THING TO AVOID #492: SEVERE FACE TRAUMA

by Orson on May 1, 2006 10:05 AM EDT

Wisconsin defensive end Joe Monty's given us something new to avoid at all fucking costs: severe trauma to the face. Monty was traveling home at 2 a.m. on Friday night when he slammed into the back of stopped car and incurred injuries to his face, neck, and legs , including cuts to the face requiring over 100 stitches.

How you know this is an accident in a college town: both Monty and the driver of the car were cited for DUI, which sucks double hard for the other guy, who apparently was doing a fine job driving drunk when Monty plowed into him. This kind of nightmare is what keeps Bob Huggins up at night...drinking.

Drunk hits drunk: a perpetual tipsy cruiser's nightmare comes true.

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Traveling on his MOPED fer feks sake! This is rapidly crossing the line from tragedy to comedy.

by bitterhorn on May 1, 2006 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

How in the hell is Wisconsin ever going to keep up with tOAMU and Michigan with moped-riding D-linemen? Doesn’t anyone in Madison sell Escalades? Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick!

by DevilGrad on May 1, 2006 11:06 AM EDT reply actions

“But what if he shot you in the face?”

“That was a chance we were willing to take.”

by PSUrob on May 1, 2006 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

To be fair, let’s assume the moped was completely pimped…

by bitterhorn on May 1, 2006 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

does tOAMU stand for what I think it does?

by Wooderson on May 1, 2006 11:23 AM EDT reply actions

Well, the mopeds are quite popular down in Gainesville, but I can’t see those as being good in Wisconsin- I mean, when it’s 60 outside it can get a little brisk on one of those things, I can’t imagine when it’s -10 for a few months in a row.

by italiangator on May 1, 2006 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

Just thinking of Dumb and Dumber when we think of riding moped in sub-freezing temperatures. “That John Denver guy is full of shit…”

by Orson Swindle on May 1, 2006 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

You can’t triple stamp a double stamp! Lllloyd! Lllloyd!

by Phil K. on May 1, 2006 12:08 PM EDT reply actions

Madison has always been a moped-and-bicycle-heavy city, so this isn’t as surprising as one might think. That said, a defensive end on a moped conjures images of the fat Guinness Book motorcycling twins. Which, by the way, is what the kids call “comedy gold”.

by PeteJayhawk on May 1, 2006 12:31 PM EDT reply actions

does tOAMU stand for what I think it does?

If you were thinking THE Ohio Agricultural & Mechanical University (a.k.a., the Cow College on the Olentangy), then the answer is yes.

by DevilGrad on May 1, 2006 1:14 PM EDT reply actions

Actually I think a lot of players at UGA had Vespas, IE David Pollack. It was that side story and the fact that him and David Green had been gay lovers since 5th grade that were the lame human interest stories they showed before those guys played. Why aren’t these guys getting golf carts?

by Brian on May 1, 2006 1:24 PM EDT reply actions