As if Notre Dame fans didn’t already regard the rest of the football world from lofty heights while hang-gliding from one of their mountains of football gold to the other…their spring game will be sponsored by Chick-Fil-A, home of the tastiest chicken sandwich on the planet. Bastards! Florida’s spring game can’t come close, since Bushmaster can’t legally hand out free samples of their product in the stadium (though we know a guy named Duane in Starke who’d be more than happy to help you with your “security” needs, if you catch our drift.) The Kenneth Tookes Shooting Gallery promises to be a hoot, though, so bring the kids and don’t forget your ear protection!

Satchel Paige and Charlie Weis’ cardiologist might not think this such a great idea, since both have similar ideas about athletes and fried foods:

(1) Avoid fried foods which anger the blood

Anger in football’s good, right? That is, unless you’ve already had fatness surgery. So beware that good-looking dame tickling Charlie’s chins and force-feeding him chicken strip after chicken strip on the sidelines, Domers…she may be a spy!

Assassins wear a thousand disguises…we bet there’s a Michigan shirt under that suit.