YOUR SCHOOL’S PROMOTIONAL AD IS NOT TEH SUX0RZ: PART ONE
In case you missed it, we’re in part two of a series here. (Most of our serial features end up like the proposed “Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins!” series–not very serial at all.) In part one, we profiled a stereotypically bad university ad, a spot for the University of North Dakota. Hint: essential classes at UND would appear to be “bowstaff skills” and “sweet moves.”
Today we profile a truly kickass ad, one that manages to avoid all of the pitfalls the UND ads and many more walk gleefully into the teeth of: the Michigan “The Michigan Difference” ad. Enjoy.
School: University of Michigan
Ad title:: “The Michigan Difference.”
EDSBS title:: “Space, bitches. Space.”
Setup: A luminous shot of the earth seen from orbit, taking up half of the screen to the left. The deep rumbling sound that all science fiction fans will recognize as the scientifically inaccurate “deafening silence of space.” Three names fade into the right half of the screen, followed by the words “APOLLO 15″ and “AN ALL U OF M CREW.” A tinny, bouncy noise begins to echo, and a silvery dot grows larger on the screen…the lunar command module makes its entrance, and you hear the sound of “Hail to the Victors” being channeled through a treble-heavy NASA relay, with a male voice clearly dum-dah-duh-ing along. An announcer intones, “Our students move on, but the spirit stays with them.” End with shot of big yellow Wolverines “M” superimposed over half the earth with “The Michigan Difference” beneath it.
Subtext: Michigan grads go to space. Motherfucking space. Not just one, either, but three at a time. In fucking space. Which pwns your ass. We send them up there and they sing our fight song and everyone else sucks our hairy cheeks while we stare at you puny mortals from–get this–the furthest reaches of fucking space. Because being an astronauts is one of the few jobs where a person not only has to be a badass willing to be strapped to the top of an enormous rocket and shot into–yep–outer-motherfucking-space, but you have to be juggling-equations, balls-out brilliant to even think about doing it. That’s us. We rule, you suck, and that’s all too sad, isn’t it?

Space, bitches. Space.
Production values: High. Shot on digital with quality CGI effects. Good audio, particularly on the simulated Nasa channel.
Hits: Superimposing Michigan’s logo over the entire earth, which must look to Ohio State fans like the Dark Mark looks to Harry Potter. Associating Michigan with astronaut, one of only two basic childhood employment fantasies to require a college degree (fireman, explorer, cowboy, and pirate are, as far as we know, two-year degrees or apprenticeship programs. Doctor would be the other.)
Misses: Many young Michigan applicants might not know what NASA is, or at the opposite spectrum, might already be thinking about how limiting the federal pension system would be during retirement planning following their career as an astronaut. Lack of hot ass is weak, but oblique sports reference cleverly ties in heritage pandemic sports mania at U of M.
Summary grade: A. An ad that avoids the textbook pitfalls, looks like it had some coin dropped for it, and manages to convey the most important message of a university ad: come here, and you won’t be poor, ugly, and miserable like people who go elsewhere. (Cough cough Michigan State cough cough.) And unlike those Ivy league frilly-drawers, we send mad bastards to–yes— outer-fucking- space. Top shelf stuff.









1
PSUrob says:
As a Penn Stater, I hate Michigan for a couple of reasons.
a. The additional 2 seconds Lloyd Carr asked for (AND GOT!).
b. The fact that their commercial kicks ass. PSU’s is a lame montage of dorky looking kids doing dorky things to dorky music.
December 8th, 2005 at 1:22 pm
2
Orson Swindle says:
PSUrob–send us the link to the commercial, if you can find it. You’re the second person who’s said how bad it is.
December 8th, 2005 at 1:26 pm
3
rob says:
Not to nitpick Orson, but that was the Apollo 15 Command/Service Module, not the LM. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Command_Module
December 8th, 2005 at 1:28 pm
4
Kenny says:
Space, bitches. Space.
Great.
Please, please, *please* do all the SEC schools. This would be great pre-bowl, post-bowl fodder.
December 8th, 2005 at 1:29 pm
5
Orson Swindle says:
Duly noted, Rob. We’re obviously not Michigan grads.
