Oookay.

Do you even know where State College is? It’s a little difficult to consider a city in the middle of an original colony “midwest”. (Is D.C. “midwest”?)

I knew some college football fans had problems with geometry, but really, that’s bad.

you just keep telling yourself that, Pat.

That Stacey K.L.M. is a joker. He would probably score lower on the Wonderlic than Texas’ Vince Young’s 6, or 16.

Plus, Ms. Kiebler loves ME and not him!

Penn State may be many things, but it’s at least 100 miles east of the midwest.

To keep the fun going, I will answer your question. I am writing from a warm part of the country on the coast. Beautiful weather, beautiful women and of course civilization. Unlike your neck of the woods, where you are right now, wishing you were somewhere warm, such as Florida or California. We see your pasty, flabby selves every day, vacationing over here, in our back yards. (Notice, none of us go on vacation to your dreary part of the country, unless it is to see relatives from days gone by, before we had the opportunity to escape.) So, Vidal made the right choice. At State Penn, he would be stuck not knowing the difference between the cheerleaders and the women’s sumo wrestling team. At State Penn, or another dreary team in the mid-west, he would be doing his workouts in sub-freezing weather. Whereas at USC, his hardest choice will be either to go out with this beauty or that one on perfect sunny day. Plus, that blowhard father of his will be 3,000 miles away.

State Penn got the you-know-what. Probably, the bone-headed father was promised an Escalade or something from the State Penn boosters, and now he has jack-blank.

Once a young man has seen the lights of Hollywood, there is no way he will go to the cow pastures of State Penn in the north east, or of other dreary midwestern joke towns.

Those weenies at Neutered Dame will probably now call Pete Carroll the ‘Shark’ instead of the ‘Poodle’, which is more appropriate.

I mean, it’s fine when you guys do it, but Scout and Rivals – they’re supposed to be, you know, like, professional and stuff. Next thing you know they’ll be boosting a candidate’s star rating because of “obvious future Fulmer Cup potential.”

The valid letter was sent Thursday. Someone on the USC staff leaked the news to the Orange County Register. The paper reported it in its online edition and the saga was, in effect, over.

Dexter Hazelton was reportedly livid.

No word on whether he contacted the Penn State staff to inquire about his son transferring.

(the latter portions are, of course, the snarky portions)

They then go into this weird diatribe where they point out that Hazelton didn’t ever really need his father’s permission to go to USC, which I don’t think was the point. I think his dad was trying to keep him from making a decision he’d regret. Obviously kids don’t need a parent’s permission to go to a school.