Having had no real accomplishments on the field in our lifetime, Texas AM is forced to relish in their admittedly bad ass 12th man traditions. To protect all that is holy and dear to the Aggies, the University has gone all Pat Riley on the the Seattle Seahawks’ collective asses by filing suit seeking to enjoin them from promoting the term 12th Man in reference to their frontrunning fanbase that suddenly has caught football fever.
Last Friday, we thought we might actually get off our ass and talk to someone who may know what they’re talking about in the brutal, Darwinian landscape of recruiting. Jeremy Crabtree of Rivals.com talked with us for a while about the time and a half hours recruitniks put in, the programs cleaning up on the road this year, and which programs seem to be losing a step in the handshake wars.
OS: How much have you been on the road lately?
JC: Let me put it this way: my little girl is five and a half months old, and for the first eight weeks of her life I was on the road for four of them. So, yes, a lot.
OS: Who’s whiffing in recruiting this year, or at least not getting their usual results?
JC: Lots at teams with a record of prior success. Virginia Tech’s not in our top 25 and they’ve always been there. They recruit a great state, they’re a great program, and I’m surprised they’re not there. Oregon’s usually big in southern California but this year it’s hard to discern what they’re doing there. Both NC State and UNC’s lack of presence in North Carolina—a state with loads of talent—is odd to me. For NC State the loss of Doc Holliday to Florida probably has something to do with that. He’s a great recruiter.
Tubercular, but effective.
OS: Who’s making a great debut?
JC: Well, you can’t exactly call it a debut, since he was such a good recruiter at Southern Cal, but Ed Orgeron at Ole Miss has surprised a lot of people. He’s an established recruiter, but he’s building a very good class there despite not having a lot of wins coming out of the season.
(more…)
Up in Deham, Mass. a dominatrix know as Mistress Lauren M was cleared manslaughter and of dismembering a corpse to conceal the death. The 53-year-old misbehaver suffered a heart attack in 2000 during a bondage session in a “dungeon” in which he was strapped to a replica of a medieval rack. The dominatrix was accused of leaving him on said rack for upwards of five minutes without doing anything to help. Apparently the spankee forgot the safety word in the midst of his infarction. Here’s where it gets really weird. Following the death, Prosecutors claimed that had the dominatrix had her boyfriend chop up the body of the 275-pound man and then they dumped it behind a restaurant in Maine. His remains have not been found.
Does this look like fun to you?
We’ve been accused of being Ohio State “haters.” Untrue–we just dislike Jim Tressel, who we think is as fake as tits on a badger. We should also mention that we don’t hate Tressel, either. No, we’ve seen what that looks like, and it’s not pretty. For the record, we hate Bobby Bowden, whose evil is both older, more established, and more formidable than Tressel’s Pastor of Disaster act will ever be.
Bucks fans: we hate this guy, not Cheatypants. Unlike Bowden, Cheatypants does NOT think Saturday night’s all right for fighting.
This guy, however, does hate Jim Tressel. We imagine he has a Michigan degree, or is named Maurice Clarett, which would explain why he writes posts with titles like “It’s A Pity You Can’t Stab Real Hookers.” Give him credit where credit is due, people: at least he understands that the word “hooker” has been scientifically proven to be funnier than “prostitute.” (Via Will at Deadspin.)
We’d love to have some excuse to really, really slam Tom Lemming for being Tom Lemming. He makes his life from watching high school football and hanging around guys who, in his high school days, likely would have poached the waistbands off his skivvies on a daily basis. We bet that for access to a blue-chipper Lemming would likely let a prospect do that to him today.
But reading the transcript of recruit Myron Rolle’s testimony to the Knight Commission, we can’t say that what Lemming did in THIS instance sounds all that scurrilous:
“He told me if I kept Notre Dame in mind, the NBC (TV) guy would interview me and they would showcase me during the game. He told me I’d have a higher chance of being MVP. I took it as having less of a chance of getting MVP if I didn’t keep Notre Dame on my list.”
True dat–NBC’s the network that owns the ND television contract, and it goes to absurd lengths to sell the brand. (”Check out the special episode of Joey tonight where that hot chick from the Sopranos gets a crush on her babyfaced neighbor–Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn!!!”) This makes enough sense on its own, and would signal that Lemming, though overstepping his bounds as a mere “analyst,” was at least talking some cynical sense into recruits attempting to spin the process their way.
But Lemming refuses to be smart and instead categorically denies the whole conversation, turning the analysis into a kind of bullshit scoreboard: recruits (Myron Rolle, Lorenzo Booker) 2, Lemming 1. It’s a game he can’t win, and Lemming’s descent from national prominence and a one-time ESPN gig will likely accelerate as a result. We’ll pause as you wipe the tears from your bleary eyes.
Lemming: running off a cliff of dumb.
What has become undeniably clear here: Lemming may or may not be a Notre Dame shill, but he sure as hell is anti-FSU. Perhaps they denied him a spot at the buffet, or very possibly Lemming has a conscience and wants to warn recruits away from the Crayola playbook of Jeff Bowden. Either way he retains a sort of plausible deniability, since FSU has taken several high profile offensive talents over the Jeff Bowden reign and turned them into draft day turnips, a difficulty reflected in this year’s recruiting. Would any sane recruiting analyst, pressed to advise a young man on his choices, declare them to be a good choice for an offensive player looking to make the NFL? And would any ethical recruiting analyst cross that line? Of course not, which is why “Tom Lemming” and “ethical” don’t appear in the same sentence without irony or a prominent “NOT” in front of the adjective.
Addendum: we typed that first bit quickly, so we naturally forgot some salient points here (we swear we have a few.) First, fault on Lemming for being so cynical about scholarship offers. (more…)
Rage on, Auburn fans. But you know this is fucking funny. You just know it is:
Nightmares. We’ll have them for a month after this.
Check out the explanation at MZone.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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