December 8th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
6
Ian says:
I forgot to mention this before, I recall the UVA/Miami matchup bringing the lame in wheelbarrows. First off, the U can’t do any promotion whatsoever without involving Gloria Estefan in some way. She’s like their Thomas Jefferson. Also, ours is centered around Sean Patrick Thomas talking about how poor people can go to UVA all of a sudden while he gives his best “where the white women at?” smile.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:04 pm
7
Heff says:
Great, three Michigan grads in space, 3,867,952 more to go.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:10 pm
8
Tommy Tuberville's Giant Ears says:
Auburn had a similar ad in the 80s. It featured a shot of Ronald Reagan in the command center wishing grads Ken Mattingly and Henry Hartsfield “Godspeed and War Eagle,” as they cleared the tower for a test mission aboard the space shuttle. The previous 25 seconds was the usual garbage, so by then most everyone tuned out and failed to recognize that Auburn grads experience operating heavy machinery extends beyond cotton gins and Squishy dispensers.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:27 pm
9
RowdyRoddyPiper says:
PSURob, the brain bending dorkosity of the commercial made me want to build a time machine, write an actual application essay and submit it to a school that doesn’t have people on the payroll with a job description of: Make school look like dipshitspaz central.
PS. Senor Swindle, the link is in your in-box.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:44 pm
10
Jackwraith says:
Awesome, bitches. Awesome.
This is the second place I come after MGOBLOG. Thanks, Orson.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:45 pm
11
Nathan says:
Georgia Tech has had TEN MOTHERFUCKING ASTRONAUTS and UM beats us to the punch with this add. Why we don’t advertise our tremendous technical programs better in our adds pisses me off to no end – instead we stick with the “Minority girl with a microscope”.
And yes, that UM add is the heat.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:46 pm
12
Orson Swindle says:
Ian, we’ve never actually sprayed tea on a keyboard until we read your Estefan quote. Huzzah, sir.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:59 pm
13
Mike says:
If anyone is willing to set up a 501(c)(3) foundation for the purposing of sending more Michigan alumni into space, my checkbook is wide open.
December 8th, 2005 at 3:20 pm
14
Rob says:
My roommate and I had a different take on the Wolverines in space, Michigan grads want to get as far as humanly possible from Ann Arbor, they’ll even go to space.
December 8th, 2005 at 3:40 pm
15
Bill says:
It was easier to send three UM grads to space than it was for Bo to win a Rose Bowl.
December 8th, 2005 at 3:53 pm
16
PSUrob says:
Here’s the link to the Penn State video “It’s Your Time”
http://x01.ur.psu.edu/video/ist.html
December 8th, 2005 at 3:57 pm
17
Nathan says:
Holy shit that’s bad.
Script for PSU add:
Camera pan of Happy Valley at night with 25,000 students whiting out the stadium. Slowly, rising to a crescendo the “WE ARE …. PENN STATE” chant echos back and forth. Fade to shot of the nitanny lion statue with “WE ARE PENN STATE” in huge font on the screen. Cut.
That would be 12×10^72 times better than that crappy one they have now (and would make me want to go to PSU).
December 8th, 2005 at 4:11 pm
18
CrimeNotes says:
From the ad, it appears that Penn State is trying to hawk feminine deodorant spray.
Unrelatedly, I note for the sake of completeness that Michigan graduated a total of eight astronauts.
December 8th, 2005 at 4:46 pm
19
RowdyRoddyPiper says:
“Script for PSU add:”
There’s a conspicuous lack of Magnum P.I. theme music. Other than that, good suggestion.
December 8th, 2005 at 4:46 pm
20
Wolvrne88 says:
Yes, I’m sure that the service academies, GaTech, Purdue and some other engineering heavy institutions of higher learning all can boast more astronaut grads than Michigan but f**king space, man! Great ad.
And I watched the PSU ad — it looked like a promo for “Saved By the Bell – The College Years,” although the JoePa Peach ice cream looked delicious.
December 8th, 2005 at 5:08 pm
21
andrew says:
incidentally, according to wikipedia, the 2-man crew of gemini 4 were also Michigan grads. That’s TWO all-Michigan outer fucking space crews. Go Blue.
December 8th, 2005 at 5:23 pm
22
WoodstockJosh says:
Nathan, THE UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE has you beat since they have had 11 ASTRONAUTS as students. Tennessee acknowledges it on t-shirts and has mentioned it in their commericials before. But, the commericals were still the lame dorky ones that were just talking about all the academic achievements of the school.
