YOUR SCHOOL'S PROMOTIONAL AD IS TEH SUX0RZ! GRAND CRU: APPALACHIAN IS HOT HOT HOT!

I will never get that 2:15 minutes of my life back, you bastards. Simply astounding. Simpsonesque in it’s craptacularity.

A tough challenge indeed to review this mighty ad. However you missed my second favorite part, the wintery scene in which they profess that even when its cold, it’s hot hot hot.

Defies the laws of physics, right? Just shows you how powerful ASU really is.

Wow – not only does it suck but it goes on forever. Why would someone decide to make the crappiest college promotional ad ever and then make it go on four or five time longer than all the other ones? Why would you create a song that insipid and then scroll the lyrics on the screen?

“spins helplessly in the middle of the frame like a toilet cucumber begging for a mercy flush.”

Maybe the best line in this blog’s history.

I’m watching this with headphones on in the law library. Tears are literally streaming down my face. People think my grandma died or something.

WOW!

Crap bitches, crap.

No joke, about 94 seconds into the ad, it drained the power out of the 9th floor of my building. Unfortunately, I am on a laptop and finished the horror uninterupted. Perhaps a new set of warnings would be apropriate in this case.

Also, is ASU anywhere near Branson, MO? The entire production has a certain Branson dinner theater quality to it that is hard to find elsewhere.

I thought you guys out did yourselves with the ESPN sucks posts. This just gave me my abs workout from laughing so hard.

It has now demonstrated poltergeist-like power. Perhaps Cthulu IS behind this.

The Old One is using Appalachian State to suck out our souls through our eyeballs.

Oh G*d, I think I might need to watch it again…

you need boone pickens to endow you guys with some cash to write this stuff.

When I saw the words “hot hot hot” on the title of this post, I thought to myself in horror, “Oh my god, don’t tell me they used that Buster Pondexter song from the ’80s to sell their school.” When the ad started up and I realized this was not the case, I felt a pleasant sense of relief.

That lasted for about .000238 seconds. That was truly . . . I can’t really explain what that was, except to say that Georgia’s crapulent, underproduced promo ads now look like “Apple 1984” by comparison. I will never complain about them again.

I refuse to listen again, but did that lady really sing “even though the weather’s cold, cold, cold, Appalachian is hot, hot, hot”?

Not to nitpick here, but that guitar solo was all California Dreamin’, not Saved By The Bell.

when the gospel singer kicks in, i got chills up my spine. maybe it’s karma for beating my beloved paladins in the playoffs. if only that would be used as a cell phone ringer or alarm clock…

Yes, she did, Paul.

OMG we’re deconstructing the WORST AD EVAR!1

That is a miracle of “home grown” advertising in more ways than one. I shall be abandoning the wife and children this minute, and heading out to where it’s hot hot hot.

How sure are you about the hippie chicks in the bandanna bras? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I must answer the call.

“Even when it’s cold it’s hot hot hot!” Magic!

This song is worse than the one Screech Powers wrote for Bayside High which was sung to the tune of Home on the Range. “Where seldom is heard, a complaint from a nerd…”

Gentlemen, you have outdone yourselves. Your review is as brilliant as the ad is craptacular. I’m crying.

I just watched that WHOLE thing. Shame. I could’ve been working but that just would have been HOT HOT HOT!!

I’m dumbfounded that there is actually a second verse to this “song”. Holy moly, that was bad!

“Proud as Peacock” has to take the cake for the most fugulant lyric for a college as that has ever even been congered in the deeped corners hell. Truly a greek tragedy of an ad. It’s like watching a Ben Stiler movie, painful and slow, yet you can’t take your eye off of the inevitable trainwreck that climaxes in a groin shot.

Perhaps the commercial was made with a specific target market in mind, and perhaps that target market is expected to already be in an altered state of mind…Anybody tried watching this while wasted and seeing if that makes it any better?

holy god that’s bad…. I was most amazed to see that it was produced in 2005, I would have guessed 1986.

Any of the gators out there who were around gville in the late 90’s have to remember the “I’m on my waaaaaayyyyyy… on my way to Santa Fe!” SFCC commercials… before this I thought that was the crappiest one.

My wife (another UF alum) was an intern for the Fox station that produced those Santa Fe ads and they used her in the commercials… I’d remember many a time sitting around at 2 AM baked when the commercials would air, when she’d pop up on the screen we would die laughing and tell her to “go on and get her ass to Santa Fe”… good times

“Anybody tried watching this while wasted and seeing if that makes it any better?”

