EDSBS QUIZ: ARE YOU MARCUS VICK?
by Orson on Jan 10, 2006 1:40 PM EST
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PrintWe never cease looking out for our readers' welfare. Have you had five servings of whole grains today? Were you sure to take your vitamin supplements? And while eating a whole can of frosting with your finger while watching "Sports Disasters" on TLC, did you wash your hand first?
In the same vein, we must remind you of another danger to your health and career: being Marcus Vick. We present to you the EDSBS Quiz: Are You Marcus Vick?
You may be this man. Take a quiz and leave no doubt!
1. You strike up a conversation with an attractive lady at a local convenience store. Chemistry bubbles between the two of you, so you invite her over to your swanky crib for cocktails. Yet, as you pour the drink, you note her youthful appearance and middle-school report card sticking out of her purse. This provokes in you:
a.) Mild concern.
b.) Dismay.
c.) Jimmy-wobbles like hobbedy wobbedy damn.
2. At this point, you subtly inquire as to the woman's age. When she says "19" and giggles, you:
a.) Assume she is telling the truth.
b.) Ask for ID.
c.) Pour three rapid fire shots like a Fat Tuesday's barkeep and put on a Teletubbies video.
Gets 'em every time.
3. The law of your state prohibits speeding. The law of your state also requires a valid driver's license for the operation of a vehicle. Finally, the law of your state also prohibits the possession of marijuana. Which one of these then describes your driving style:
a.) Without a license and in possession of marijuana.
b.) Speeding and without a license.
c. ) Hey. I'm Marcus Vick. (All three)
4. You need a car to get around. You:
a.) Thriftily maintain the 1992 Plymouth Sundance you've been driving since high school.
b.) Purchase a used but still-in-good-shape Honda Accord to build your credit.
c.) Ask your brother to purchase a luxury car for you equal to the combined yearly salaries of 122 hard-working Laotians...in cash.
5. You are engaged in a fierce game with a challenging opponent. During a lull in the action, you spy the opponent laying lying on the ground. You:
a.) Offer your hand to help the opponent to their feet.
b.) Let them lie there. Why should you help them?
c.) Attempt to maim them in front of 80,000 very interested spectators and millions watching at home.
Go ahead---no one's looking, man.
6. Your favorite color is:
a.) Periwinkle
b.) Red
c.) Why are you asking me this shit? What's my favorite color? What kind of faggot-ass shit is that? Why are you asking me that when you know I'm strapped. Yeah, you heard me punk. D-Eagle strapped. You see this? That's killin' steel right there, son--back the fuck up with that color shit. That's right, back. The. Fuck. Up. Now we got some respect going on here. What? What, huh?!? What!!!
7. A table sits in front of you, piled high with anywhere from $20-30 million dollars in cash. On the table is a note taped to the collar of an adorable puppy. The note reads, "This money is yours on the condition you do NOT kill this puppy, grill it, and eat it with lettuce and tomato on a whole wheat hoagie roll." You:
a.) Take the money and leave the puppy.
b.) Take the money and adopt the puppy.
c.) Fire up the grill, bitches. Puppies gotta die, too.
Puppies gotta die, too.
If you answered C. to all seven questions, you may be Marcus Vick. You are advised to call the quality defense team of Argue and Phibbs immediately.
Even Argue and Phibbs may not be able to help you if you are indeed Marcus Vick.
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Comments
Quality. Maybe VaTech should use this in the future when recruiting. It might be useful for The U as well.
by Comanda on Jan 10, 2006 1:53 PM EST reply actions
Thank God I don’t eat puppies… That was close.
by Stranko Montana on Jan 10, 2006 1:54 PM EST reply actions
Jimmy-wobbles like hobbedy wobbedy damn.
Oye…I probably could’ve went without that.
by michaelkmcneil on Jan 10, 2006 2:01 PM EST reply actions
“Jimmy-wobbles like hobbedy wobbedy damn.”