So, Tennessee is a step up from GA Tech, but Michigan is still beating everyone at this.
Damn it, I want to go to space now.
December 8th, 2005 at 5:33 pm
23
bitterhorn says:
Futzing around the Buckeye page looking for their Promo, I stumbled upon their webcam site. Note the address for sending mail. Consider yourself schoooled, yo.
December 8th, 2005 at 6:01 pm
24
Pat says:
Er? What’s special about Knowlton Hall?
Incidentally, that is the f’ing ugliest building on campus. The building could be used as a level in Doom or Quake or something. It makes me picture some third-world dictator’s private garrison.
And it’s the architecture building. Geh.
December 8th, 2005 at 6:14 pm
25
Kleinbaum » Proud to be a Michigan alum, Part II says:
[...] space, bitches, space [...]
December 8th, 2005 at 6:16 pm
26
bitterhorn says:
“Departments: Schoool of Architecture” ?
December 8th, 2005 at 6:22 pm
27
Orson Swindle says:
Goood work, man.
December 8th, 2005 at 6:25 pm
28
Lordfoul7272 says:
I have seen this add so many times and never stopped to revel in its genious. Now I will…right after I get back…from OuterMotherFuckinSpaceYO!
December 8th, 2005 at 6:38 pm
29
Tom says:
As an aside, Michigan may not have the most astronauts, but it was a Michigan Professor, Dr. Harm Buning that NASA flew down to Houston to train the astronauts in orbital dynamics as most (all?) of them were pilots and not astronautical engineers.
December 8th, 2005 at 7:19 pm
30
Pat says:
Ah, wasn’t looking there. Incidentally, if you’re looking for reasons to taunt Buckeyes, there’s a better one involving that building. Note that it’s butt-ugly from the outside? That’s because the guy who gave money for the building gave it on the condition that the building be marble-faced.
They, uh, didn’t read that information. They were well into construction of the building when someone realized “oh, crap, this building has to be marble-faced or we don’t get money” and so, emergency session, and the building has marble shingles.
And don’t even get me started on the screwups involving the Physics building.
December 8th, 2005 at 10:10 pm
31
Mgoazul007 says:
The University of Michigan commercial is the best by any college ..with the possible exception of the most recent Michigan spot showing devoted UM professors/doctors and staff treating , researching, and diasgnosing recovering men, women, and children who are/were diseased, amputees, or otherwise once ill …but now all recovered. Very heart warming ..this “Leaders & Best” spot hits the mark in tugging on one’s heart strings by expertly touching on the human element. Another totally awesome UM presentation.
December 8th, 2005 at 11:57 pm
32
Bill says:
I’m surprised no one’s mentioned it yet, but according to Wikipedia, one of the crew’s (Scott) only ties to U of M is an HONORARY doctorate, given to him AFTER the mission.
But hey, you got to do what you can to get a snappy ad premise like that.
December 9th, 2005 at 12:43 am
33
ND secretary says:
the worst commercial is the ND one showing a vampirish “nefertutu” looking Notre Dame president wearing black and walking goulishly along a polluted ND campus pond lisping around -babbling, actually. I’ve been told the scarey looking guy is no longer President so now they have this equally sappy one where a young woman goes to church every day…to pray for the end of the war inb Iraq? Perhaps a cure for cystic fibrosis or cancer? How about an end to famine and strife in Africa, or something really worthwhile like ND’s first bowl victory since Woodrow Wlson was president(it seems). ..But no..Hark! She goes to her mail box and gets an acceptance to the Bob Jonesian non-diverse football factory located in the slums of crack ridden, crime infested, cold, dank, cultureless South Bend! She- obviously having masochistic tendancies- and thanks a “higher educated” One for making a 60 year mistake …or maybe for at least moving her “ops” for selling drug from her hometown of Pastterson, NJ to ND …the commercial is never quite clear on this point(g).
December 9th, 2005 at 12:47 am
34
golden girl says:
Good show!
December 9th, 2005 at 12:49 am
35
Notre Dave says:
You missed the mark on this one.
Lord knows that the most hillarious Mediocre 11 commercials are those that talk about Sportsmanship.
I’m sure you’ve seen them… you know, the ones that show fans throwing waterbottles on the field (showering recruits), burning couches and cars, spitting on each other in parking lots, fights in the stands, planting flags, and “drive-by” handshakes amongst coaches.