We need science here, people. Someone go get trashed/high, watch the video, and come back with your report.

Bravo, boys, bravo.

In an unrelated note, ChompEm, our favorite local Gainesville commercials came from RTS, the G-ville busing authority. They had their own “READY TO SERVE!!!” rockin’ theme song that we’d kill to have a copy of now.

My favorite local G-Ville commercial still haunts me to this day….“We’re going to the faaaaiiiiirrrr. The Alachua County Faaaaiiiirrrr!”… repeated over and over again.

Of course the “This time you really can believe bad Bart” chevy commercials were good too… and the “Who’d you expect, Dale Earnhart” ones (with the owner of the lots daughter) can’t be discounted.

Orson—-Consider your request done. Doesn’t make it any better but certainly makes it more entertaining. In case anyone is wondering, yes, I am still at work.

All in the name of science, Comanda. Good show.

i once watched a movie horrible movie from the late seventies shot on 16mm called ‘incoming fresham.’ this movie is one of the worst college movies ever. (worse than ‘the harrad experiment’ featuring bruno kirby and, ironically enough don johnson trying to get into tippy hedron’s pants).

among many atrocities, it featured a gratuitous shower scene that was at best frightening. it was painfully obvious that the ‘director’ had just found an ashy skinned homeless drug addict to shower on film. likely paid her with a can of dog food and some coupons. the look of misery on this girl’s face would catch the clientele of a methadone clinic off guard. to understate, it was sobering. my description can do this scene no justice, because there was no justice to this scene.

i have now witnessed something far, far worse…

thanks?

This post has brought me out of EDSBS blurkerdom — you guys are doing some outstanding work here. My entire office is broken up over this one, including a couple of ASU graduates. Keep up the good work.

Good to see—with a name like that, you need to comment. Thanks.

The sad fact is that ad is about as accurate as you can get to Boone, NC and Appalachian State. Oh, and for the bandana bra hippy chicks? Trust me, you don’t want to see that – unless you are into 200lb girls who haven’t shaved since they enrolled and last bathed 3 weeks ago.

p.s – Inbred Jed is about the worst mascott ever.

He put his car up in a tree and he don’t know what to doooo,
Don’t worry, no problem, keep smilin be happy,
Its completely totaled up, and he’s really feelin blue…

Well Nathan, in response to the 200 lb. hippie chicks… we refer you to our mentor in these matters.

This song is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of today, thanks a lot.

Wow. That’s all you can say.

This thing fucking rules. It is “International Bad Line” bad, meaning that it is so bad & cheesy that it crosses over the threshold of horridness and becomes great, and rather than being ridiculed it should be celebrated. The mullet is the charter member of the “International Bad Line” club, but this thing is definitely a life member.

Along with Zubaz pants? And Journey? Lofty company, Kanu. Other things that might be in this club:

-Don Francisco, host of Sabado Gigante.
-The movie “Buried Alive” with Tim Matheson
-Jan Crouch’s hair
-The Toyota Scion wagon (the one that looks like a Micro Machine)
-The song “My Lumps” by The Black Eyed Peas
-The Black Eyed Peas
-Plastic furniture covers
-Drakkar Noir cologne
-Panama Jack and Ocean Pacific products

That last comment may be the funniest thing on the whole post

What’s really amazing is that someone had to actually “approve” this production. Either the AV Club president had to say “no….I think we need more ‘Hot Hot Hot’”, or the University Chancellor had to watch this and say, “Great job. Golly gee, I can’t think of a better way to promote our wonderlicious school!” Simply incredible.

This ran right past BAD and goes directly to CLASSIC.

I can’t get that song out of my head.

I was hoping that after a second (and even more excruciatingly painful than the first) viewing it would become clear that the ad was meant as self-parady. I was sadly mistaken. Props to the a/v department for skyrocketing their school into contention for a ‘Worst Of’ award.

ps. don francisco hangs with big-tittied, long legged hotties AND the guy in the bumblebee suit on saturdays- he freaking pwns

damn you for bringing up that “we’re going to the fair” line… once you’ve heard it, the only way to get it out of your head is with a bullet.

a silver bullet.

Eyes. Are. Bleeding.

Some of your finest work, gentlemen. We salute you.

Now I’m going to rinse out that little bit of throw-up in my mouth. I might have to call it a day.

