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Around SBN: The Amateur Mathematics Of Linsanity

WE MUST NOT IGNITE THIS COUCH

In a move to curtail Morgantown's favorite celebration tactics, legislators in West Virginia are considering new arson legislation that would make it punishable by up to 2 years in the pokey to set a fire in a public right of way. Now, can they take up the issue of Urine bombs?

Enjoy this scene... it may be a relic of college football's past.

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I would think igniting the coach would already be illegal, but then it is West Virginia.

by bitterhorn on Jan 27, 2006 2:09 PM EST reply actions  

“We must not ignite this coach.” Did you mean couch? I suppose refraining from torching an athletic department employee has its merits, too.

by Cheese on Jan 27, 2006 2:24 PM EST reply actions  

Oooops! But that would be much more humerous if their statute was addressing that problem.

by Stranko Montana on Jan 27, 2006 2:27 PM EST reply actions  

This is The Conscience of a Nation

Looks like West Virginia is in for some excitement after all. What’s the logical next step from burning couches? Why, devil worship, of course! That’s why God hates West Virginia.

Fred Phelps and his “God Hates Fags” followers are planning to protest at the funerals of two miners who died. They claim that “idolatrous West Virginians – led by demagogs and false prophets – practice necromancy, light candles to the devil, worship those long dead and in Hell, and threaten God’s messengers with bloody violence and death.”

Ummkay.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 27, 2006 3:05 PM EST reply actions  

I really hope Phelps does travel to West Virginia. He’a a hell of a lot likely to leave there than most places he goes. Apparently, nobody taught that fool not to mess with a breed of people equally adept at handling snakes, fifths of whiskey, and shotguns.

by DevilGrad on Jan 27, 2006 3:16 PM EST reply actions  

Don’t hate on burning couches. My sister has left Columbus to become an intellectual snob at UChicago but she confided in me that after the UMich-OSU game she always has an incredible urge to set furniture on fire and launch it off the roof of her apartment. I mean seriously where would we be without at least wanting to display our fandom by setting furniture on fire?

by Azher on Jan 27, 2006 3:24 PM EST reply actions  

I’ve got a question. The law will state that you aren’t allowed to set a fire in a public right of way, right? Well, what constitutes a public right of way?

This could be a technicality, but I can’t imagine that everywhere would be considered ‘public right of way’. Maybe they could start by designating certain areas to be special “Couch Burning” Zones. Then, citizens wanting to steer clear of any couch burnings could just refrain from ever passing through these designated zones. It’ll be similar to how there are designated smoking areas in airports, except that this kind of smoking would involve rowdy co-eds and pieces of furniture.

by rebel84 on Jan 27, 2006 3:30 PM EST reply actions  

At the risk of my IT department flagging me as, well, evil, I just went to good ol’ Fred’s site. Holy crap, that dude is crazier than I’ve heard. Did you know Reggie White was in hell?

by Bullfrog on Jan 27, 2006 4:09 PM EST reply actions  

“Public right of way” means areas (read: streets) owned by a governmental unit for transportation purposes. So basically, no couch burning in the street. Couch burning on private property could be covered by whatever city ordinances Morgantown has concerning outdoor fires.

by Joe on Jan 27, 2006 5:58 PM EST reply actions  

Fred Phelps and his crew set up shop in Phillipi, WV – a town in a different county from the Sago mine. He and his group had to be escorted from the town by the West Virginia State Police “for their own safety”. Everyone knows that you don’t tell people in coal country – people that are strongly in favor of the second amendment and who are extremely homophobic — that the brave men who work in the mines to support their families and that just lost their lives are gay. It’s just a bad idea.

As for the original post, the WV state legislature consists of a bunch of crazy old coots that like to get involved in EVEYRTHING that has anything to do with WVU. Hence the 7 game series with Marshall that starts in 2006. Burning couches may not be safe, nor does it make sense, but it gets us on CNN.

And the “couch burning zone” is called Grant Street.

by Al on Jan 30, 2006 11:01 AM EST reply actions  

First of all, in my opinion, WVU students should be free to burn couches in Sunnyside from time to time if thatÂ’s the way they choose to let off a little steam (no pun intended)…I mean THIS has helped put them on the map hasn’t it? And like Azher said about his/her sister, there has to be some underlying urge in all of us to want to burn a couch, bringing destruction to a crappy piece of furniture from ‘97 that no one wants to look at anymore. These people are fans, with nothin’ but love for their team. So what if it is their expression of pure, down-right, balls-to-the-walls sportsmanship that causes such passionate arson? …. Don’t hate, appreciate

by whatevs on Mar 1, 2006 12:55 AM EST reply actions  

Usually WVU students will get crazy but never cause any harm to anyone or anyone’s property. The only time they get rowdy with police is when they tell students they cannot do something just because they can’t. So let those couches burn.

by Rob on Mar 22, 2006 11:42 AM EST reply actions  

THIS IS 4 THE TEACHER I MEET SUN. STRANDED ON HER FREINDS BOAT GO USF BULLS .

by ARCHIE on Oct 2, 2006 5:34 PM EDT reply actions  

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