RICHT ALLEGEDLY TICKETED FOR SPEEDING. DRIVING INSTRUCTOR NEEDED AT UGA PRONTO.

by Orson on Mar 2, 2006 12:23 PM EST

Really, we don't want to keep awarding them cheap points, but if UGA's driving woes--be they in the form of driving on suspended licenses, speeding, or other variants of not having your shit together behind the wheel--then they'll nickel and dime their way into the lead for the Fulmer Cup before the end of May. Mumbles on the Georgia board indicate that Coach Mark Richt, the last guy we thought would be in a hurry to go anywhere, was ticketed in Arcade, GA for going 62 in a 45. While Arcade is a notorious speed trap, we might have to award a single point for this because of the running gag that is Georgia's program-wide problem with driving legally. The only social subgroups we can think of that have more problems with getting behind the wheel in an organized fashion are:

1. Old people.

2. Rappers.

3. Country singers named "Glen Campbell."

Fulmer Cup score: deliberating on a single point, pending verification of story and a thorough debate on the validity of the points.

Attended the "UGA School of Safe Driving," evidently.

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I swear, it’s like we have a defensive driving class on campus taught by a team of elderly asian women.

Instructor feedback for all 85 football players and 10 coaches is the same…..“You good dwiva. You pass now.”

by paulwesterdawg on Mar 2, 2006 12:31 PM EST reply actions

are you serious? I just know that whenever I go to Georgia I’m going 90 on the freeway and the state troopers are overtaking me.

by Azher on Mar 2, 2006 12:39 PM EST reply actions

62 in a 45-zone? That’s a non-story if I’ve ever heard one.

by John on Mar 2, 2006 12:41 PM EST reply actions

No firearms, underage girls, or rotgut involved? Kinda disappointing.

by bitterhorn on Mar 2, 2006 12:45 PM EST reply actions

I am reminded of the quote from like every sports movie ever made where the impossible-to-root-for villainous overdog wins through skirting the rules or just being a general asshole or both, but finally sees the error of his ways: “I wanted to win . . . I just didn’t want to win like this.” Not that I wanted to win the Fulmer Cup, but damn, if we’re gonna win it then let’s do it with something truly spectacular.

Maybe it’s ‘cause I watched “Lord of War” over the weekend, but if we’re gonna win this thing, I want it to be because the feds find out that Martrez Milner is directing a multimillion-dollar gun-running operation out of his dorm room, and they arrest him in Bucharest or someplace at the controls of an Anotonov cargo plane stuffed to the gills with ex-Red-Army AK-47s and rocket-propelled grenade launchers. Just out of curiosity, Orson, how many points would you give for that?

by Doug on Mar 2, 2006 1:00 PM EST reply actions

This reminds me. Did Frank Solich’s DUI in Athens take place too early in the off-season to count in the standings?

by DevilGrad on Mar 2, 2006 1:05 PM EST reply actions

Don’t know where else to link this, but figured it somehow relates to the Fulmer Cup: PSU old school apartment mishap. Apologies if it was in the archive, but I figured a PSU player having shot an arrow through an apartment wall would have been discussed during the UF accidental discharge were it already known. (Read to the end, after the rape stuff.) Can retroactive FC points be awarded?

by irishdevil on Mar 2, 2006 1:05 PM EST reply actions

I feel like I need to go to Columbus or Knoxville this weekend and try to instigate a few bar room brawls to really get their scores going. Otherwise, I fully expect us to vault into an insurmountable lead when the entire offensive line gets ticketed for riding without a seat belt in Inman’s ’83 Ford F-150 after he gets pulled over for failure to signal a lane change.

by The Drizzle on Mar 2, 2006 1:41 PM EST reply actions

Glen Campbell? Don’t you mean George Jones? Anybody who drives a riding mower to the liquor store because his wife took away his car keys has to be mentioned.

by Devin McCullen on Mar 2, 2006 1:53 PM EST reply actions

Doug, we’d rename the cup if a UGA recruit did that.

by Orson Swindle on Mar 2, 2006 2:19 PM EST reply actions

Any farmers markets in the Athens area should be on the lookout for any Escalades coming their way…

by NoleinTexas on Mar 2, 2006 2:41 PM EST reply actions

the only question i would have about the Penn State bow and arrow incident is that if there were points for this, would there be points for the collective incident, or points for each individual arrow shot through the wall, as there were 33 of them.

by parker91 on Mar 2, 2006 4:36 PM EST reply actions