Russ hit it on the head- it’s not that it got made, it’s the fact that at least one person (and considering the politics of a university, several people) sat down and watched this and said yes, you’ve hit it on the head, this is the image we want to project. Likely it’s those same people who unleashed Gigli and Police Academy 6 on the world. On a side note, I’ll offer a bounty on anyone who comes in with the head of the bastard(s) who wrote/sang the Alachua County fair promo…

I am now will blindly enroll in Appalachian State for the mere hopes that they have a Marketing Department. How could you not respect an institution with such a catchy and intellitengent slogan. Reminds me of the Chris Kattan Ricky Martin impersonation on SNL for Celebrity Jeopardy. Is this ‘hot tea’ HOT HOT HOT, or cold?

I just watched it, cried from laughter, played again for the closest coworker, and then played it a third time for the five people who just gathered around my desk. This is very very bad for productivity. Worse than that Miami88 guy.

Another stellar Gainesville jingle from the late 1990s: “Hello, Webster College, you can be my stepping stone!”

Wow. Someone has finally answered the question “What are the Main Street Singers doing now?”

Hot, Hot, Hot you say? No ASU prove to me that you are indeed Hot, Hot, Hot…in song and video form.

Mission accomplished. I really can only picture a bunch of fat madrigal singers in red and white robes jamming out on the risers of my local presbyterian church.

All the brain crushing weed is a direct result of having to drive 20 minutes to get a beer if you go to ASU. So obviously the guy who made this wasn’t drunk.

I am a 1988 graduate of Appalachian State, and I’ve always been proud of that fact, even when people asked me, “So, where is that, exactly?”

I flipped out when we won the I-AA football title a few weeks ago.

After many years of getting close and producing a few players like former Falcons RB John Settle, former Chiefs all-pro DL Dino Hackett and current Cowboys LB Dexter Coakley, we finally got over the hump. Never mind that we used to bitch-slap ACC member Wake Forest so often in the 1980s and 1990s that they decided it would be better to drop us from their schedule, even though we’d give their sad little stadium a rare sell-out.

Now all those years of hard work have been ruined by this singularly craptacular video.

Thanks, AV Department. Thanks a lot!!!

Just because this is ostensibly a college football blog, I’d like to point out that ASU are this years 1-AA national champions. Could it be that Michigan’s somewhat disappointing year is a by product of its totally face rocking commercial?

Great point, Rowdy. Though in regards to your previous post, you no longer have to drive 20 minutes to Blowing Rock to get beer. Boone voted in beer sales in the late 1980s while I was a student there.

As far as I know, though, you still can’t get a mixed drink there.

Any comment on the student bodies mad hydroponic skeelz?

Everything you’ve heard is true! Lots of magical mushrooms in them thar hills, too.

Hey, maybe that explains the video…

Fortunately I was delayed in my departure long enough to get the facts on the hippy chicks. I have to face facts, I’m no Ron Mexico. So, there go my dreams of lithe sex-postive feminists in possession of huge bags of Boone Bong patchouli.

Perhaps I can delete the voicemail before the missus retrieves it.

Well, the video did some good, because I never even heard of Appalachian State until today.

But, boy, it sure looks like Santa brought someone at the ASU Admissions Office a copy of iMovie for Christmas and this video was his/her’s first project with the software.

Good call, Colin.

Another commercial of fecal quality we remember from Gainesville: Shea’s Glass ads. They played the Ghostbusters theme, showed someone with a broken window, then zoomed in on the person’s face and turned down the volume abruptly at the chorus just in time for the person to bleat out in response to “Who you gonna call?” Answer: “SHEA’s GLASS.”

Filmed on Betamax and just as wack.

Holy shit was that ever horrible! It’s a shame too, I’ve had a trainload of fun visiting friends at AppState.

I knew about five people that went there, I will be digging up their email addresses so I can mock them later.

Plus, how can one really hate AppState? They gave Auburn a hell of a scare a few years back.

Orson -

All of those are International Bad Line quality, except for “Lady Lumps” -that is stuck in a black hole of shittiness never to return, and should never, never, never be celebrated or spoken of in any positive manner.

I would replace it with Benny Hinn’s hair.

Yeah, this video is definitely a head-scratcher. Over the past decade or so, ASU has been trying really hard to spruce up its image. The campus has been completely made over and is much more modern than when I was there, the (printed) promtional material is much slicker than it used to be, and the school has actually developed a pretty good reputation as place to get a solid education at a low cost (it’s frequently ranked in those U.S. News thingees).

