Before your boss makes you sign the third copy of the company policy on internet use, have them read this article on Slate, which punches holes in the “if only we could chain them to their desktops theory of management. In other words: if you’re hemming and hawing over whether to read the CFN’s latest 135 part offseason timekiller…fuck it, read it AND print every last page on the company’s dime. That’s just how you do.
Go ahead, read every last page. Parker Posey would do it.
The offseason does provide a kind of Marvel Special Series for fans: the meetings and visits coaching staffs set up with each other during the offseason to pick brains, share ideas, and generally make sure they’re not totally out of the loop with the way most everyone else is playing the game around the country. When else do you get Bill Bellichick stopping by the University of Florida to swap notes with Urban Meyer? We obtained an excerpt of their conversation, and believe us, it’s a riveting exchange between two intense coaches.
Urban: How’s that? (squints into Bellichick’s face, turns mouth into tight frown.)
Bellichick: Pretty grizzled. But try not to look like you’re passing an ass-boulder so much. Think “determined and unsatisfied,” not “gotta lay off the cheese for a week or two.”
Urban: Okay, okay. (Looks down, shakes head.) Lemme lay this one on you. (Makes pissed-off face while pointing heroically at horizon.)
Belichick: Wow, that’s quality stuff Urb. Here, peep this. (Does not change expression, but merely puts on grey flannel hoodie and stares straight forward at Meyer.)
Urban: (Stunned.) That’s why they pay you the big bucks, man. Wow. Could you go stare at my tailbacks for a few minutes?
Oh, to be a fly on that wall…
West Virginia’s staff was in town this week, too, but we’re guessing the Mountaineers’ contingent didn’t include WVU head coach Rich Rodriguez, since we didn’t pick up any wire stories about Gainesville residents begging Rodriguez to move his mighty head and bring back the sun.
Who knew “coachrod.com” wasn’t a pornsite?
Jesus, we knew USC fullback Brandon Hancock was jacked, but Boi’s photos from the Trojans’ spring trot-through practices show a man whose clearly been hitting the weight room so hard the weight room has stopped hitting back. Oh, and a few “supplements” are probably thrown in there, too–perhaps Stallone High Protein Pudding with choice Mexican pharmaceutical additives? He looks like the West Coast’s answer to Dan Kendra, minus the Navy SEAL fantasies and amateur explosives accidents.
250 pounds of pudding. Awwwwww yeah.
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