YOU LUCKY BASTARDS

by Orson on Mar 22, 2006 5:11 PM EST

As if Notre Dame fans didn't already regard the rest of the football world from lofty heights while hang-gliding from one of their mountains of football gold to the other...their spring game will be sponsored by Chick-Fil-A, home of the tastiest chicken sandwich on the planet. Bastards! Florida's spring game can't come close, since Bushmaster can't legally hand out free samples of their product in the stadium (though we know a guy named Duane in Starke who'd be more than happy to help you with your "security" needs, if you catch our drift.) The Kenneth Tookes Shooting Gallery promises to be a hoot, though, so bring the kids and don't forget your ear protection!

Satchel Paige and Charlie Weis' cardiologist might not think this such a great idea, since both have similar ideas about athletes and fried foods:

(1) Avoid fried foods which anger the blood

Anger in football's good, right? That is, unless you've already had fatness surgery. So beware that good-looking dame tickling Charlie's chins and force-feeding him chicken strip after chicken strip on the sidelines, Domers...she may be a spy!

Assassins wear a thousand disguises...we bet there's a Michigan shirt under that suit.

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Here is ND’s 2006 Home Football Schedule and the new sponsors for each game:

Sept. 9 PENN STATE Sponsored by Philly Cheese Steaks (smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

Sept. 16 MICHIGAN Sponsored by Big Macs (smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

Sept. 30 PURDUE Sponsored by Cracker Barrell (biscuits smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

Oct. 7 STANFORD Sponsored by Girly-Man-Vegan Salad Place (smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

Oct. 21 UCLA Sponsored by Fat Burger (smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

Nov. 4 NORTH CAROLINA Sponsored by Fried Green Tomatoes (smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

Nov. 18 ARMY Sponsored by MREs (smothered in gravy to suit Weis taste buds)

(I know, I know, if I were more creative, I would have come up with better local choices…)

by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on Mar 22, 2006 6:40 PM EST reply actions

Dec. 27 MEINEKE BOWL – Sponsored by “Try a Human!” (smothered in gravy AND human excrement to suit all of fat Weis’ needs)

by Bonghit Gator on Mar 22, 2006 7:16 PM EST reply actions

Actual sponsors:

Penn State – Depends undergarments

Michigan – the Bro

Purdue – Quaker Oats

Stanford – PC Gameworld

UCLA – AutoToys aftermarket import spoilers

North Carolina – Tomacco

by Mike on Mar 22, 2006 7:31 PM EST reply actions

Wow, bonghit, neither humorous, nor intelligible…
Time to trim the mullet back, I believe it is making your brain overheat. At least your name is appropriate.

by Nick on Mar 22, 2006 9:23 PM EST reply actions

Oh, I get it. Charlie Weis is pretty fat. Stacy Keach Luvs Me and Bonghit have really added new twists to the tired Weis is fat jokes. Their originality and wit is rivaled only by tOSU fans referring to wolverines as scUM!

by scott on Mar 23, 2006 7:22 AM EST reply actions

Scott – Quit crying….Let the boys have some fun..

How about this one…When Charlie wants to get frisky with the Missus, he dabbles on some Aqua Velva, puts Sinatra on the eight track and …smothers her body in gravy to suit Weis taste buds….and is done 3 minutes later….

Back to my nap and prunes (no gravy it clogs me up bad)

by Harvey Wireman on Mar 23, 2006 10:10 AM EST reply actions

It was humorous to me and thats all that matters. BTW, saying that a mullet overheats ones’ brain is really intelligent.

by bonghit gator on Mar 23, 2006 1:12 PM EST reply actions

Well, bonghit, thanks for confirming the masturbatory posting style. The mullet joke is what we refer to as “hyperbole”. If you can read one, go look in a dictionary for the definition.

And you still haven’t explained what its supposed to mean.

by Nick on Mar 24, 2006 3:19 PM EST reply actions