IS URBAN MEYER REVAMPING COACHING STAFF?

by Stranko on Dec 13, 2005 11:26 AM EST

Following Arkansas' bold lead in shuffling its coaching staff that we reported on last week, Urban Meyer is taking a hard look at the Gator's program top to bottom and there are some changes being rumored to be in the works. When asked directly about this, Meyer was elusive to our EDSBS Gainesville Correspondent, stating "We haven't made any changes to our staff, but as you know, the SEC is a competitive conference so you always have to stay on your toes."

Unsatisfied with the wishy-washy reponse, our crack correspondent dug deeper to find that Craig Howard, coach of the 4A State Championship Nease program is rumored to be in the running for assistant head coach. Howard is the current coach of Tim Tebow, a great quarterback prospect who, rumor has it, possesses super powers stolen away from the great Chuck Norris. A program insider stated on a condition on anonymity "this has absolutely nothing to do with his relationship to Tebow, but did you know he's between Florida and Alabama?"

The word is that Tim Tebow doesn't read playbooks. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

To assuage growing concern that Meyer is unable to develop young quarterbacks, he has turned to a newcomer to the coaching ranks, Patricia Portis, who is rumored to be in as the new quarterbacks coach. She's known for public espousing that all young quarterbacks need a real opportunity to earn the starting role from day 1. For the position of recruiting coordinator, the word on the street is that it will be filled ably by the pride of Five Points, Ki Toy Johnson, whose connections in the State of Georgia and "juicy booty" should be invaluable in the recruiting process. She came highly recommended by ex-Buffalo coach Barnett.

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How dare you imply Ki Toy is a stripper! Administrative assistant, thank you very much.

by Orson Swindle on Dec 13, 2005 12:01 PM EST reply actions

You made that leap yourself Orson, I have implied that she is qualified for the position based on her resume… a portion of which is included.

by Stranko Montana on Dec 13, 2005 12:04 PM EST reply actions

She makes us sweat in a cold room.

by Orson Swindle on Dec 13, 2005 12:13 PM EST reply actions

Did the mentioned Ms. Johnson, have anything to do with the Mike Price firing at Bama?

by rjm on Dec 13, 2005 12:17 PM EST reply actions

He liked the way she moved.

by Orson Swindle on Dec 13, 2005 12:19 PM EST reply actions

Oh your lyrical interpretation is priceless, err.

by Y2K on Dec 13, 2005 12:34 PM EST reply actions

I love the Chuck Norris segment, got it in an Email the other day and couldn’t stop cracking up. Keep up the good work.

by TyVol on Dec 13, 2005 1:03 PM EST reply actions

Am I an idiot for living in the ATL and not being familiar with Ki Toy?

Orson & Stranko, I blogged about ESPN’s wicked retahded promotion where they are ranking the alleged top 11 teams of the past 50 years and polling whether ’05 USC would beat them (prior to the Rose Bowl, natch.) You might want to take a swipe at their list, since ’96 Florida made neither the top ten, nor the auxiliary list. Have at it, hoss.

by Michael on Dec 13, 2005 2:41 PM EST reply actions

No, maybe just hip-hop impaired, Michael. Or not as much of an gluteal gourmand as we are.

It’s a lot easier for us to snipe teams off that ESPN list than put them on. That ‘94 Penn State team is a critic’s darling, and the ‘99 FSU team wasn’t the best Seminole team of the decade (Charlie Ward ’93 was better.)

As for not having ’96 Florida on there…well, I think this USC team would handle them like bad cabbage, shitting them out in under four hours with ease. That ’95 Nebraska team, though, would plow the Trojans.

by Orson Swindle on Dec 13, 2005 2:48 PM EST reply actions

You’re suffering from a case of the Mondays. Florida ‘96 would march up and down the field on this USC team. Maybe they would have a hard time defending USC’s offense, since they don’t get to see teams attempt a forward pass in the SEC and would be perplexed by it when USC employed it (HT: Heismanpundit), but the game would be close.

by Michael on Dec 13, 2005 3:14 PM EST reply actions

On Tuesday, no less. The HPing made us think you were going to use one of his patented Colbertisms, like “We don’t think you get it, Orson.”

by Orson Swindle on Dec 13, 2005 3:31 PM EST reply actions

Why do you hate passes to the backs and tight ends?

by Michael on Dec 13, 2005 3:45 PM EST reply actions

The SEC of the mid 90’s was far different than the league it has turned into in the middle of this decade. The Florida offenses were leading the way, but there where some others who could throw the ball around too. Some guy named Manning had a pretty decent career. The goofy mullet freak from South Carolina, Quinthy Carter, even Tim Couch turned into the #1 pick of the draft. I doubt that would happen now. Today’s dominant defenses are products of those all too forgotten times.

by rjm on Dec 13, 2005 3:50 PM EST reply actions

Oh, believe me…we love tossing it to the back, and working with tight ends.

by Orson Swindle on Dec 13, 2005 4:06 PM EST reply actions

Now that is a priceless in your endo.

In the meantime, yeah, there were several schools capable of the forward pass vis a vis the mid 90’s in the SEC. That’s a pretty good list already. I would definitely add Eric Zeier’s 4 years at UGA. They let the boy cut it loose now and again.

by The Drizzle on Dec 13, 2005 10:10 PM EST reply actions