replaced instead with a clenched-buttocked attack that appeared to consist of:

a. Shotgun draw
b. Five yard curls
c. TE post
d. (Most notoriously) The bubble screen

Replace the “shotgun draw” with a “four-yard slant” and you’d have Purdue’s .500-record-achievin’ offense the past six years, so Zaunbrecher should fit right in on Purdue’s soul-crushingly boring campus. Unbelievably, it wasn’t until a full-on pants-ing by ND on national TV this past fall before the rest of the world realized what a few savvy observers did about a year after Drew Brees graduated: defensive coordinators in the Big Ten and around the country have got Coach Brimley’s long-hyped “basketball on grass” scheme figured out, while he pretends it’s still 1998 and he can catch everyone by surprise…

Of course, that didn’t stop his Boilers from pounding my beloved into the turf on our last meeting two years ago, but the broader point still stands out as much as some leftover tomato soup in that cookie-duster of a mustache that Tiller sports…

Chris Leak’s career is looking a lot like Damon Bailey’s (Final 4 week token basketball reference) career right about now. Too much success to transfer, too little success to be all that satisfied.

Back on the subject, I think Zaun’ll do fine at Purdue as long as he heeds his new boss’s constant admonitions to eat his Quaker Oats every day. Unless of course Joe Tiller and Wilford Brimley really aren’t the same person, in which case my world has been rocked to its very foundation.