I don’t know where the hell this phrase came from but I’ll be damned if I don’t pass it on to Father McFarland to use in mass this week.
by Ryno on Jan 10, 2006 2:04 PM EST reply actions
We think we remember it from a 504 Boyz song.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 10, 2006 2:12 PM EST reply actions
They’ve all got huge ears—which means they’re hung like donkeys, we’ve heard.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 10, 2006 3:02 PM EST reply actions
It’s fairly evident that one of them is hung like a novelty straw.
by Brian @ mgoblog on Jan 10, 2006 3:08 PM EST reply actions
It looks like the purple one is grabbing the red one’s ass (goosing him, in effect). Smut!
by PSUrob on Jan 10, 2006 3:08 PM EST reply actions
Marcus Vick. Whick would be a more appropriate location for Little Mex to continue his life long pursuit of crime and decadence. Raiders or Vikings? The “Cocaine Cowboys” might show some interest as well. Added bonus, Dallas is close to the border so getting some good smoke or blow should not be a major problem.
by Rome on Jan 10, 2006 3:29 PM EST reply actions
Comanda – the U looks clean next to Mexico Jr and Vtech.
Jimmy-wobbles like hobbedy wobbedy damn. damn funny
by d-dub on Jan 10, 2006 3:31 PM EST reply actions
The red Teletubby looks like he’s pointing down at his crotch with both hands, all “Suck on this, bitch,” a move I actually think I saw Little Vick copy when he scored against Georgia Tech or somebody or other earlier in the season.
by Doug on Jan 10, 2006 3:39 PM EST reply actions
d-dub—>EVERYONE looks clean next to Marcus Vick, except maybe Ron Mexico who we all know is, in fact, not clean.
by Comanda on Jan 10, 2006 3:49 PM EST reply actions
Why, Orson- would that be “Wobble Wobble,” which found the 504 Boyz co-opting the Hamburgler’s catchphrase for a club banger?
by Ian on Jan 10, 2006 3:57 PM EST reply actions
Praise Allah. I hope this guy goes to Hell and all those virgins kick his ass!
by ZAID ABDUL AZIZ on Jan 10, 2006 3:59 PM EST reply actions
I answered B to the Honda and C to the dog-eating. I’m either 50% Marcus Vick or 100% Asian.
(um, the latter is actually true)
by trot on Jan 10, 2006 4:33 PM EST reply actions
Xiang rou in Chinese—“fragrant meat.” It really does smell delicious in real life.
Our favorite potentially true story from expats who lived in Korea was one about a teacher who rode past a dog farm every day on the way to work and once looked over to see the farmers setting dogs hung from a rack on fire. Apparently the idea was to get the adrenaline flowing through the meat to get better flavor. We can’t really get this image out of our head, which might explain the drinking and night sweats.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 10, 2006 4:37 PM EST reply actions
Is this going to be a Chinese discussion again? Cause that was fun to read.
Oh, and you’re a jerk for getting that image INTO my head.
by trot on Jan 10, 2006 4:45 PM EST reply actions
Oh, sure. Whole thread on “Weird Shit We Put In Our Mouths In Asia.” And we were married at the time, so don’t let your mind wander too far in a certain direction.
-Lobster blood-fucking delicious)
—Chicken rectum (BBQ)
—Fish heads (not too weird, not too bad)
—Every conceivable part of the pig from the rooter to the tooter. Sizzling crispy intestines, anyone?
—Duck’s head
—Chicken feet (slimy)
—Cakes of congealed pig’s blood (good)
—Congealed duck blood (in soup
—Chou Dofu: fried fermented tofu that smells like human waste at a distance. Not great, but not terrible up close.
—Durian. Banned from public transport in Singapore.
—Fetal chicken eggs. Horrifying and barely swallowed.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 10, 2006 4:51 PM EST reply actions
The fetal chicken eggs (a.k.a. Balut) gives me creeps everytime I see it. Go ahead everyone, do a Google image search on “balut”.
