FANS' BILL OF RIGHTS: ARTICLE ONE, INTOXICATION

The cops at Carolina games will pad your ass down and look through girls’ purses, but I managed to sneak in — get this — a 200ml (or 250, I forget) bottle of Absolut into a game. How did I manage this? Well, there’s a reason I have boxers AND briefs in my underwear drawer.

At Notre Dame stadium, Student Affairs stations a spy atop the north scoreboard to look for open containers and such. Dude just sits there for the whole game, staring at the students through his binoculars. We liked to pretend it was the head of SA himself, as we gave “the eye in the sky” the finger during timeouts.

Breathalyzing students on the way in to games? Man, that’s a can of worms…

If you wore boxer briefs you could probably jock a fifth and pick up a few numbers in the process.

Amateurs. What I have been rocking for the past three seasons and recently bought a second to accomodate for my increased tolerance: http://www.floppyflask.com/ Hey, I’m a growing girl. And the most popular fan in my section.

If you are superstitious, then you should know that we have never lost when I brought Scotch.

For me it’s a Camelback filled up with Fighting Cock Whiskey or nothing

We interrupt this comment thread for the latest Gary Barnett news:

http://www.insidedenver.com/drmn/ncaa/article/0,2777,DRMN_23932_4298911,00.html

Amazing that in the most PC town on the face of the freaking earth, multiple rape alleagtions, the transfer and slander of athletes who head world renown humanitarian committees while in college and now witness tampering don’t matter until you become an embarrassment on the field. That blog about Barnett’s final hours wasn’t too far off apparently. Denver sports radio was abuzz last night regarding the never-ending closed door meeting Barnett was having with school officials. They’re going to have to drag him out of Boulder by his feet.

Rick, you’re a valued correspondent. Keep up the good work.

Aye-aye, Chief.

Sounds like an over-reaction to the behaviour at CU. I bet the Coloradans for Nebraska would think differently if this applied to their student section because Nebraska has a reputation for very nice treatment of visitors. In other words, why punish the many for the actions of the few.

Lots of Vol fans complain about similar behaviour in Gainesville, and I’ve experienced it myself. I’ve always felt sorry for the 5-10 rows of visiting fans that serve as the buffer between the UF students and the visiting team sidelines. BUT I don’t think the conference, and certianly the NCAA, should start getting involved in managing this. To me, that’s part of the home field advantage. I’ve always thought it strange that at Neyland, the Vols are on the side with the students AND in the sun. When I was a student the visiting team was on our side and we enjoyed our interaction with the visiting team. I remember one game against Auburn, where even the Auburn band received some of our hospitality as they prepared for halftime.

I am enjoying the Schnellenberger comment. As a long time UofL fan I was once told a story by one of his former mangers at UofL.
UofL was down in a close game and schellberg was getting more frustrated with his players and began screaming at the mangers to “get him is Pepsi.” The newer manger ran into the stadium procured a Pepsi raced back and handed it to ol’ Schelly. Schelly held it for a moment they took a big gulp. Then promptly spit it out and screamed " this is NOT my Pepsi!" A few seconds later another manager returned with what was actually his Pepsi. A Pepsi / Vodka 50/50 mix.

FuriousD,

That can of worms? Already open! At the Syracuse game this year, a senior (i.e., of legal drinking age) student was ejected for blowing a .12 at a random check on his way into ND Stadium. Apparently they were using .08 as the limit, implying that you need to be just as sober to drive a car as to watch a football game (?!?). Even the usher admitted that the guy didn’t seem drunk, and was in fact quite polite. To cap it all off: it his last home game ever, and it was Syracuse—of course he was drinking!

Gatorjess, you can’t slash your way out of an unfriendly crowd with a broken floppy flask. It is in just these circumstances that the traditional bottle proves its superiority.

Exactly how am I to manage in two litresascotch (“that’s french for ‘I want some fucking Scotch’”) in their original bottles into the stadium? I’m not a large person by any means.

Camelbaks are too obvious; bottles get confiscated. I stand by my friend the floppy flask. However if you absolutely HAVE to get violent, it has a nylon strap that’s about two feet long. I suppose you could strangle someone if you were in that much of a hurry. Or you could do what my drunken brother did at the San Jose State game and just start pissing on people’s feet in the crowd. Classy family.

ps — the Barnett Debacle/liveblogging reminds me so much of the Seinfeld where George gets fired when they discover he’s not handicapped (he starts carrying the Rascal down the street) but he’s got that year-long contract so he keeps breaking in to go to work because of his sweet bathroom. A little closer to Barnett than Milton, I think.

That is all.

