FULMER CUP: THE UPDATED BOARD

by Orson on Mar 31, 2006 4:00 PM EST

After a lull, a peppering of incidents necessitated a thorough updating of the Fulmer Cup scoreboard by our admin Big Mike. Courtesy of our benefactor, we present the updated full Fulmer Cup standings:

For the full list, check out this page, which has the beautiful sidebars complete with a new feature, "TEAMS ON THE BUBBLE." Mike does, for the record, have a penis so large he can block out the sun, a talent he's used to extort billions from helpless world leaders. (As part of his retainer fees for creating and maintaining the board, we have to say nice things about him on the blog, so there you go, Mike.)

Delaware, as you can see, is clearly the George Mason of our tourney, heads and shoulders above everyone else for the combined "breaking and entering/armed robbery/steroid robbery" incident they obviously cribbed from the lost drafts of a Tarantino or Darren Aronofsky script. Purdue's small but determined pattern of incidents still has them sky-high in the standings, but even now at the end of March we've yet to see major substantiated incidents from Tennessee, Florida State, or Miami. Brian noted the other day that this year's race for the BCS was "the most wide open college football has been." It appears this applies to the Fulmer Cup, as well, though any crimes that unseat Delaware at this point may require the calling of the National Guard, a raising of the DHS Alert Level, or the announcement of Defcon-1 by the Strategic Air Command.

Enjoy your weekend, and please do Football Outsiders a favor by stopping by and reading their story on NHL athletes and their very, very personal involvement with autism research.

Alabama fans, enjoy A-Day--it'll be the last time you see John Parker Wilson go through an entire game unharmed--we wish we could be there for the barbecue.

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You mean Defcon – Lower than 5…5 = peace time, lower numbers indicate threat.

by heath on Mar 31, 2006 4:35 PM EST reply actions

Corrected—our Cold War paranoia terminology’s a little rusty.

by Orson Swindle on Mar 31, 2006 4:37 PM EST reply actions

Thank God another post came up. I actually had to work today.

by Tommy on Mar 31, 2006 4:37 PM EST reply actions

I still think I-AA Delaware should have to compete in a playoff to win this thing.

Speaking of Div I, did y’all see the Indy Star reporting on how much student tuition and fees go to support Div I programs? The average public program gets $5 mil in subsidies from these sources. Here’s my take with the link to the story.

by Chris Lawrence on Mar 31, 2006 5:18 PM EST reply actions

Georgia had a member of its board of regents in a street brawl. That surely counts for something to break the tie.

by NewAZTiger on Mar 31, 2006 5:42 PM EST reply actions

Miami(OH) scored points? I must have missed the post where fashion faux pas counted as Fulmer Cup points.

by tony on Mar 31, 2006 8:20 PM EST reply actions

Who the fuck needs a quarterback?!? This is Alabama. Put four running backs in and forget about passing the ball. Bear Bryant played with the Notre Dame box. If it was good enough for the Bear, it’s good enough now.

by Newspaper Hack on Mar 31, 2006 9:15 PM EST reply actions

There are rumblings arising out of Durham. The Dookie lacrosse team may take the Fulmer Cup to a whole new level. I know, I know….innocent until proven guilty. But the Dookies should garner a few points right now for arrogance. The entire lacrosse team has refused to cooperate with the police investigation, and more than a few of its members have hired attorneys. Moreover, where the Hell were the lacrosse coach and the AD, Alleva, before this incident?

This from an article at ESPN.com:

“On Tuesday, the Raleigh News & Observer broke the story that 15 of the players — nearly a third of the team — had been charged in recent months with misdemeanors following drunken and disruptive behavior. For a variety of reasons, most escaped criminal convictions.”

Where was the discipline, the intervention? Is this a program out of control, or what? One thing for sure, it certainly doesn’t come close to adhering to the world-famous (at least to the Gator Nation) Urban Meyer “Living Right” standard.

J.J. Reddick was quoted today as saying that the Duke lacrosse players are a “great bunch of guys”. Well, perhaps the lacrosse players were just “cutting down the net”…..stockings, that is.

by darthgatorone on Mar 31, 2006 9:15 PM EST reply actions

You’d be surprised what gets swept under the rug. The swim team at South Carolina was involved in a whole mess of shit — when a guy from the team was caught being a serial peeping tom, it had the possibility of ending the program. But all that talk was the backroom, hush-hush type.

by Newspaper Hack on Mar 31, 2006 9:44 PM EST reply actions

Come on SEC, this has to be the quietest off season in the history of the South, keep it up and they will pull our Dirty status.

by VOLPIMP on Mar 31, 2006 10:50 PM EST reply actions

I love it, no Ohio State on the list. Tressel is really cracking down. When they win the BCS title this year there will be no more Mo Clarett talk. It will be 100% legitimate.

by go bucks on Apr 1, 2006 11:40 AM EST reply actions

I lost track of whether recruits count for Fulmer Cup points, but – if so – Kentucky recruit gets them on the board after being arrested for “allegedly beating up Hispanic farm workers and robbing them”

Not to be missed, in the same article, is this news:

Stiff winds pushed over the goal post on one of UK’s practice fields, marking the first time a goal post has fallen since the Cats’ win over Alabama in 1997.

by statprof on Apr 1, 2006 2:03 PM EST reply actions

Thanks for that flashback. The Pillsbury Throwboy beats a Mike DuBose team. I still say the DuBose picture at The Houndstooth should be turned upside down and defaced, like the Franchione picture, but they have yet to do it.

by Newspaper Hack on Apr 2, 2006 5:16 AM EST reply actions