AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

This is the tipping point for me: Will the title role of the big-screen treatment be filled by Tom Selleck, one of the most underrated actors/badasses in TV/film history? If the answer is yes, I will go see it. If the answer is no, I will not only shun the movie but picket any local theatre that condescends to screen it.

“Some people saw “gay”, but ladies saw easy access and some serious confidence in a nice pair of he-legs.”

“He-legs”? That sounds like a really bad euphemism for the big D. Which makes the plural sound really odd.

“I was watching this show on Discovery Health, it was called ‘The Boy With Two He-Legs’, and he had 2 you-know-whats but one was growing out of his back! OMG it was so wack!!!! WTF Lo1!!!!!”

How can you discuss TC without mentioning the matching van/helicopter combo, which was way ahead of its time? Or discuss Magnum without mentioning the underlying romantic tension between him and Higgins?

The horror. The horror.

That’s TC.

Actually, I can’t think of a single actor that could accurately portray Magnum. I think Mr. Baseball should mate with a non-descript, average woman from the mid-west and his offspring should inherit the role as the big-screen Magnum.

OK, ok… bear with me here.

Look at that picture closely, and imagine…

Norm MacDonald

with a moustache.

They should hire me for casting.

At least they’re not letting Ang Lee anywhere near the production, too bad for the Magnum/higgins slashers. Will they replace the old 308 with the 430 spyder?

Actually, that is a brilliant idea Bitterhorn. Imagine the new spin Lee could put on this hackneyed tale. I see an Oscar in the future… but only if Norm MacDonald is the lead.

Barf-a-rama.

Another measure of how creatively bankrupt Hollywood is…

Ack! Magnum eating pudding on Mauna Kea. All my heros are dead. :(

I posted on this yesterday too. My predicted cast (not who I would choose, but who genius casting directors would) was Nelly as TC, Nathan Lane as Higgins, and Jason Biggs as Magnum. It’d be a madcap comedy with plenty of anachronistic jokes!

Thinking more about this, I’m starting to think Ben Affleck might be cast as Magnum. Which would cause quite a few aneurysms.

Seriously, TC’s going to be played by a rapper, to get that edgy, hip element.

When I was in Vegas last July, Larry “Rick” Manetti was doing some kind of breakfast-with-a-celebrity gig at the Plaza Hotel downtown. Looks like he’d be available to put in a cameo.

Norm MacDonald

with a moustache.

This would actually cause me to see said movie. Are you listening, Hollywood?

Norm McDonald with a stache would be up there with Nick Cage in Raising Arizona.

sad that in all of these comments, only one mention of rick wright and his bar. larry manetti was the t*ts.

class act too. some girl died during a cocaine party at his honolulu high rise and he left her in the parking lot and called the 5-0. at least he called someone.

will the movie be set in present time? if so magnum will have to be an older character. he paid his dues in vietnam. that was justification for the short shorts, moustache, and living as the ward to an englishman of questionable sexuality (or is that redundant?).

and mike post’s theme song remains in tact i hope. not to be reworked into some hip hop/hardrock monstosity by some nu-metal band.

for what it’s worth, i went to school with a girl who dated the grandson of the guy who played lt. tanaka, so i am basically an original cast member by proxy.

Spurrier as the Stache-less Magnum. Ron Cooper as TC. Think about it!

Norm MacDonald sports a moustache when he impersonates Burt Reynolds for SNL Jeopardy.

Orson sported a moustache when he impersonated Burt Reynolds for a “dress as a celebrity guest on The Love Boat” party.

Eerie!

Norm MacDonald……

Yeah, that’s right. Turd Ferguson. It’s a funny name.

Guys who might, sorta, could conceivably cast an accurate shadow of Magnum on the big screen: George Clooney.

George Clooney could pull it off. The best thing is he would require an older TC that might put the role out of the rapper demographic.

The only thing that would be worse than a hard core, keepin’ it real TC is Chris Rock as the streetsmart, wisecracking TC.

Orson is gay for Clooney. I knew there was a catch to this site.
This remake definitely has hip hop flava written all over it. Which will suck.

Clooney’s too busy prepping his candidate’s spot on the Whacko ticket.

Jerry O’connell. If he could pull off the ’stache.

Chuck D as the new TC.

They could really gay up the movie and have the old Magnum (Selleck) and TC show up at the end, ala Starsky and Hutch.

I could see Clooney, and I wouldn’t be that upset. Then throw in a slightly overweight Ice Cube as TC. He’s a rapper, but it wouldn’t be the same thing.

They could modernize it and make them Gulf War vets (appropriate considering their roles in Three Kings).

And with that I’ll slink off to troll at Ain’t it Cool News…

Oh come on, folks, here’s your new Magnum. Tom Jackson could be TC, and Kenny Mayne as Higgins.

Alternative casting picks, if they must: Andre Braugher as TC, Jeremy Piven as Rick, and John Cleese as Higgins. But anyone other than The Selleck as Magnum would be an affront to God and nature.

Two suggestions, both of whom appeard in Office Space:

Ron Livingston or Diedrich Bader.

even though the movie remake of The Mod Squad kind of sucked, at least it turned out to be an extra long episode of the real show. Instead you know this is going to be a Starsky and Hutch “haha, let’s make fun of the clothes (and in this case ’stachery)” sort of deal. Let’s all hope and pray that Ben Stiller keeps his grubby little hands full of misspent potential the fuck off.

Ron Livingston could absolutely pull off The Magnum. Anyway, isn’t Selleck like 74 or something? Way too old and fat for shirtless kayaking these days. Nathan Lane as Higgins is genius. Although if he turned it down Chris Barrie might work.

Jeremy Piven is perfect. May I suggest Ricky Gervais has Higgins? Bernie Mack as TC and regarding Thomas Sullivan himself: In the storied tradition of American heros being portrayed by Brits and/or Aussies, I suggest Clive Owen, Hugh Jackman and Eric Bana. James Denton, regardless of nationality, should be considered as well.

Oooh…we like the Clive Owen call. He looks like he’s always ready to hit something.

Gervais as Higgins… pitch perfect.

I was hoping the classy yet shockingly badass Clive Owen would be picked as the next James Bond. But I’d take Gervais as Higgins, an inspired choice.

What about Dave Wannstedt? He has the stache, plus he needs to get out of the coaching business… doesnt seem to be working out for him, although hes only had TEN YEARS and numerous chances to take a team to a winning record. lol Pitt sucks!

Johnny Depp as Magnum, Shaq as TC (just because I want to see him fold himself into a helicopter), Kevin Klein as Higgins, and Jery Mathers as The Beaver….I mean Rick. What a twisted tale that cast could tell.

magnum is Urban’s man-crush

Dan Akroyd as Higgins

Michael Clark Duncan as TC

Jason Lee as Magnum

Charlie Sheen as Rick