genius of the man. His mind is a-glow with whirling transient nodes of thought, careening through a cosmic vapor of invention. His defense, however, sucks, which in Texas is only acceptable in Lubbock.
Stay-Puf in Orange=Phil Fulmer. If you couldn’t guess this, then you must have stumbled onto this blog looking for “Brady Quinn shirtless.” There’s better sites for that.
Michigan Punts=Lloyd Carr. As in Lloyd’s favorite soup, Split Punt Soup. Or his autobiography, “Punt Punt Punt: A Punter’s Punt of Puntdom.” Or his favorite Kentucky Derby Winner, Punt Given. Or his favorite playwright, Harold Punter. As Lloyd would say: “Punt.”
Possessed Wannstedt= the Wannstache.
Uncle Fester=Larry Coker. Physical resemblance only, as we cannot confirm that Larry Coker banged Joan Cusack.
Elton John=Bobby Bowden. Really an insult to Elton, but a nod to Bobby’s tasteful hats and glasses ensembles over the last few years, along with a passing, “squint when drunk” resemblance to each other. A few Elton John song titles do come to mind, when we think of Bowden and FSU in 2006:
–”Sixty Years On.”
–”All the Nasties”
–”The King Must Die”
–”The Bitch is Back”
–”Have Mercy on the Criminal”
–”Screw You”
–”I’m Still Standing”
All data in this study was produced by Magnum, P.I., who just took your girl on a ride in the chopper with T.C. before seducing her on kayak in the moonlight.
Click below for the full chart: (more…)
The AJC had a gotcha! piece this past weekend on Urban Meyer keeping his playbook open for visiting coaching staffs to peruse during the college football offseason. Not surprising, really–most coaching staffs use the offseason as a kind of endless professional seminar, visiting other schools from the midgets of the mid-majors to the titans of the megaconferences to exchange ideas, crib notes on other schemes, and to dissect the new hotness in strategy while taking what they can back home to implement with their own teams. Testimony to the braininess of football as a game in general may be found here–how many other professions travel as far and wide as coaches do to learn better ways to do their job, much less figure out what other people are doing? Jewel thieves don’t put this kind of energy and detail into their work.
Kiss our ass, Sanjay Gupta: Neurosurgeons ain’t got shit on football coaches.
This attention, effort, and damage done to the arteries in the form of fast-food dinners on the road has to be spent carefully, of course; competition means that as you’re out destroying the menu at the Eat ‘N Park in Morgantown your adversaries could be doing the same in Gainesville, picking up the finer points of Urban Meyer’s variant of the spread. Picking carefully seems to be something that everyone does all at once, though, since there seems to be one or two places each offseason that coaches migrate to, like pudgy birds flocking to different watering holes. There are no secrets in coaching, only consensus on what’s working and what isn’t.
Which begs the question: why are coachbirds still flocking to Gainesville to peep Urban Meyer’s offense after a 50th place finish in D-1 offense last year? (more…)
USC tailback Chauncey Washington will be eligible next season after two years of being academically ineligible . Washington could be key to the Trojan’s chances next season as he tries to replace the production of Reggie Bush and LenDale White. No word on whether a house in San Diego comes along with his eligibility.
Texas A&M, which claims to have invented college football, the forward pass, tailgating, football stadiums and fan support, has settled its dispute with the Seattle Seahawks over their use of the term 12th man for the last several decades. Terms of the settlement are not yet fully disclosed but you can expect that A&M will receive some cash along with, and this is true, an agreement that a statement that the 12th Man is a trademark of Texas A&M University will be included on broadcasts that feature reference to Seattle fans as the 12th man.
Seattle’s 12th man, brought to you by Texas A&M.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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