STILL SMOKIN': AHMAD BROOKS OFF UVA FOR POSITIVE DRUG TEST

Virginia linebacker and former Butkus Award candidate Ahmad Brooks is off the team for the spring due to a positive drug test, say sources close to the Virginia program. Though the article can't really come out and guess it, Brooks was charged with marijuana possession in 2003, and does reside in the Virginia area, so we'll just come out and guess that Ahmad was hitting that purple, that purple, that purple. Note that he's gone for the spring, which means he'll be ready to go for fall no problem provided he can refrain from smoking marijuana in public with a shirt reading "Ahmad Brooks is the name, smoking reefer's the game."

UVA shall be awarded one Fulmer Cup point for the positive drug test, which is really an associative point since Brooks hasn't been charged with anything. Yet a program should get the point simply for reminding us of anything remotely related to Mystikal or the Three Six Mafia, whose pot-smoking epics "Still Smokin'" and "Stay High" both cranked up in our heads when reading the Brooks article. Which reminds us to clarify a point for Young Buck, who in "Stay High" posits that:

Gotta keep one eye up on the po-po, close the window
when I roll the indo
Know they mad, cause I'm rollin Benzo

At the risk of sounding really, really square here: they're mad because you're driving and rolling kielbasa-sized joints at the same time, which is far from legal and obligates them to pulling you over and filling out reams of paperwork after arresting you. It's us who's mad because you're rolling Benzo, because we're haters like that who can't sleep when we think about how you shine at the club and steal our hoes. Damn you Young Buck!!! (shakes angry fist)

What we see in our sleep: Damn you Young Buck!!!