Chou tofu is not tolerable, but that’s pretty much all I’ll eat on that list… I’m pretty much the most whitewashed Asian you’ll ever meet :-/ , but I’m still Asian enough to use emoticons o_O
by trot on Jan 10, 2006 4:56 PM EST reply actions
Orson, are you an Anthony Bourdain fan? It sounds like you’ve hit some of his favorite spots in Asia.
by Bill on Jan 10, 2006 5:30 PM EST reply actions
Deadsping with a great poll about the topic du jour.
by bitterhorn on Jan 10, 2006 5:37 PM EST reply actions
Huge Bourdain fan, Bill—he’s got our dream job. The episode where he visits Vietnam and ends up at the weirdass island resort in Ha Long Bay is classic shit.
And Trot, we blame our ability to try anything without vomiting on the backwoods Tennessee gene. When someone brings squirrel to a lunch in middle school, you might be a redneck.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 10, 2006 5:40 PM EST reply actions
‘Every conceivable part of the pig from the rooter to the tooter’
Isnt that normal fare in SEC country?
by tzubear on Jan 10, 2006 6:12 PM EST reply actions
Our point exactly. It really wasn’t much of a transition in that respect.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 10, 2006 6:14 PM EST reply actions
In southern China (Guangdong province) I had a dish named “Tiger Fights Dragon” which is a whole roast cat wrapped around by a whole roast snake. This is evidently quite the local delicacy and was prepared as a special dish for us. It smelled worse than it sounds, and the visual of a an entire roasted cat sitting upright in the middle of a plate (eyes intact) is one I probably will never forget. One of the girls with us litterly threw up at the sight, which we had to explain away as her suffering from the flu for the past few days.
Link to Chinese cat dishes: Cats – Friend or Food
by Nathan on Jan 10, 2006 6:31 PM EST reply actions
Not that theres anything wrong with that.
Comment by DevilGrad January 10, 2006 @ 4:00 pm
Which, being gay or being a Northwestern fan?
by Kevin on Jan 10, 2006 6:33 PM EST reply actions
Yikes! I thought eating a hot dog baked inside of a baguette was going out on a limb.
Tiger fights dragon sounds a little like the chinese version of the Turducken. Maybe if you stuffed the snake with a little hamster;voila…the Catsnaham.
by RowdyRoddyPiper on Jan 10, 2006 6:38 PM EST reply actions
Orson my love, you forgot
*that big fish eyeball
*the fresh snake blood/rice wine cocktail (we saw the ppor snake getting its throat slit above the glass, y’all) in Yangshuo
*sea cucumbers in herbal medicine soup
*hairy stomach lining
*that weird lemony fish on Daya Lu that made everyone extremely emotionally volatile
*Taiwan Beer.
shudder
Though the beer wasn’t bad once you got past the formaldehyde taste.
by The Conscience of a Nation on Jan 10, 2006 6:39 PM EST reply actions
Chou Tofu… aka Stinky Tofu… smells like foot… tastes like tofu… smells bad with no taste… yum.
by k_the_c on Jan 10, 2006 6:41 PM EST reply actions
Not that it matters, but the Gator Bowl attendance was only 63,780, not 80,000. It was the worst attended Gator Bowl since 2000.
by John on Jan 10, 2006 9:00 PM EST reply actions
yeah thats right bitches i answered c on all7 say questions, say 1 bad word and ill rip your head off and shit down your throat and serve it to ur mommy
by marcus vick on Jan 11, 2006 8:01 AM EST reply actions
NO IM GONNA CUT YOUR MOMS HEAD OFF, CUM IN IT AND THEN FEED IT TO WITH WHIP CREAM AND A CHEEY BITCH NOW WUT MARCUS U LITTLE PUNK ASS BITCH WHOS GOT THE BIGGER DICK NOW FAGOT
by Chris on Jan 11, 2006 8:12 AM EST reply actions
Oh man, Orson just got rocked by a big bowl of cock!!!
