Some of the best photoshopping around and a damn funny article covering the Cowherd bit may be found at MZone, who took pages straight from Thirteen Days and made their own Cuban Missile Crisis story out of one blog’s fight for hegemony in its own hemisphere. We look awfully short in that picture…

Joey, posting in his dual life on the internets on Schembechler Hall, revives the BlogPoll roundtable with this installment of searing, begging for topical ointment-urgent questions:

1. It’s early, but thus far, which offseason change or changes in college football are you most excited about?

Oh, without a doubt Myles Brand’s brilliant squad-size adjustment, since without it the University of Alabama would have been subject to academic violations this year, and thus could, without future improvement, have played a brewing revenge game against the Florida Gators in the Swamp this year that would have been wiped from the books when the penalties really started piling up on ‘em. We, as Gator fans, would reaaaaaallly like that one to leave a big smoking cattle brand in the record books, since it would not only avenge the 31-3 “re-education” in Tuscaloosa last year, but the three in a row they’ve taken from us dating all the way back to the Dubose Secretary era.

Here’s hoping he spanked her while wearing a Houndstooth hat.

Oh, you mean actual changes that mean something? Well, we can’t talk about anything connected to the NCAA, of course. Two things.

a. First, the overwhelming sense that the bowl system as we know it may finally have been written off by the parties of interest in college football. Not sure if this has any real empirical support here, but the television contracts and sponsorship moves seem to be building toward an eventual push toward a scaled-back playoff. Just a vibe thing; then again, we’ve been convinced since 2002 that Florida State’s Waterloo was just around the bend, and just like zombies, we’ve realized that in order for that to happen, the head must die first. And he’s still sort of there.

b. The continued blossoming of interconference scheduling. Like the retired comic book dork we are, we rejoice when the Ant-Men of the world (er, Vanderbilt) get to face off against the Hulks of the college football world (in this example, Michigan.) Tennessee/Cal, Colorado/Georgia, another blowouter in the Arkansas/USC series, and the most brutal of all intersectional games, Texas/OSU–when interconference games happen, there’s always some level of quirk raising them a few hairs above the average game. But when they happen in numbers, you start talking a base of comparison between regions, which fuels the message boards that fuel the blogs that…we’ve all agreed, indeed do something, though opinions vary on exactly what that something is. In netspeak, it’s more exotic content, and that’s never a bad thing for the college football fan.

2) With spring practice underway, what are the three concerns about your team that are causing you the most anxiety? (USC fans can’t just list the departures of Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and LenDale White.)

The three things that make us clutch out plush Danny Wuerffel doll in the middle of the night are:

a. O-line. Zone blocking sticks, or it doesn’t. Either way it’s the linchpin for the Meyer offense, which puts so many receivers in play across the field that quick reads and protection dictate everything. The line got younger, but it may have gotten better with a year to pick up the schemes and get the persistently winded line into better shape. With the protection covered, there’s the issue of…

b. The wife-ahhhing dude making the reads, Chris Leak. Leak’s storyline this year comes in one of three flavors. He could have the Powlus: highly touted recruit who never makes good on his promise thanks to institutional upheaval and general overspeculation on their talents. Leak may also have the Brodie: a highly touted prospect who makes good in an improbable senior run, overcoming the plague, a swarm of locusts, and whatever other demonic obstacles ESPN wants to put in a soft-focus collage about his perserverence. Or finally, Leak has the Carson Palmer vibe where he takes an unanticipated leap to freakdom, throws a decent Wonderlic score’s worth of touchdowns, and stiff-arms a stunned defender to the ground on an option.

That’s the prime rib scenario, but given what we saw last year, we’re expecting sausage.

Meyer, seen here telling Leak that if he slides again, he will rip a baby koala to pieces on the sideline.

c. The secondary, which should be getting fat checks from Jay Cutler for boosting his draft status into the upper reaches of the first round for allowing him to incinerate them last year in the Swamp. Seeing Kyle Jackson at safety has been like watching old footage of Pedro Guerrero playing first base: occasionally a comedy, sometimes a tragedy, but always an adventure. Dee Webb Avery Atkins has some fuzzy charisma about him, but besides Reggie “KBD” Nelson, there’s little to keep us from freebasing Tums in the offseason just thinking about them lining up against South Carolina and a very observant and pass-wacky opposing coach in November.

