CRAZY PEOPLE USED AS FOOTBALL SECURITY
If the man rummaging through the wife’s purse at stadium security seems a little jumpy…well, there’s reasons for that. He’s seeing green tentacles coming out of the purse and really trying NOT to start screaming and taking his clothes off to please his secret alien overlords.
According to WSBTV, Contemporary Services Inc. has used mentally ill patients from the Columbus, Georgia based Greater Grace Community Center as security workers for Auburn, Georgia, and Atlanta Falcons games. (Massive HT: Todd) The residents were told they were working church events, then driven to events where Contemporary Services employees gave them instructions and put them to work. Wasn’t this in Wise Blood or a Carl Hiaasen book?
Berg, 32, said he has been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses including anti-social personality disorder, bipolar disorder and homicidal tendencies. He said Upshaw promised him $30 per game to go to the sporting events, but he never got the promised money. Berg said Upshaw would deduct $10 for gas to get to the event, another $10 for a meal ticket and dock an hour’s pay if he went to the restroom while working.
Sounds unusual, but crazy people have been finding employment at all levels of college football for years…
Awesome. Totally fucking nuts.
What? Me punt? Then the terrorists win.
Headbutting coke machines as we speak.
A real nut (cutter)
Not really crazy, but always funny.
Daquiris! The drink of champions!
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1
Andrew says:
Where’s Coach Leach? Are you trying to tell me he’s NOT crazy?
March 1st, 2006 at 10:46 am
2
italiangator says:
LMAO at the last caption- that combined with 80 degree weather today would seem to make this the quintessential day to declare: “It’s Miller Time.”
March 1st, 2006 at 10:51 am
3
JacketDan says:
Dude, being from Columbus let me point out that there are some seriously fucked up people at Greater Grace. I think they ship about 75% of the people that Section 8 out of Benning over to that place.
March 1st, 2006 at 10:53 am
4
BaggyPantsDevil says:
The recent suggestion that Woody was a bit off over at the M Zone drew heavy and bitter traffic from Buckeye fans. You folks might get away with it since you’re not a Michigan blog. Still, I’d expect some malicious comments from the faithful to be heading your way.
March 1st, 2006 at 11:35 am
5
Yost says:
Hey, if you guys need extra security at the EDSBS offices after mentioning Woody in such a way, let us know and we’ll send some over.
March 1st, 2006 at 12:57 pm
6
Doug says:
I, too, am a former Columbusite, and while I know little about Greater Grace or their business practices, I’m thrilled that my hometown is getting yet another chance to shine in the limelight. Dan, have you noticed that anytime Columbus shows up in the news, it’s never “Columbus researchers develop cure for AIDS” or “Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model remembers happy upbringing in Columbus”? It’s always “Source: Columbus funny farm hired out patients as security guards” or “Former Columbus neighbors remember axe murderer as ‘quiet loner’.” Still, we’ll always have the Miss Georgia pageant.
March 1st, 2006 at 1:25 pm
7
JacketDan says:
No kidding Doug. I’m telling you they could write a book about Columbus, GA’s dirty little secrets and it would be 100x more fucked up than Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil.
March 1st, 2006 at 1:29 pm
8
Stacey Keibler Luvs Me says:
Contemporary Services Inc. sends their worst mentally ill patients to teach at UGA.
March 1st, 2006 at 1:58 pm
9
Free Logan Young says:
Between Columbus, GA and Phenix City, AL — once known as “the most wicked city in America — you’d have a damn good back.
March 1st, 2006 at 4:54 pm
10
Free Logan Young says:
Uh, make that “book.”
March 1st, 2006 at 4:54 pm
11
Comanda says:
I understand that most of this website is in jest becauseI am not stupid. But PLEASE for the sake of my sanity (rapidly escaping at this moment…but that’s work related) stop referring to mental health facilities as funny farms. It’s ignorance at its worst.
March 1st, 2006 at 5:05 pm
12
"Belle" says:
Now I know where my firm finds the senior managment.
March 1st, 2006 at 5:09 pm
13
JacketDan says:
Comanda is right Doug. You should have used something a little more sensitive like Quack Factory or One Stop Lithium Shop.
