YOU CAN'T PARK YOUR HORSE HERE, MISTER

The roving portal of interdimensional weirdness opened under Oregon State last season: assaults, paying cab drivers with bags of marijuana before beating them, and driving drunk while in the act of kidnapping gay sheep. We suspected that, like El Nino, it would open up again on a slightly different track and LO!--we were correct.

Frank Solich's GHB incident perked our ears, but now a firm sighting of the roving portal of interdimensional weirdness can be confirmed, a glowing green current flowing through the numerous one-way streets of Athens, Ohio that will likely be in control of events there for the forseeable future. The evidence: senior football player Cory Logan, arrested early Saturday morning for punching a police horse. (HT: Devil Grad)

Logan, after doing his best Alex Karras imitation, was charged with "persistent disorderly conduct," which we only wish we'd picked up as a charge at one point in our lifetime. Police were forced to resort to unorthodox methods to restrain Logan after conventional methods failed, utilizing a new method called a "Candygram" to subdue him.

If there is a better story than this during the remainder of the offseason, we will film ourselves eating a hat and post it for the world to see.

High times at Ohio U.

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