3) Care to take a stab at a preseason top five?

What the fuck–sure. Here’s who everyone else will put in their top five, saving our own stunning top five for later when we’re really, really starved for content.

1. Ohio State. The win over Notre Dame, Ginn, the emerging Troy Smith Heisman storyline…if this were a stock, it would be Krispy Kreme 2002 at this point. Buckeyes fans hope against hope that the glazed curse doesn’t follow them…Speaking of glazed…

2. Notre Dame. Why work, when you could just plug the two Fiesta Bowl participants into the first two slots? It’ll sell like Diet Crack in the press and give writers loads of “wake up the echoes” stories to mine until they lose to Michigan State, Michigan, etc…again. Rewake those echoes when they take one loss into a matchup with USC in LA and win.

3. Michigan. Evidence? Nope. Just putting them in their traditional slot, seemingly reserved for the by-definition-underacheiving Wolverines.

4. Texas. It’s good to be king, if only for the preseason. Defend positioning with “he may be a freshman qb, but (insert Texas qb here) is a VY clone.”

5. West Virginia. Another hottness pick that will go down in flames the first time the ‘Eers meet a team that can stop the run. They play in the Big East. Which means this won’t happen.

You know who does play in the Big East? The Wannstache, whose visage will close this roundtable in honor of an extremely spotty Mustache Wednesday posting:

Overjoyed to see Pat White running ramshod over his defense. Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

UVA’s caught the shitstorm bug in a hurry: fresh from tossing three football players off the team for various hip-hop related offenses (read: smoking weed), Al Groh’s got Michael Brown, a UVA football player, arrested with a Wahoo soccer player for breaking and entering at the Delta Upsilon frat house.

Besides multiplying the crotchety factor in the Groh household–which already sits at an unmeasurably high level by most measurements–the wave of arrests presents a clear market signal to VA rappers and self-proclaimed pharmaceutical entrepreneurs the Clipse: a “budding” market for them is waiting in Charlottesville.

Fulmer points: pending. Depends on whether or not

In case you didn’t know, they rap and sell drugs. It’s what they had to do.

Of all the things to end your life as a football player in Tampa…homesickness is being cited as the reason JUCO stud (there are no juco flops, remember, only JUCO studs) Frank Harry is leaving USF and going home. USF is now out one quality line prospect, and you’re busily searching for ways to shoehorn the name “Jukko Studz” into your screenplay about a motley team of commandoes who foil a Middle Eastern terrorist plot to blow up the moon.

Maybe he didn’t appreciate the natural beauty of Hillsborough County.

Real world interferes–dead drop in Jo-burg at eleven, stakeout at twelve, throwing in a little waterboarding at three just for the hell of it plus that report we’ve got to write up on Chinese missile guidance systems–but we’ll be back by the afternoon for a bit of patter before returning in full force tomorrow.

Like Our Man Flint, we’ve got some things to take care of.

Yes, we said we don’t pay attention to it, but sources have let us in on the fact that this bas-ket-ball sport is pretty popular, too. The University of Florida has even gotten in on the fad, showing that they’re ahead of the curve as always, fielding a squad that is among the four best in the nation.

This arrangement involves teams playing in a tournament to settle their dispute as to who is the most excellent in the land…a savage thought, to be sure, but it is a less civilized sport, to be sure. Long may our Poinsettia and Weed-Eater Bowls reign!

Deciding things by a tourney…savages!

Bruce Feldman is one of the very few writers on ESPN.com who actually could call himself a blogger without abusing the term. We mean that as a compliment, of course, since Bruce not only punchily sums up the college scene using a dizzying array of sources, but actually links to them in his thrice-weekly blog, a rarity on the WWL.

Bruce was kind enough to stop by the Brewhouse last Friday night and have a beer. (Feldman, it should be noted, not only bought us the beer, but defied sportswriter typecasting by not being a three hundred pound buffet monster/skinny, John Clayton nebbish. Feldman looks like he could kick your ass something solid.)

