TURDGATE UPDATE: DAWG ARRESTED FOR BEING FULL OF CRAP
In our favorite story of the offseason thus far–TURDGATE!!!–another shocking development: Ian Smith, the allegedly 21-year old UGA backup offensive lineman who fell asleep drunk on the toilet at an Athens restaurant, turns out to be just that: allegedly 21. Smith already had a public intoxication charge, and may now add giving false information and underage possession charge on top of that since Smith is actually 21 minus 2. Smith went from being full of shit to standing neck deep in it. (Whole offseason worth that sentence alone.)
Fulmer Cup scoring as follows:
Underage possession: 1 point.
Lying to cop: 1 point.
Police prodding you with nightstick as you slumber drunkenly on a toilet after passing O-ring destroying, eye-bulging turbo dump: 1 point (style counts.)
Second arrest: 1 point (A second arrest has to count for something, right?)
Total points awarded: 4. Appeals may be filed below.
The official universal logo of TURDGATE ‘06, courtesy of Georgia Sports, who’s squatting on this story like a pro.
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1
bitterhorn says:
Can the teabag photos be far behind?
February 24th, 2006 at 10:02 am
2
PSUrob says:
Was he “yokozuno’d”?
Also, was the fecal evidence caught on film? Possibly at: http://www.ratemypoo.com
February 24th, 2006 at 10:28 am
3
Dawgnoxious says:
I’d like to appeal the Fulmer Cup point assigned for the second arrest. I think it unfairly penalizes The Big Plopper for the shoddy police work of the Athens Police Department. It all flows from the same transaction, so to speak. It amounts to double-doody jeopardy.
February 24th, 2006 at 10:56 am
4
Doug says:
I’m curious as to how we know the loaf Ian pinched was a “O-ring destroying, eye-bulging turbo dump.” Did the ACC cops follow proper evidentiary procedure in procuring and storing the turd? Do we know for a fact that the commode was completely empty before Smith sat on it and began his business? If the answer to the second question is “no,” then I fully expect Smith to begin a highly public nationwide search for “the real shitters.”
Anyway, if “Turdgate” doesn’t catch on, we can always give a shout-out back to the Clinton days and call it “Brownwater.”
February 24th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
5
DevilGrad says:
If it’s not his shit, you must acquit!
February 24th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
6
paulwesterdawg says:
DevilGrad, you are my hero.
February 24th, 2006 at 1:53 pm