March 1st, 2006 at 6:02 pm
14
Stacey Keibler Luvs Me says:
Comanda;
If you want to see ignorance at its worst, head on over to Austin, Texas where the Wonderlic scores are in single digits.
Actually, I used to be a nut job myself, until I started watching old episodes of the Gong Show…..
March 1st, 2006 at 7:13 pm
15
Buckeyenonomous says:
Make fun of Woody all you want. At the end of the day, he was a man that commanded a U-boat hunting destroyer in the North Atlantic during WWII. You’re simply a man that plays on his computer talking about a game that others play.
Who’s the real man between the two of you? Go upstairs and ask grandma. Perhaps, she can clue you in.
March 2nd, 2006 at 1:57 am
16
BaggyPantsDevil says:
Buckeyenonomous,
Actually, I’m a man who jumps out of airplanes and hunts down terrorists in really crappy Third World slums and extremely barren mountains. I just post sarcastic comments on the computer and make fun of Woody Hayes in my spare time.
Although I certainly respect Hayes’s wartime military service, the Navy is…well, the Navy. SEALS and aviators excluded, of course.
And, for the record, Hayes was the Executive Officer of the USS Rinehart. At the time, the Commander was “Jerry” Engle.
I just knew a Buckeye fan somewhere would get really pissed off.
March 2nd, 2006 at 12:15 pm
17
Russ says:
hee hee!
March 2nd, 2006 at 3:24 pm
18
Orson Swindle says:
We checked the IP address…Baggypantsdevil ain’t lying.
For the record, he is right, though. We didn’t pilot a subhunter in WWII hunting U-Boats. Pretty perceptive of him to pick that up. We were, however, working with the Burmese underground for the OSS against the Japanese. Totally pussy-ass stuff, we assure you.
Thanks for what you do, BPD, and for telling yet another troll to piss off properly.
March 2nd, 2006 at 3:30 pm
19
BaggyPantsDevil says:
Orson,
You’re more than welcome. Thanks for a highly entertaining blog, it sure helps getting through the day sometimes. Buckeye trolls are just irresistible to me. Go Blue!
And, the sound you hear tonight is the government black helicopters hovering above your house. They’re just checking up on the attempted intrusion into the network here. They won’t be there too long.
March 2nd, 2006 at 4:40 pm
20
Orson Swindle says:
Thanks for getting the song “Unmarked Helicopters” by Soul Coughing off the X-Files soundtrack stuck in our head. Dammit…the lord is coming soon…
March 2nd, 2006 at 5:08 pm
21
BJ Strykker says:
What’s so crazy about Woody Haynes? And who is he? Is he the guy in the first picture who looks like LBJ?
March 3rd, 2006 at 3:03 pm
22
matsut says:
Thanks for a most entertaining site – I found out about it from an alternative weekly here in Columbus (Ohio, that is) that did an article about this site and Tressel’s World. Cheatypants McSweatervest – verry clever, though I prefer the nickname “Senator” Tressel (which I might have made up, I don’t know). The guy can say less in more words than a roomful of Joe Bidens.
Still, hard to argue with success…Yost and BaggyPants (of the M-Zone) will have to satisfy themselves with their senses of moral superiority, I suppose, given the actual inferiority of their football coach/team in recent seasons…
One last thing, in regard to the “unlikeability” of Tressel: I’ve actually met the man, as well as his two most recent predecessors, and two of the last three basketball coaches. This was while I was the night manager of an OSU-area hotel. Of the five, I met Tressel in the least public setting, just after he was hired, returning to his room at the hotel (he hadn’t moved his family from Youngstown yet) after midnight, obviously having spent a long day traveling to meet with recruits. There was no reason for him to be polite with me, let alone friendly but he was both, and much more so than any of the other coaches I’d met. He seemed to be a genuinely decent guy.
You all can knock his gee-whiz, ultra-wholesome, holier-than-thou persona all you want – it bugs me sometimes, too – but don’t pretend for a second that his program’s any dirtier than anybody else’s, or that anybody in the country deserves a nickname with “Cheaty” in it any less than he does.
March 3rd, 2006 at 6:38 pm
23
Scott says:
matsut -
Troy Smith and Mo C’s actions say otherwise. Cheaty earned his name.
And Woody was a loon.
March 4th, 2006 at 5:51 pm