Not to worry, you guys are doing fine. You’ll get it right!
December 9th, 2005 at 1:02 am
36
JVH says:
Come to Michigan and study kinesiology. That’s right. Kine-fuckin-siology, bitches.
December 9th, 2005 at 2:21 am
37
GB says:
Perhaps the end tag line should be: “All U of M Crew… Well, once we gave David Scott an honorary degree it was.”
December 9th, 2005 at 8:48 am
38
dragonash says:
Look, if an underfunded, urban school-UAB- started in 1969 can send a man into space three times, a Dr. Larry DeLucas-he’s got like five degrees from UAB-Michigan ought to be able to send those folks to Mars and Uranus. Come on Wolverines, you can do better than that.
December 9th, 2005 at 9:14 am
39
RowdyRoddyPiper says:
“Perhaps the end tag line should be: “All U of M Crew… Well, once we gave David Scott an honorary degree it was.” ”
Good pickup…really hope that the individuals responsible for duping the CFB watching public in this case are taken to task and exposed as the frauds they are. I want a congressional investigation.
I also hope PSU takes a page out of the UM playbook and starts awarding honorary degrees to all kinds of people with kickass jobs. “Did you know that every member of the rolling stones holds a degree from penn state? Did you know that Mick Jagger has impregnated four supermodels?…think about it.” Of course if they just 86 the current super gay commercial I’ll be happy.
December 9th, 2005 at 12:24 pm
40
Alton says:
Michigan gets by on a technicality: David Scott attended Michigan for 1 year before going to West Point. (Note that the commercial never says that they all held degrees from Michigan, just that it’s an “all U of M crew.”)
Scott considered himself a Michigan alum, in the sense of “somebody who attended the school,” and the crew left a little Michigan flag (about the size of a 3-by-5 index card) on the surface of the moon.
December 9th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
41
boooby BULLwinklebrown says:
The pathetic jealous ND envy of the University of Michigan continues…The fact is ALL three of those astronauts did attend the University of Michigan while 2 of them received their prestigious degrees there. Thus, the Notre Lame lie that one of them has ties to UM “only” because he got an honoary degree there is a Notre Lie. As for UM and kensiology well..heh-heh , one need only look at
A) Nd’s pathetic hurding of its Frosh football jocks into “physical Therapy” and “Marketing’ to see what a cream puff pass that is to bogusly high ND “grad rates” …
B) One of the NCAA major sanctions ND was hit with for CHEATING just a few years ago not only included jocks there receiving payola but also-GET THIS- that dishonest ND students were helping ND’s DUMB jockoids by DOING the ND’s jocks term papers for them!!! It’s true and all in the NCAA’s final report! From Rockne to the present some things -like cheating- never change at the ND sports “football factory”. Yup…non-diverse racist institution nD..or as others call it (as seen on popular T-Shirts) “Notre Dame, the Bob Jones of the Midwest.”
December 9th, 2005 at 12:36 pm
42
Forklift says:
At PSU, we will give you pistachio ice cream, and then turn it into rum butter and then strawberry all within a split second.
We are… 31 Flavors, bitches!
December 9th, 2005 at 12:41 pm
43
bitterhorn says:
I love when the big 10ers and domers start eye-gouging and slapping eachother.
December 9th, 2005 at 12:54 pm
44
Cecilia Jacquenpop says:
I ,too, loved the UM Space alums’ commercial; very impressive. I also agree that throughout the years the University of Michigan’s creative “P/R” department always puts out the best presentations as some one already referenced , above.