by Kevin on Jan 11, 2006 8:15 AM EST reply actions
WHAT THATS BITCH, MY PRACTICE NUMBER IS 52, WHEN THE BITCH REALIZED, WHEN YOU MUTIPLY THE 2 YOU GET MY DICK SIZE
by marcus vick on Jan 11, 2006 8:25 AM EST reply actions
Another espn apologist fluff job about Little Mexico and his soul mate, Mo Clarett. We all just judge too harshly, you see.
by bitterhorn on Jan 11, 2006 8:25 AM EST reply actions
THATS 5X2 FORYOU DUMBFUCKS
KEEPIN IT GANSTA!!!!!!!!!!!
by marcus vick on Jan 11, 2006 8:26 AM EST reply actions
WHATS THAT NIGGA WIGGA?IMA PULL MY GLOCK OUT ON UR BITCH ASS CHRIS JUST LIKE I DID TO THE KIDS AT MCEDEE’S FOR THIER BIG MAC
by marcus vick on Jan 11, 2006 8:29 AM EST reply actions
We did get rocked by a big bowl of cock, Kevin. But we try to let that happen at least once a month.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 11, 2006 8:41 AM EST reply actions
The sad part is, Marcus Vick sounds kind of like the idiot that’s posting here.
by Chad on Jan 11, 2006 4:06 PM EST reply actions
Not that theres anything wrong with that.
Comment by DevilGrad January 10, 2006 @ 4:00 pm
Which, being gay or being a Northwestern fan?
Comment by Kevin January 10, 2006 @ 7:33 pm
Either. Though I suspect that may be easier on the psyche to be gay.
by DevilGrad on Jan 11, 2006 4:36 PM EST reply actions
Poster: PleaZZZZE: “LIE” or “LAY.” If you are going to satirize the intelligence or judgement of another, perhaps correct grammer would be in order in your own expressions.
by ShortPumpShorty on Jan 17, 2006 11:27 PM EST reply actions
Correct, and corrected. Thanks for the..um…“grammer” tip.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 18, 2006 12:16 PM EST reply actions
It’s spelled grammar, if you’re going to criticize someone about it you should double spell check.
by Vick on Jan 18, 2006 1:18 PM EST reply actions
that’s some funny stuff…i’m hobbledy bobbledy laffing. for all you “U” apologists who think the U is clean, try Willie Williams on for size. dude was arrested 11 times before getting to college and miami barely blinked.
by judgeandjury on Jan 19, 2006 11:16 AM EST reply actions
Are you serious?? Louisville a challenging opponent? Arent they in the SEC??
by imsaqueeriputdanyfreakinworsefulonmysite on Jan 19, 2006 1:02 PM EST reply actions
ShortPump, correcting grammar by someone who is making fun of a guy that actually went to college for a couple years, has a spermier fascination, and added songs like this in their intricate collection of melodies and fine tunes while growing up:
We them 504 Boyz, huh, we them 504 Boyz ,what we them 504 boyz ,huh we them 504
boyz ,what what??
by Urban Minor on Jan 19, 2006 1:22 PM EST reply actions
This was some of the funniest shit I’ve read in a while. Thanks!
by C on Jan 20, 2006 12:35 AM EST reply actions
by d on Jan 20, 2006 12:29 PM EST reply actions
Argue and Phibbs are a firm of solicitors (lawyers) in Sligo town in Ireland. Set up in 1903.
