COACHES' DEATH MATCH: BUNTING V. ALVAREZ

Alvarez once served as an assistant coach under Lou Holtz (a Burgess Meredith / Rocky cornerman look-a-like if there ever was one), so no doubt Holtz acquainted Alvarez with Holtz’s deadly ‘referee sleeper hold’ headlock, this provides a definite advantage for Alvarez.

Neither Alvarez or Bunting has ever ‘won the big one’ and made their program a perennial power. Alvarez has won a few big games, so again advantage Alvarez.

Is there a way both guys can wrestle to a draw? Neither coach will win.

This could be a close one. Barry has the advantage of being able to vent massive amounts of toxic cheese-farts (sniff is that a garlic cheddar?), but Big John might be able to maintain some distance if he’s allowed to bring the 2×4 into the ring. Almost too close to call. Awww screwit, advantage Bunting cause of the ’stache.

i think the wrestling bikini comes into play, either to alverez’s advantage or to the crowd’s disadvantage. probably to both. i really can’t see bunting doing anything even remotely positive. though maybe his complete lack of coaching ability is made up for by mad fighter skilz.

This is about as lopsided as the Weis-Carr matchup. The only thing Bunting has going for him is his stache (which is quite formidable).

John B., did I mis-read what you posted or did you just suggest that Bunting has turned UNC into a perennial power? With a record of 24-36-0?

Now that Barry’s retired, he can focus his energy on the fight. It has to be Barry as I have an irrational hatred for all things carolina blue.

Wow….That totally describes Bunting.

No way Bunting hangs in with BA past round 1. Barry has size, strength, and (according to the introduction) he doesn’t fight like a complete spaz.

I think Bunting, much like his team, will come out swinging wildly, hoping for something good to happen, but it won’t. Alvarez will disect him in the middle of the ring, moving just enough to keep Bunting from doing any damage.

The final blow will come as the time keeper signals the final 10 seconds. At that point, after landing blow after blow to Bunting’s face, Alvarez will grab him by the stache with his left hand and behind his head with his right and give him a face smashing head-but — taking the right side of Buntings stache and the bridge of his nose with him.

In the end it will be the shiney head over the fluffy stache.

Moin…

I meant that neither coach has made their program a perennial success. Even Alvarez’S teams have been sporadic, winning Rose Bowls and then tanking later. Wisconsin is better than they ever were, but not a year in and year out contender in the Big Ten.

UNC isn’t even a contender most years.

Oh I see, mostly I agree with your assesement, save 1 point: There a HUGE difference between the non-perennial-ness of Alvarez and that of Bunting. It’s like the difference between… between… You know what? I don’t have an adequate analogy to compare the gulf of coaching skill and acumen that separates these 2 men and their programs.

Bunting is awarded 1 point for possession of the soup strainer, but Barry earns 2 points for a quick takedown and exposure, and gets the win immediately thereafter with a pin.

Result: Alvarez by fall.

Moin:

I actually have quite a bit of respect for Alvarez…he churned out some good teams at Wisconsin in the form of a couple of Rose Bowls and UW were contenders many years in the Big Ten (and he did so at a a school that is not exactly riddled with football tradition). It just seemed that his teams were never feared by the likes of Michigan or Ohio State, and UW’s good years were often coupled with bad seasons at UM or OSU.

As many good seasons as Alvarez had, he also had a lot of seasons where he lost to the likes of Northwestern. He just wasn’t feared by the biggies (in or out of conference) most years.

I do think that Alvarez would have been a good fit at a school with a better football tradition, but I think he felt comfortable at UW. Notre Dame (at the time) would have been a good fit for him instead of Ty, in my opinion.

Bunting on the other hand…good Lord, Chapel Hill HS doesn’t even fear the Tar Heels most years.

John B.
I agree. Alvarez would have been a perfect fit for ND. If I recall correctly, his name was linked with both the ND job and the Miami(FL) job after Davis bolted, had he taken either job his legacy might have been more substantial (nationally at least). As for what he did at UW, well, at the risk of sounding cliched, he did “turn the program around”. If the new guy (whose name I still can’t spell) is as capable as Alvarez, I see UW becoming a perennial contender down the road.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/ncaa/02/22/bc.fbc.academy.rapechar.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

Navy takes front and center in the race for the Fulmer Cup!

Channeling the spirit of James Dalton, Bunting charges from his corner, 5 seconds before the opening bell and delivers a devastating blow to the back of Alvarez’s skull, sending him to the floor.

In keeping with his Roadhouse training, Bunting leans over the felled beast and begins fondling Alvarez’s throat. In one swift motion, Bunting rips what he believes to be the adams apple from Alvarez’s throat and holds it high above his head.

Upon closer inspection, Bunting realizes that what he holds in his hand, is not an adams apple, but rather, an apple turnover from that morning’s breakfast.

Before he can react, Alvarez vomits a viscous blend of cheese and nougat over Bunting, rendering him immobile. As the digestive enzymes contained in the ooze begin to breakdown Bunting’s tissues, Alvarez signs autographs for the cheering crowd. Between signatures, Alvarez returns to the marinated carcass to tear off tender chunks of Bunting’s torso and dip them into a vat of tzatziki sauce.

Philly Gator, you get INTO this shit. Great comment, as usual.

I know I’m old, but I’ve seen this a few times now and have no clue what the hell it means. Can someone explain “teh suxors” to me?

Damn…too late to suggest UT’s sweaty basketball coach. I know he’s hoops and not football, but man, anyone who sweats like that deserves a shot at the title.

The only thing that makes up for it is Philly Gator’s reference to Tzatziki sauce.

Good match up, but Bunting prevails in the end. Alvarez is out of shape due to his short retirement. OK, so he’s never really been fit, but that’s not the point. Being retired from coaching catches up to him in this one, and Bunting finishes him off in 2 rounds.

My personal feel though is that we should all feel sorry for Bunting. He coaches football at a basketball school. That’s a fate worse than being forced to sleep with Janet Reno every night.

Barry Alvarez is not from Burgertown, PA, but that sounds like a fun place. He’s from Burgettstown… less fun. I know because I also grew up there. We had one non-functioning overpass, on which someone spray painted the words GOD OUR LORD SAVE THIS TOWN FROM BOREDEM.