As for the dopey Notre Dame commercials, the goulish looking man in black walking on the ND campus was in fact their President (Malloy) who got fired or quit recently. To answer the question about ND’s latest one, I think the woman is actuallly praying to be accepted to go to ND though one must wonder “why’ she’d be praying for that given all those cruddy ND losing seasons, rapes, steroid scandals, and institutional racism that goes on there.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:00 pm
45
Mick says:
All those astronauts can’t erase the grim specter of former president Gerald Ford. My favorite commercial is the Georgetown one where John Thompson gives Ted Kennedy Calhoun a brutal wedgie/swirlie combo and then rides into the sunset.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
46
Anna Marie Lapinski says:
Great University of Michigan commercial, awesome fight song, and yes, better academics than ANY of the Ivy league schools no matter what the skewered stats of Us Lose & World report says. Is there any school-including Yale or Oxford- that gets mentioned more often for student/faculty/alumni achievements than Michigan? I think not. Whatever it is they do up thee in Ann Arbor, they ought to bottle it, because it’s priceless. Their undergrad student/faculty joing research classes for credit is ranked #1 in the nation and across the board -both undergrad and grad- UM has the most Top 10 rated academic depts. Couple this with the fact that it’s the winningest team in college football history -all divisions (plus 11 FOOTBALL National championships and a record 42 Big 10 football titles), and has the most NCAA national championships in Hockey(9) AND -remarkably- is the ONLY school to have a national championship in the 4major sports of football, hockey, basebnall, and basketball…and one can see “why’ the jealous Damester “ilk” come out of their rat infested UM envy woodworks. In the London Times and asian poll of the world’s greatest Universities UM is in the Top 10-50 ALWAYS whereas lil hapless parochial school Nd is never even in the top 150!!!!!!! In other words, outside of Indiana or the Midwest Mickey Mouse EASY Notre Dame is “non existent”…when mOST people think ND …outside of Indiana- they think about the Cathedral in France.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:20 pm
47
Orson Swindle says:
Anna Marie, rebutting the point no one made: “ND rulz, Michigan droolz!”
December 9th, 2005 at 1:27 pm
48
bobseerville says:
The UM astronaut commercial is splendid. I find most Um students and alums more than abit arrogant but I’d say the same things about those from Harvard or Stanford. When you an elite, others envy you. Michigan is second to nobody. After reading the above post responses it is clear:
A. Wikipedia ’s listings on famous UM alums seems non-ending. Any school that can boast alums who have been US Presidents (like honest Gerald Ford), CEOS ( the founder of Google is Larry Page, a UM alum) numerous Nobel Prizewinners, Supreme Court Justices, Clarence Darrow (think: The Babe Ruth of all lawyers), Arthur Miller, James Earl Jones, Branch Rickey, architect Charles Moore, and on and on and on is well impressive!
B. I liked it that UM won the US Supreme Court battle to uphold diversity and race as a factor in Admissions. Doubtful that even Harvard or Berkeley could have pulled it off, but UM took the lead and WON the day!
C. It says alot that UM a “public” university (I did not know that) like UVA or Cambridge or Oxford can have a PRIVATE endowment so impressive that it exceeds at least that of half of the Ivy League schools!
I like that UM can be so great academically and also in sports and that it always seems to win and get bowl bids while even the best amonmg all the other schools has suffered losing seasons. Um is also generally acknowledged to be the most honest school in nCAA football history. Integrity does matter. UM wins in everything…and does it the RIGHT way.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
49
jasonSchmidt says:
Too bad Orson but your not well(es)! Get it1 It’s Nd drools and UM RULES. Lok here is all anyone needs to know about “why” Nd hates UM
A. UM: 8 nobel prize winning alums vs…ND :7 Heisman winning alums (4 of whom were UNdeserving)
B. UM:A REAL ALUM as US President (Ford) ..vs..Notre Lame , only a ficticious Prersident (Jeb Bartlett whose being dumped from west Wing).
C. UM: 3 Supreme Court Justices alums..vs..ND: 3 drunken or racist ex-jockoids doing cable TV reporting ( eg.: The rwcist paul HornDUNG).
D. UM : champion of diversity…vs.ND: practices institutional racism & non -diversity ( fired black coach before contract was up AND -get this- has but one (1) black professor FULL time in a student body of over 11, 000 students!
E. Leads ND head-to-head ALL TIME in all 4 major mens’ sports of football (18-14-1), basketball (14-7) , baseball, and hockey.
F. UM academics ranked INTERNATIONASLLY among the best..vs..ND= unknown internationally.
G. UM = no losing football seasons since LBJ was president…vs..ND= 4 non-winning seasons in the last 7 years. Ouch, but true!
H. UM= the intellectual film CLASSIC: THE BIG CHILL vs…ND= the box office LOSER ; “Rudy”(sucks eggs).
At UM they refer to all the above as : “The Michigan Difference”. Quoting the above :
” UM Excellence..bitches…UM Excellence”!
December 9th, 2005 at 1:48 pm
50
Jackwraith says:
Just as a PSA:
We could probably stop spamming Orson’s UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA sports site with lauditory comments about Michigan and/or the neverending UM/ND catfight…
December 9th, 2005 at 2:09 pm