January 11, 2006
THIS WILL BE EVERYWHERE IN 24 HRS.–WHY NOT HERE.
Via Deadspin: A colorful illustration of Uncle Vince Young’s throwing motion, before he eats all of your steak and ruins your life. We’re guessing Jon Heder is playing USC in this allegory.
GEORGIA TECH AD RETIRES. CHAN GAILEY WAKES FROM NAP SWEATY WITH TERROR.
Dave Braine, Georgia Tech AD and founder/sole member of the “OMG Chan Gailey is sooo hottt” Club, is retiring at Tech. Start the chatter…oh, about right…now regarding 7-5’s long term job security with an incoming AD who didn’t hire him. The scenario for an incoming AD at Tech unfolds in our heads something like this: you get a nice new house, modest, mind you, but still nice and stylish in its own way. Crown molding, original floors…small square footage wise, but you weren’t hoping for a mansion anyway, right? So you turn the corner with your first armload of bags, and this guy’s sitting in your living room eating a bag of pork rinds, sipping on a Big Red and watching Walker, Texas Ranger on the tube:
Hey, it’ll get you 7-5.
As a concerned home owner, we’d tell the guy to leave quietly before we called the police. But he stops you and says: “But hey, I’ll clean the floors. Kind of. And sorta half-assedly clean the kitchen. I’ll even swat a broom through the gutters for you once in a blue moon. And I’ll just sit here congenially the rest of the time just bein’ me and shit. How’s that sound?” And if you like that, you keep the guy in your house. If you don’t, send him packing.
Whatever you do, though, don’t hope. Don’t expect better. Chan Gailey is in his fourth decade of coaching football. His lifetime record is just over .500, and hoping for anything better is hopign against every piece of evidence you’ve got to work with, so give up the effort before you start. Don’t make Chan Gailey anything else than what he is: someone who gets paid over a mil a year to go 7-5 every season and mutter a bit on radio shows in between heart attacks and bad jeweler’s commercials.
Better informed stuff on this at Golden Tornado.
OKLAHOMA STATE ATHLETES ARE WELL ENDOWED
Thanks to the generosity of Billionaire Alum Boone Pickens (what a great name), the Oklahoma State athletic department is 165 Million Dollars richer. This comes just a few years after Pickens pledged 70 Million to renovate the Cowboys’ stadium. We’re guessing curing cancer has never been a high priority to Mr. Pickens.
Pickens’ favorite football play: the bomb.
VANDY SHOWS SOME BALLS
Vanderbilt has dropped its home opening game for next season in exchange for a chance to shock the college football world as they take on the Wolverines in Ann Arbor. That’ll be a tough test for the ‘Dores as they try to replace their quarterback.
STANFORD. STRIPPERS. HA.
University and strip clubs…and Gary Barnett is NOT involved? Strippers evidently played a part in the recruiting routine of the short-lived Buddy Teevens reign at Stanford, according to CNNSI and the San Jose Mercury News. As side-splittingly funny as the idea of Stanford recruits looking for a strip club is, funnier still is how the whole story broke: assistants sought university reimbursement with receipts from the New Century Theater in San Francisco. (The intro link is SFW; all other pages are not, but it being a San Francisco strip club, we’re sure all freaks are treated in a non-threatening, caring, womyn-centric way.)
Why do we imagine this looked a lot like the climactic scene in Requiem For a Dream: sweaty football nerds clumsily throwing money at disadvantaged and very bored naked women? Even if Fred Smoot’s test scores kept him from being involved, did they hire him as a consultant?
Stanford took recruits to a Bay Area strip club and no, not one where this guy works.
GATOR BACKUP QB TO CONCENTRATE ON BASEBALL FULL-TIME
The Florida Gators are running into quarterback depth problems. Although Chris Leak has made it official that he is returning next season, and they expect uber-recruit Tim Tebow to sign this February, they don’t have much else waiting in the wings at the quarterback position. The previous back up, Cornelius Ingram has been moved to tight end and now the Gators receive word that red shirt junior Gavin Dickey intends to leave the team and concentrate on baseball full time.
The Gators may have to encourage Chris Leak to continue his less than manly running style to preserve his health next season.
LENDALE WHITE TO TURN PRO
In a move that is not entirely surprising, ESPN is reporting that Lendale White will be trying to parlay his huge Rose Bowl performance into big dollars. It is expected that White will declare for the NFL draft sometime today. So, when is Bush going to make it official????
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