CHEAP FSU PHOTOSHOP OF THE DAY
Courtesy of the Gatorsports forums.
November 16, 2005
ORSON ON SEBBATICAL TILL FRIDAY
Orson jetted off to El Paso today for Mike Price’s charity fundraiser for single moms, but should be back blogging with us on Friday. In the meantime, you’ll have to put up with my frazzled sanity which I hope returns as the Gator loss to the Head Ball Coach drifts off in the distance.
How kind of Orson to try to help this woman and others of her ilk to raise money for daycare.
PETRINO SCHLEPS HIS WAY THROUGH BIG EAST AD
This ad’s been running for most of the season, and the Big East’s web site hosts an online version of it (for us to poop on.) Why mention another mediocre conference ad that looks straight from the production shop of the local a/v club?
Quick answer: because this one has the Big East coaches reading dialogue, guys whose worst performances are usually reserved for their basest local endorsement deals. (Tommy Tuberville’s Kroger ads are supposedly the ne plus ultra of the genre, but we’d happily nominate Urban Meyer’s work in a jewelry shop ad in Gainesville. Robert Deniro towards the end of Awakenings wasn’t shakier. The first person to admit this is Meyer, who has called his endorsement skills “terrible.” )
Watch the ad, and then see if these implications aren’t totally bullseye material:
–Bobby Petrino just don’t give a fuck. About you, about the Big East, about your momma, life, the universe, or the Louisville Cardinals, for that matter. Some people acquire the skill of being a smartass to cloak their inner romantic or to fit in with a particularly sarcastic group of co-workers. They may act like they don’t care, but deep down they’re ready to have an awkward group support hug the instant life shakes the rafters a bit.
Petrino, however, is pitch black smartass to the core–he reads the lines like a hostage reading a ludicrous confession beaten out of him over the course of three days. Sure, he’s saying he’s a Zionist spy for the CIA, but the smirk and the “as soon as I get out of this room I’m carpet-bombing all of you” look gives his inner wiseass away. Makes you wonder what his recruiting pitch is: “We’re Louisville. We score lots of points. We’ll pay for your school. You’ll get lots of ass ’cause you’re a football player. Leadership and integrity and some shit like that’s real important around here. Jesus fucking Christ, I got thirty more calls to make today, so keep it short, junior. Go Tigers…er, Cardinals, I mean. Bye.”
–Jim Leavitt, the guy with the Richard Mulligan from Empty Nest mug and the poofy mid-80s spike, won’t be the next coach of Kansas State simply based on the way he says “USF Bulls” in the commercial. He prounounces it with the pride you only hear in certain other choice announcements like “Yes, it really is ten inches long,” and “I once drank an entire case of Coors in the parking lot with Ol’ Dirty Bastard.” Based on that alone, Leavitt really is living the dream.
–Rich Rodriguez, while a fine coach doing a great job, has a positively ginormous head. We’d suspected as much from watching Mountaineers games, but video evidence has confirmed the spectacular dimensions of his cabeza–so big the directors back the camera off of him to show it in proportion to his body. Otherwise, his face would fill the television screen like O’Brien’s in 1984 and send small children screaming from the room in fear.
He makes things worse by accentuating the size of his noggin by sticking to the hairstyle of choice in the Big East, the gel-helmet do, with serves the same purpose for the skull as a Wonderbra does for a woman with big tits: dramatic magnification of already spectacular size. We’re just surprised that clipboards, headseats, pens, and the first down markers don’t fly hurtle through the air towards it, drawn by the massive gravitational pull of his skull.
–Greg Robinson has that blissed-out Prozac look about him, which could make him the next Pete Carroll or just mean he’s really on Prozac and looking for heavier meds. If we had his offense this year, we’d bump that shit up to Haldol stat.
–The Wannstache in motion loses none of its grandeur in the video. Truly college football’s finest lip-cozy.
Big East football: suitable for Mustache Wednesday.
MUSTACHE OF THE DAY!
Ripped from the headlines of popular culture comes today’s Mustache of the Day. Is there any more prominent TV mustache out there today outside of Magnum P.I. reruns?
BLOGPOLL WEEK 11
1. Texas. Texas and USC are fungible, but since USC had that close call with Notre Dame which both demonstrated their resolve and also could be qualified as a bit lucky, Texas retains this position until they falter.
2. USC. Was anyone really nervous about them playing Cal this year? Didn’t think so.
3. Miami. On the rise in the blog poll and perhaps on the Billboard charts as well.
4. LSU. As we said with Texas and USC, so too can it be said about Miami and LSU. Both excellent squads that have improved over the season but who are weighed down by what in retrospect is an inexcusable loss.
5. Notre Dame. Nice to see that Weis gets grumpier as the Domers get better. Given their relatively soft schedule this season (save for their USC almost win) they will be an interesting team come bowl time. My prediction is that under the Weis administration, they will typically be a good bowl team as the coaches have such a long time to study film and design a plan to attack one specific team. What coach in college do you think will be better at this?
6. Penn State. Joe Pa can almost taste the BCS bowl… or is that mushed bananas.
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