2 things:

1) Plastic 750 of Jim Beam. Just tuck that sucker under your shorts/pants, between your belt & your belly, and untuck your shirt/jersey/sweatshirt/jacket and you are set. Takes some self-confidence that you won’t fuck up and “drop” it, but the plastic bottle is much less succeptible to the slip than his glass brothers. Also, that is what the walk to the stadium is for: practice. Jim has accompanied me to damn near every stadium in the SEC – never had a problem. And the pom-poms that many Southern schools seem to be so fond of have a plastic stick/base that is perfect for mixing your giant Souvenir Beam & Coke.

2) Schnellenberger prefers Makers Mark before/during/after practices & games, and his “Pepsi” is Maker’s & Pepsi. That’s straight from a good frind of mine who played under Schnell-Dogg at Louisville.

Style points for stirring with the pom-pom, Kanu.

Yup.

And that stupid “Go, Go, Go!” song by the UGA band isn’t so stuipid when you yell out “My bour-bon needs Coke! Coke! Coke!”

Going to CFB games with no alcohol in your body is like non-alcoholic beer & decaf coffee: nearly pointless and a hell of a lot less fun. If they don’t like such behavior at CU games, then those persons should just transfer over to BYU. Hell, you can’t even drink caffeine over there.

-Orson: I was chuckling/cursing you about your comment about my frequent posting on your site due to work downtime yesterday when they instituted the new Web Monitoring software that blocks 99 and 44/100ths of the internets. Fortunately I have figured out how to circumnavigate its’ authority and get back to spending 1/2 my workday reading about football & football.

“2) Schnellenberger prefers Makers Mark before/during/after practices & games, and his “Pepsi” is Maker’s & Pepsi. That’s straight from a good frind of mine who played under Schnell-Dogg at Louisville. "

I had a hard time picturing a head coach, IN KENTUCKY, drinking vodka and Pepsi. However, vodka and diet pepsi is the preferred drink of unattractive irish girls. It’s true.

What kind of scotch are you drinking in half gallon denominations? Ohh…you’re one of those nice caring girls that makes sure everyone has booze and puts on sunscreen. If it weren’t for kind souls like yourself, I would have spent many games fending off a severe alcohol come down and frostbite (replace sunscreen with scarves).

My daughter worked at a lemonade stand in Carter-Finley stadium. The mixer of choice was vodka in the airplane size bottles. They put signs in the restrooms not to flush the bottles.

I had a hard time picturing a head coach, IN KENTUCKY, drinking vodka and Pepsi. However, vodka and diet pepsi is the preferred drink of unattractive irish girls. It’s true.

Ironically, vodka and diet pepsi is my favorite hi-ball. Got any phone numbers of unattractive Irish gals you’d like to pass along?

I don’t typically collect the phone numbers of unattractive Irish girls that I meet out, but I will in the future. I’ll just tell them that it’s for a friend who enjoys their same baffling taste in libations. Of course I like J&B 50/50 with warm flat coke which makes most people shake uncontrollably.

Hack, head over to South Bend and try any party, on or off campus. Chances are you’ll run into more unattractive Irish girls than you could handle. “Was that Megan, Katie, or Jenn (the names of about 85% of ND women) who jumped into Stonehenge (a big fountain) in her underwear? And will my eyes handle the damage done?”

Usually red label. The Cash ’n Trash near campus usually mislabels and lists the 750 as the same price as the 1.5, for some reason = cha ching. And, no, I am not the Section Momma; I drink too much of it myself to be that maternal. Though, sunscreen may be a good idea, or I may start to resemble one of the “unattractive Irish girls”.

dbldomer: that’s exactly what we did pre-flask. Soon they’ll be called ‘stadium-sized’.

but I managed to sneak in — get this — a 200ml (or 250, I forget) bottle of Absolut into a game.

Um, isn’t “250ml” barely 2/3 the size of a can of beer? Must be lacking in other areas if you can fit that comfortably in your boxers. wink

Our game vs. Toledo this year was another reminder why I love northern mid-major football… In and around all the layers, I had stashed as many beers as I could hold. I never did get to them during the game, but they helped out afterwards when we found someone had raided our tent and stole all the coolers.

Irishdevil, that is ridiculous. I feel bad for that kid even if he is a Surrenderin’ French fan.

One of the very few benefits of going to BC, a school that has no idea what a real college football atmosphere is all about (people aren’t allowed to tailgate more than 3 hours before the game,) is that they barely search you at all on the way into the stadium. I’ve attended almost every game during my time here equipped either with 2 Poland Spring bottles filled with Jim Beam, or 20 oz Coke bottles filled 1/3 of the way with bourbon or rum. Of course that led to trouble during the Wake game this year when I ran into my freshman-year roommate on the way back from the bathroom and we proceeded to stand at the top of the aisle for 15 minutes openly drinking the Jim and chasing it with Coke out of a can that I’d also brought in (what, like I was gonna pay the jackals in the concessions stand $20 for a Coke?). Got kicked out midway thru the 2nd quarter but was back in the students section for the start of the 3rd.