One word: conditioning

Win Stutz

Winner- Amztutz!

Although: I couuld see a situation ala Jurassic park where the Newman character (Anstutz) gets squirted with frosting by the baby dino. (Fulmer) Probability: 3%

In my mind, I see a rather agile (for this weight class)Amstutz using his Capoeira skills to amaze and confuse Phil. I see him landing blow after blow until Phil quits early in the third round.

After the disgrace, Fullmer pens an apology to Volunteer fans everywhere and promises to be far more competitive in ‘07.

Round 2 start and before Amstutz can get off his chair, Fulmer whips his arms around in a mad whirl of flab and froth. Soon, his whole body is covered by a coat of glaze. Amstutz senses the danger and tries to end it quickly with a twirling pirouette to the back of the head. His foot STICKS to Fulmer who starts laughing maniacally. Fulmer tries hitting him Amstutz in the face with his left arm flap but Amstutz is succesful in blocking all attempts. Fulmer gets enrages and starts frothing at the mouth. A couple of Krispy Kreme employees fall out of his cheek and run away with a look of horror and covered in nachos and doughnut glaze. Soon Fulmer is spent and Amstutz takes advantage. He licks Fulmer clean and pries himself off Flumer. He then dances around Fulmer “American Dream” Dusty Rhodes-style and hits him repeatedly with the Bionic Elbow. Fulmer crashes to the canvas and sticks. Amstutz walks over to Fulmer and kicks him several times in the head to end the match. Fulmer’s head implodes like a warm, mushy canoli.

Phil will fight dirty, and I think he will pull out all the stops. Amstutz should get some licks in. The kind of licks where Amstutz looks at Fullmer like he is a huge turkey leg and then procedes to bite Fullmer in his portly midsection.

But in the end Fullmer will use some kind of illegal weapon to bring down the beast that is Amstutz.

If Fullmer enters the ring on a full tank of mayo, ice cream, and processed cheese, I see him leaving this fight with at least half a tank.

Fullmer early in the second round knocks out Amstutz with an illegal pair of brass knuckles. Amazingly the ref never sees it happen.

Those years as a lineman and ingrained technique to keep it all in — arms, doughnuts, lower intestines, etc. — make this desperation move useless.

Out of options, Fulmer shoots the frosting. Amstutz opens his gigantic maw, inhaling the sucrose goodness, but a little somehow bounces into his eyes. This serves as a momentary distraction, but all that Fulmer needs. For it is here that he signals to the back, where he calls for some thuggish “Volunteers” to perform a run-in.

Bama fans in the audience, still embittered over their troubled past with the UTK, rush in and help even things for Amstutz.

The real winners are the rest of us, for witnessing the decline by attrition of two annoying groups of college football groups. But if it goes to the scoring judges, it all comes down to a matter of what day of the week. If its a Saturday contest, Fulmer takes the victory. Amstutz bathes in the cheers if this match is held on Wednesday nights. He knows a lot about competition there.

Slightly put off by this rather inappropriate gesture, the referee turns his attention to Amstutz, who happens to be in mid-swallow of a pint of drawn butter.

Before Amstutz can warn the referee, a deluge of frosting shoots from Fulmer’s left eye, covering the referee from head to toe. The frosting instantly coagulates, creating an air tight (to keep the juices in), vanilla-flavored sarcophagus in which the referees body will marinate until dinner later that evening.

Fulmer immediately turns his attention to Amstutz and delivers an equally lethal and accurate shot of frosting to Amstutz face. Fulmer watches as the frosting hardens and takes a moment to gloat… and eat a small child who wanders too close to ringside.

Amstutz struggles with the frosted mask that has engulfed his skull and realizes that time is running out. After calming his nerves and bringing his heart rate back down to its normal 368 bpm, he uses his buffalo like tongue to break through the frosted casing. He quickly devours the tasty shards that litter the mat. He then launches into the dance, that is Capoeira.

Sensing a commotion, Fulmer takes the next 15 seconds to rotate his gelatinous body 180 degrees. It should be noted that this time is a personal best.

Although strangely aroused by Amstutz’s native dance of death, Fulmer begins pumping his eyes trying to stir up a fresh batch of frosting.

However, having depleted his initial load in the opening seconds of the round, Fulmer is unable to generate a second barrage of frosting.

Amstutz uses his gyrating hips to keep Fulmer entranced as he readies to deliver his own onslaught of high caloric body ooze.

Fully content to let the strange feeling in his loins grow into an eventual crescendo, sure to bring about more frosting, Fulmer is oblivious to the fact that Amstutz has grasped both his breasts in his pancake sized hands and taken aim.

All of a sudden, streams of Bulls Eye BBQ sauce shoot from Amstutz breasts covering Fulmer in a sticky glaze. Before he can slurp off all the sauce (approximately .6 seconds), Amstutz moves in and devours both of Fulmers’ ankles, and a knee cap for good measure.

Unable to move, the judges are forced to call the fight. Fulmer considers it a draw, on account of all the free BBQ sauce he was able to enjoy.