The 7th Floor Crew comes to Gainesville! Miami and Florida will pick up their sporadically scheduled rivalry again in 2008 and 2013, dates which may as well be three thousand years in the future for the college football fan stuck surfing the airwaves for shreds of arena ball and the occasional ESPN Classic game. (UNC-Virginia ‘02! THANK YOU SWEET JESUS!) Since both admins seem to be reluctant to schedule this one consistently, we’ve put together a few things they might have overlooked as potential Miami/UF weekend pregame festivities.

–The UF/Miami Academic challenge, where Miami athletes would be asked basic skills questions while Florida players from University High School will be asked to compete in challenging activities like “Connect Four,” “Chutes and Ladders,” and “Candy Land Supreme.(Now with challenging pastels!)” (Note: changed due to undue cheap shot on ‘Canes. Yes, we just wrote that.–ed. )

–The 7th Floor Challenge, where the lucky ladies of both school will finally get the gangbanging they evidently crave from the 7th Floor Crue, who see nothing gay at all about having sex with a woman in front of a number of their friends.

–The Larry Coker Men’s Fashion Show. ¡Caliente!

–The Mossberg Gatorcane Marksmanship Exhibition, where volunteers from both teams show off their shooting skills by peppering old police cars, empty apartment complexes, and whatever else strikes their fancy with armor-piercing rounds. Participants will compete for the charity of their choice, with the prime beneficiary being the Dee Webb Youth Foundation, also known as “Gats for Brats.”

Just warming up for UF/Miami ‘08, that’s all.