But now this….video. All of a sudden, it’s 1978 again, and all Appalachian can claim is a Sports Illustrated feature on its nationally ranked soccer team that’s made up entirely of Nigerians. That, and a little-known basketball coach named Bobby Cremins…

Oh yeah, a little-known football coach named Mack Brown coached ASU for one season, in 1984. That was my freshman year. We sucked, though we did beat a highly ranked Furman team that year. And then there was the Sparky Woods era. And those were some good times!

Capital! Actually, Kanu, can we compromise on Benny Hinn’s accent? Somewhere between Lebanese cabbie, Mexican diplomat, and Okie preacher…

You need to know the President’s response:

Boulmay: Whatever happened to the “Hot, Hot, Hot” video?

Peacock: It’s still around, but it was used primarily for the [Appalachian] Caravan, taking it out with us on the road show and show that Appalachian is a great institution and it’s hot in many ways, and that was part of the whole show. So in order to understand fully that video, you almost had to be at one of those Caravan events. I would ask the audience to say, ‘You know why this is case? It’s because Appalachian, my friends, is …’ and they would respond, ‘Hot.’ I think they took it off the Web site because, without it being a Caravan event, it’s confusing. People don’t’ really understand what the message is with the song. It was all done in fun, to go and energize our alumni and say here are some things that are happening on campus, holding up the highlights of faculty, programs, accomplishments of students, and say ‘You know why this is possible? It’s because Appalachian is hot.’ It builds all around that whole theme.

Fuck specifics, let’s just say anything Benny Hinn, because we don’t want to leave out the super-cool way he touches people on the head with the holy spirit and makes them faint conveniently into the arms of two well dressed men who just happened to be standing directly behind said person.

What a harrowing experience. I sat for two minutes slackjawed as the video went on, and on, and on for waaay too long. Kind of reminds me of Up with People meets the Pep Team…. What’s worse is that it makes me wonder about the emotional scarring of those kids who smoked up before their parents dragged them off to see shows like Up with People.

The REALLY worst part of this digital crime against humanity is that I’ve had the “Hot, Hot, Hot” song stuck in my head for a few hours now.

Thanks for bringing this grisley specter into my consciousness.

Sold me. Im transfering to App St as soon as possible.

How could a prospective student possibly turn down the school after seeing that ad?

Yeah, I’m totally F’d, F’d, F’d. I just got out of a meeting where I apparently hummed the song the whole time. Someone next to me had to point it out.

Contrarian, are you from the bucolic township of Mt. Lebanon?

That choir really does sound like Saved by the Bell quality (the guitar solo is California Dreamin’ though, I’d agree). Remember when Zack and the gang sang that awful song at graduation in one of the final episodes?

This whole promo seems like a joke an ASU student made to delude everyone into thinking it was an official promo, but it actually is official.

Zach Attach

Correction: Mack Brown coached at Appalachian in 1983, not 1984. And he actually went 6-5 that year.

Holy Crap that was bad – just plain bad. How bad? My 5th grade class pissed me off so much today – I hooked my laptop to the TV and made them watch it. Twice.

My teaching job is in danger – but they will never again act like they did today.

I just showed this to my husband. His first reaction was “I want to kill myself.”

Someone should send this entire blog entry and all of the comments to the ASU president and PR person. Good Lord, they need major help.

Just an FYI – this is not an official promotional video. This was used at a few events back in 2004 that were geared toward older alumni and donors. For some reason iFilm promotes it as an official video when it is not. I admit when viewed out of context, it’s pretty sad, but again, it was never a promotional video, just a rah-rah song for older alunmi.

The mistake was putting it on the web. Never should have done that. Now it’s all over the place and labeled something it never was.

Maybe it was intended to that cheesey. Y’know, ironic in a “Tom Goes to the Mayor” kinda way.

WHATEVER it might be, it certainly doesn’t improve with subsequent viewings. I’ve wasted 6 minutes 51 seconds of my life (excluding the commercial intro) watching the ad, hoping for one tiny kernel of irony. Now I’m just nauseated and losing my caffiene buzz.

Was the App State video really just intended for old alums? My younger brother, an ASU alum, reports that it also appears on Boone’s “Mountain Network.”

