MINERS GET CAVED IN, STRIP PRICE OF BOWL VICTORY.

by Orson on Dec 22, 2005 12:21 PM EST

Bruce Gradkowski went apeshit for the Toledo Rockets in the GMAC Bowl, throwing five touchdowns in a 45-13 smiting of the UTEP Miners. As predicted, the broadcast featured many shots of the U.S.S. Alabama, including a pregame teaser featuring Holly Rowe standing next to the battleship--prompt your own Carnie Wilson standing next to Grand Canyon in the "Hold On" video joke here, since we know they're coming. Let us also head everyone off at the pass by saying that in the Consequence-free Arena of Potential Sex (CAPS), we're betting Holly could slam pink parts with gusto, which explains our growing crush on the spunky, chunky sideliner despite her bedeviled hair. (Holly seems to get the worst draw on the weather/hair care product matchups. Perhaps she should go the Leslie Visser route and wear silly hats? )

Our reader Devil Grad sums up the Toledo victory better than we can:

When Mike Price said "it's rollin' baby!," I don't what he had in mind was Tom Amstutz coming across the field for the post-game handshake.

Heck, I'm a MAC fan, and I ditched that game to go finish up my Christmas shopping.

Our sentiments exactly. And now, a picture of Tom Anstutz and friend: rollin', baby.

Rollin'.

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Does anyone else think Tom Amstutz reminds them of former Baltimore Colts lineman (and perennial Letterman guest in the 80s and 90s) Art Donovan?

by Norm on Dec 22, 2005 1:03 PM EST reply actions

First off, keep your goddamn hands off Holly Rowe. She’s mine. She has a standing invitation to sit on my couch anytime, watching any football game while splitting a pizza and a 12-pack, with the obligatory TiVo pause,if you know what I mean (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Second, did anybody else notice that Toledo has the lamest, least inspired mascot?

by SystemsDude on Dec 22, 2005 3:06 PM EST reply actions

At least you can let the Power Ranger out in public. The late, lamented (but only by opposing fans) Rocky the Happy Butt Plug was an object of universal derision throughout the MAC.

by DevilGrad on Dec 22, 2005 3:09 PM EST reply actions

The link for the old Rocky:

Rocky — new and old

by DevilGrad on Dec 22, 2005 3:10 PM EST reply actions

Wow, DevilGrad – I see what you mean. The picture with the kid takes on a whole new meaning if he’s standing next to “Rocky the Happy Buttplug” as you put.

I know that was wrong. I’m so dissapointed in myself.

by SystemsDude on Dec 22, 2005 3:25 PM EST reply actions

Toledo has a long history of phallic mascots. For most of the 90’s, and I think well back into the 80’s, they had a large blue bullet shaped “rocket” that made the coeds go crazy. If only it had a “batteries not included” sign to go with it…

by tony on Dec 24, 2005 6:44 PM EST reply actions