GARY BARNETT’S DESPERATE FINAL HOURS
Read. This. Now.
Screamingly funny shit.
December 7, 2005
GOLDEN TORNADO ON BARNETT AFTERMATH RUMORS
Is Houston Nutt going to CU, only to be followed up by the return of Butch Davis to the college ranks in his place? Golden Tornado’s doing good work on the rumormongering tip with this entry.
BLOGPOLL ROUNDTABLE..UHH…32: TAMBINPO
Texas A and M and Baseball in No Particular Order gives us our blogpoll questions for the week:
Q1. Why your school? Did you go to school there? Were you legacy, did you pick it for academics, for the football team, the party reputation?
We picked the University of Florida because they paid us to go there. Hard to turn down ample beer money and the chance to pick up an English degree for free. We would have thought harder about the whole process of applying for college–only applied to two schools, both at the last second–but we were engrossed in talking brainy girls into having sex with us and in the completion of the eighth volume of our memoirs, Swindle, A Life More Ordinary, Volume 8: The Tampa Bay Years: A Cauldron of Unholy Loves Bubbles Around Me. Yeah, we were cool like that.
No legacy. No connections. Straight cash, homey.
Apply for more than two schools? We were too busy hanging out with him.
Q2. Name a player or two who had “THE GAME” against your school. I’m talking about a guy who simply dominated your team and all you could do was tip your cap and say, “Wow.”
Warrick Dunn, 1993-1996. (more…)
BONUS MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY MUSTACHE BONUS!
Since the Canadian Hockey music video seems to be the hottest thing running on the internet today–and with hot synth-laden Canadian rocking, seemingly lifted directly from the Strange Brew soundtrack, propelling the whole thing, we can’t blame them–we honor the ’stache with a second specimen today, courtesy of the Mighty MJD.
Doobie brother or hockey player? Guess!
MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY: BOOKING TIX FOR BERLIN AS WE SPEAK.
Today’s Mustache of the Day comes courtesy of the rapidly approaching World Beard and Moustache Championships, who despite opting for the silly Euro-spelling nevertheless earn our respect with their passion for the nose-frill. Saturday, October 1–book your tix now, and set the Tivo!
Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers.
Marco Salvetti, category, moustache, natural.
BARNETT UPDATE: BUNKERED IN.
Gary Barnett doesn’t know anything about his firing, according to ESPN’s Pat Forde.
“No one has said a word to me. I have not heard from one person that that is going to happen. … Nobody has presented anything to me. I am continuing as if I’m the head coach at Colorado.”
Bunkered in? Let’s hope Barnett doesn’t declare the Colorado football program a sovereign nation and turn this into Ruby Ridge, part 2. Wolverines!!!
OUTBACK BOUND!!! THINGS TO DO IN TAMPA, PART ONE.
Tampa! America’s next great city! The Gators are Outback bound, which would have seemed disappointing at the beginning of the season had the words “Music City Bowl” not appeared to be well within the realm of reality at one point. That means we’d have to crank out an entire column on Nashville, which even under the guise of the hip-hop moniker “Cashville” is still just a few wrinkles shy of being Cincinatti South. Take away Painter’sPrinter’s Alley (and we grew up there!?!) and a few bars on the strip, and our recs for entertaining yourself in Nashville would be heading out to an empty field, downing a half a bottle of whiskey, and ripping donuts through the cornrows until the sound of sirens announced the end of the evening. (It kept us amused well enough in high school.)
(True story: on a visit, we once asked a member of the Chamber of Commerce in Nashville what to do in the town. She paused, looked off at a corner of the ceiling, and sputtered, “Aw, lord, I have no clue, honey.” ‘Nuff said.)
But the wheel of fate spun our way, and now Florida fans can make the commute to a town loaded with intrigue, suspense, and a camera crew from C.O.P.S. on the ground at all times. We logged a fair bit of time in the area, and provide you with the insider’s guide to amusing yourself in Tampa during a bowl game stay, presented Lonely Planet style in three parts.
Tampa: what’s your adventure?
At A Glance:
The welcoming city of Tampa presents a grungy, strip-mall counterpoint to the grungy, strip-mall stereotype one might have of urban Florida. Populated by a vibrant mix of midwestern and northeastern transplants, Hispanics, and a strong contingent of odds and ends subsisting on government checks of one sort or another, its cornucopia of humanity share one common thread: a love for football, the year 1987, and the other official sport of the area, drunk driving.
Sprawled across a large expanse of land, Tampans also share values, like a common hatred for trees, urban planning, and a madness for widening roads whenever possible. As a result, rent a car to make your way around the city, but beware: a large retiree population and an aggressive driving style favored by youth averages out to near chaos and frequent spectacular traffic accidents. Picture a herd of woozy elephants with a clutch of sprinting cheetahs attempting to run under their feet and you’ve got the picture.
What to see, in order of arrival:
—First, the airport, which may be the best thing about Tampa. (more…)
HOLY CRAP!!! BARNETT TO BE FIRED!!!
The Sooper Genious: out at Colorado.
Barnett. Kapowed.
GOLDEN IN AT TEMPLE. SHRUG.
Al Groh’s mysterious sexiness continues to be a commutative property; first Ron Prince takes the Kansas State job after doing an outstandingly average job as OC under Groh at Virginia, then Al Golden, UVA’s DC, gets the gig at Temple. Evidently the sexiest word in the book for ADs these days is “underwhelm,” and who better to get your underwhelm on with than some grumbling, sweatshirt-wearing Groh-spawn? Joe Klecko, the trucker from Smokey and the Bandit II who crushed Buford T. Justice’s badge with his bare hand, also happened to play football at Temple; his comments about Golden’s prospects follow.
“He’ll do good because he’s got an unrealistic enthusiasm,” former Temple and NFL star Joe Klecko said.
And he coached under Groh?
HOUSE THAT ROCK BUILT WEEPS FOR OSU LADS
The House That Rock Built is on the case, giving the full lowdown on how indigent Ohio State football players were robbed in their off-campus apartment, losing the things you might expect penniless college students to lose, like their XBox, the games…and the three thousand dollars in cash they just happened to have lying around.
Even Hercule Poirot thinks that sounds fishy.
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