TURDGATE UPDATE: DAWG ARRESTED FOR BEING FULL OF CRAP

by Orson on Feb 24, 2006 8:53 AM EST

In our favorite story of the offseason thus far--TURDGATE!!!--another shocking development: Ian Smith, the allegedly 21-year old UGA backup offensive lineman who fell asleep drunk on the toilet at an Athens restaurant, turns out to be just that: allegedly 21. Smith already had a public intoxication charge, and may now add giving false information and underage possession charge on top of that since Smith is actually 21 minus 2. Smith went from being full of shit to standing neck deep in it. (Whole offseason worth that sentence alone.)

Fulmer Cup scoring as follows:

Underage possession: 1 point.
Lying to cop: 1 point.
Police prodding you with nightstick as you slumber drunkenly on a toilet after passing O-ring destroying, eye-bulging turbo dump: 1 point (style counts.)
Second arrest: 1 point (A second arrest has to count for something, right?)

Total points awarded: 4. Appeals may be filed below.

The official universal logo of TURDGATE '06, courtesy of Georgia Sports, who's squatting on this story like a pro.

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Comments

Can the teabag photos be far behind?

by bitterhorn on Feb 24, 2006 9:02 AM EST reply actions

Was he “yokozuno’d”?

Also, was the fecal evidence caught on film? Possibly at: www.ratemypoo.com

by PSUrob on Feb 24, 2006 9:28 AM EST reply actions

I’d like to appeal the Fulmer Cup point assigned for the second arrest. I think it unfairly penalizes The Big Plopper for the shoddy police work of the Athens Police Department. It all flows from the same transaction, so to speak. It amounts to double-doody jeopardy.

by Dawgnoxious on Feb 24, 2006 9:56 AM EST reply actions

I’m curious as to how we know the loaf Ian pinched was a “O-ring destroying, eye-bulging turbo dump.” Did the ACC cops follow proper evidentiary procedure in procuring and storing the turd? Do we know for a fact that the commode was completely empty before Smith sat on it and began his business? If the answer to the second question is “no,” then I fully expect Smith to begin a highly public nationwide search for “the real shitters.”

Anyway, if “Turdgate” doesn’t catch on, we can always give a shout-out back to the Clinton days and call it “Brownwater.”

by Doug on Feb 24, 2006 11:02 AM EST reply actions