The interview sounds remarkably good for being in a bar, but be warned: someone in the interview thought it would be a good idea to get REALLY CLOSE to the mic to avoid the background noise. That someone is not named Bruce Feldman. We did cover the upcoming season, his background as a sportswriter, and his affinity for the unique flora and fauna of the Miami football scene. Much thanks to him for stopping by and talking with us.

After one of the all-timers last year for off-season tumult, including players stealing equipment from the South Carolina locker room, we knew things sounded just a little too idyllic in South Carolina. A blemish-free Cocks’ offseason pustules up as defensive end Shea McKeen and former linebacker Dustin Lindsay get tagged for FnDC in Columbia early last Friday morning. Lindsay, already booted from the team for failing out of school in January, is wanted by Columbia police for a veritable ODB-esque series of charges: disorderly conduct, trespass after notice and failure to stop on police command, all stemming from a brawl at a local bar called “The Pour House.”

Since Spurrier’s renewing his triannual vow to pay more attention to the defense (see: learning their names,) we have a suggestion: keep players away from bars with anything resembling the following list of names:

–”Paco’s House of Agents ‘n Coke Whores.”

–”McTipsy’s”

–”Overserv’d: Now with Collapsible Stunt Furniture.”

–”The Pour House”

–”O’Bombley’s: A Taliban Bar.” (Just to keep your players off the DHS watch list.)

–”Blasé’s on 7th: Now featuring ‘Shots For Tots’ Tuesdays!”

If she’s there, you probably don’t want your players there.

Fulmer Cup points awarded on full confirmation: 2, one for the fightin’, and one for the fleein’. (HT: reader Kevin M.)

Strike one for bloggers: Colin Cowherd will give MZone credit today for the Vince Young Wonderlic Test bit it lifted without credit last week, according to Gelf Magazine. ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz says of the snafu:

“As the internet continues to flourish and grow, these types of issues continue to spark discussion and constructive debate on how to best and properly incorporate the voice of the fan, which is a significant part of what (we) do here.”

Hmm…one could start by allowing your content to be the game and not the many-armed Cthulu that has become ESPN/Disney? Or allowing facts and outcomes to dictate television coverage? See: USC’s coronation, J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison winning their brackets because TEHY R ROXXtarZ, Tiger Woods in anything…

The voice of the fan has very, very little to do with ESPN in its current form. A corporation in an identity crisis does. Anyone out there planning on getting ESPN Mobile? Anyone?

T-shirts most fine, including one made just for Colin’s Monday.

UGA, tired of seeing its pristine lawns churned into muddy flats on gameday weekends, has prohibited all access for tailgaters before 7 a.m. on gamedays. The rules change resulted largely from the damage done by fans following last year’s Auburn-UGA game; given the outcome (a last-minute nutpunch of a loss for UGA,) the university should be happy with the fact that the stadium wasn’t torn down by hand.

The inevitable result of the restrictions will be a guerilla war between UGA officials and non-RV tailgaters (who park in a designated lot starting at 7 p.m. on Friday night at Athens.) It also means more havoc for the surrounding environs in Athens, which will bear the brunt of increased parking on their lawns and total strangers firing up Webers on their lawns. (Predicting spectacular, perhaps murderous incidents involving guns and lighter fluid. Bet on it)

Though the policy makes plenty of sense in many ways, here’s one twist we don’t get, taken directly from the rules as set by the now radioactively unpopular university president Michael Adams:

The new game day operations policy calls for family-friendly tailgate zones, where alcohol is prohibited.

Alcohol-free=family friendly? Maybe in Utah, but alcohol in the south is what binds families to each other, along with will agreements, guilt, and criminal histories. It’s what allows one generation to tolerate the next, and what turns otherwise mundane, casserole-festooned family get-togethers into events you’ll remember for years…from the inside of the Grundy County jail. Most idiotically, UGA is denying alcohol consumption to those who need it most: parents. For this alone, the policy will surely become a rank disaster.

Paul’s got his UGA perspective on Deacon Adams’ prohibitions here.

Mom and Dad need scotch.