And you thought the Alachua Fair commercial was annoying.

Was that a young Jimmy Smith brought in to lay down the Hammond B3 track? Very Back at the Chicken Shack-esque. Too bad it was buried under everything else..

I thought after the Space, Bitches! Space! you guys would never be able to make me laugh that hard again. I stand corrected and grateful. That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I especially like:

“We know Appalachian State likely felt they had some rebranding to do here. The whole push of the commercial is to equate HOT with Appalachian. This would present a daunting task for seasoned team of coked-up NY marketeers; for a bunch of ASU students and administrators, it’s equivalent to attempting to climb K2 wearing a pair of ballet slippers and a speedo.”

My sides hurt and I’m still crying from laughing too hard…

Brilliant…

Contrarian, are you from the bucolic township of Mt. Lebanon?

RowdyRoddyPiper, my lovely wife hails from that bucolic whitebread burb of Pittsburgh, not me.

Since this is a college football blog, Lebo halfway between my house and South Bend, Indiana.

I am a student at Georgia Southern University and ASU is one of our biggest rivals…point being it makes me “proud as a peacock” to see them getting this kind of attention!

People, people people. GIVE IT A REST! HOT HOT HOT was never an official promotional video for the University, was never an admissions recruitment video, was never sold as a recruitment or promotional piece, was never intended for this wide public audience that have eagerly gotten their hands on it, etc. As an alumnus and employee of the University, I am not a fan of the video but who cares? Do you people have nothing better to do than attempt to analyze a video produced on a campus for a campus specific audience?? Get over yourself and your holier than thou self-promotion and find something else of worth to analyze. Have a pleasant evening.

WoW. I live in Boone and this video, “stinks and I don’t like it”. RAMONE, give this video peace and let in rest in a pool of Rock Hudson’s blood. Listen to Opie and Anthony XM202.

This video is the real thing and Appalachian should be embarrassed that it’s out. Appalachian would be better served if it had a famous alum who was a serial killer. Appalachian is HOT HOT HOT? From what I’ve seen of it, it’s a foggy dinky place located in a half a hole.

While this video does suck, and is pretty much an embarrassment to ASU, most people have only made assumptions about this video. It was written, engineered and produced entirely by staff members. Students had absolutely nothing to do with it. When the student body saw this video, there was a huge cry for the lynching of all faculty and staff involved.

As an app student, I know for a fact that this doesn’t reflect our school. Also, it was never meant to be a promotional or recruitment video. It was some retarded thing that the faculty did to get their jollies on apparently. It was never published, and never shown at any recruitment/orientation.

This is no joke: This video is so hated by the student body, that the faculty members involved have asked not to have their names disclosed to the students. Trust me, I’ve asked in multiple audio engineering classes. They refuse to say who it was.

Its tough to believe such a “foggy, dinky place” has the #1 ranked 1-AA team in the nation and a business school that has a track record of outscoring the Ivy Leagues on the CPA. hmmm. . .

Hey at least we’re national champions! ASU is so HOT, HOT, HOT!

Read this months ago. Wolverine fan friend of mine just IMd that Michigan is opening against ASU this year, so I sent him the link. While I’m here..

I’m wondering if it’s just before your various times in Hogtowne, but the near-Love Boat-styled television jingle for “The Mill,” (formerly over by the Oaks…Mall… PLAZA!) set a high-water mark for cheesetacular Cox production…

“The Mill Bakery and Eatery, we’ve got the freshest [food?] in town!
MIIIIIILLLLLLL Bakery and Eatery!! (yeah!)”

Honorable mentions to your previously recognized “Alachua County Fair” (hilarious trailing drone) and “Webster College” (Al Jarreau, anyone?)

This never, ever gets old. I’m having a crappy day stuck at work on a Sunday and I read this post for like the 576th time since last January…still has me damn near in tears.

Behold…the sequel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uEkWRE38nk

Its as if the Superbowl shuffle video raped the 1989 Calgary Flames music video and this was their illegitmate son.

Just gotta point this out… all of this mocking and fun pre-dates — way way way way pre-dates — AppSt’s victory over Michigan in August/Sept ‘07…. wow, just wow.. and EVERYBODY’s got to get it right… the last line (with snow in the background) is: “even when it’s COLD COLD COLD, it’s hot hot hot!”…. the 3 “colds” just have to be heard to be believed…. and to #90, glad to hear it was never seriously made and put out there…. ciao