After the Great War (1914-1918) they took on another partner. He was a solicitor from England. They never incorporated his name in the firm – it was Cheetham.
by desmondfarrelly on Jan 22, 2006 8:23 AM EST reply actions
anyone who has anything negative to say about marcus vick say it. most 18 year old men would fuck a 15 year old. most men who smoke, drive with bud in the car. most men drive knowing their drivers license is suspended. most men drive over 40 in 25 zones. and most men do dumb shit like the incident at the gator bowl. we are all men and have done dumb shit. for we are all men. so dont critize or hate, he will go pro and be great like his bro. sounds like a bunch of hating ass crackers to me.
by hehehehe on Jan 26, 2006 7:33 PM EST reply actions
Marcus Vick is da man and the hokies will reinstate his ass
by Kevin Jones on Jan 27, 2006 5:19 AM EST reply actions
how the fu** do you manage to have that much free time to leave some dumb a** comments like these
FU** YOU BIT**ES
by Big Mak on Jan 30, 2006 10:39 AM EST reply actions
F*** everybody that got something bad to say about marcus vick! That nigga gonna have more money in the pocket that you’ll see in a lifetime, so before you start trying to pop shit about somebody else you need to learn how to spell!!!
RETARDED BITCH!
(p.s GET A FUCKING LIFE)
by Courtney on Feb 7, 2006 8:27 AM EST reply actions
Marcus Vick is a fucking jack-ass. Listen Marcus,you listening you little piece of shit. I would like you to understand something here,first of all wannabees like you don’t add up to anything in life,yeah you hear that,if your trying to be famous for getting in trouble,for example like a rodman then color your hair any color and you would look like a gay transvestite. You and your brother are the biggest losers on the face of the earth. Honostly i think you 2 brothers are the real terrorist of the world,you and michael are the osama bin-laden and al-zwahari of the muslim world. That’s not great company to be mentioned with don’t you and your gay brother (michael)agree or do you disagree,you tell me. You are a fucking child molester and your ass should be in jail for real you sick bitch,holla you gangsta!!!!!!!
by Kevin Spink on Feb 25, 2006 1:40 AM EST reply actions
…and people think that there is hope for the human species…
by Sigh on May 1, 2006 6:53 PM EDT reply actions
Well the draft worked out real well for this asshat now didnt it?
by Draft watcher on May 2, 2006 11:46 AM EDT reply actions
Sure looks stupid now, couldn’t even get drafted. Between this wanna be gangster and his herpes-having older brother, I think the Vick family is up to their ass in shame.
Also, Courtney, feel free to mouth-ify my wang if you disagree.
by Yep Vick sucks on May 3, 2006 12:56 AM EDT reply actions
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME PERMISSON BITCH BECAUSE I DO DISAGREE!!
AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO GET ON YOUR KNEES.
by Courtney on May 3, 2006 4:47 PM EDT reply actions
OLD NEWS! THIS HAPPEN IN JANUARY, ITS MAY!
GET OVER IT AND LET IT GO!!!
P.S. TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE NEWS, JACKASS.
by Courtney on May 3, 2006 7:31 PM EDT reply actions
People change. Marcus Vicks gonna step it up. Hes still a jerk though.
by Nathan on May 5, 2006 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
marcus and micheal vick are the two greatest athletes in the history of college football. unparrallel in speed and throwing ability marcus will walk on with whomever and blow the comp. out of the water. so all you red neck, fat belly, idiot ass crackers should stop hating and suck some vick dick.
by bigdickdownyourthroat on Jul 26, 2006 12:05 AM EDT reply actions
your fuckin gay marcus vick is 1 of the best qb’s in the league
by nico on Dec 5, 2006 9:06 PM EST reply actions
HAHAHA! Yo Marcus, you gonna be my boy in Cell Block D. We gonna be callin ya Marcie by the time you be startin to toss my salad bitch. You like little girls you little piece of shit, Im gonna turn your asshole into my playpen. Come on ova here Marcie, get down on your knees slut….You my bitch now!
by JAILtime on Dec 15, 2006 10:08 AM EST reply actions
people on this website need to wach their language and quite talking about marijuan because little kids look up to marcus vick and want to be just like marcus vick but with the crap he says and the stuff he talks about i am surprissed anybody likes him.
by bob on Mar 13, 2007 1:23 AM EDT reply actions
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